Back to Me (Carolina Rebels 1)

“Mere?” Noah’s soft, worried tone snaps me out of my thoughts. “Where’d you go?” He taps my temple before moving to lie next to me.

The weight of the disaster of my life while looking at the beautiful man who could care less and wants me after all that’s happened hits me all at once. How do I even begin to explain what’s going on in my head? Swallowing hard, I whisper, “I need to tell you today.” I need to get it all out before I explode. Before I overthink, overanalyze, and over-plan what can’t really be planned to start with.

Noah nods. “Okay. Shower, breakfast, and then we’ll talk.”

He doesn’t waste any time getting out of bed, holding his hand out, which I take, and leading us to the shower. He takes over, washing me with the utmost care while I focus on doing the same for him. Noah doesn’t say anything when the tears begin to fall. The worry dominates in those brown eyes of his, in the pinch of his brows, in the frown already on his face. When we’re finished, we dress. Noah takes Leo for a walk and I get started on breakfast.

Nothing is said while we eat. He’s watching me, but I focus on my plate of food. The longer it takes, the more I withdraw into myself. I can’t do this. I can’t say those words. I can’t relive the past. I don’t want to tell him. I don’t want to see the surprise, the pain, and the pity in his eyes. I don’t want to see how telling him may affect our relationship. I’ll tell him I’ve changed my mind. But what will holding the past hostage from him do to our relationship? Now that I have him, I can’t be without him again.

Noah’s phone blares from the bedroom, so he gets up to answer it. The minutes tick by as my anxiety rises. My thoughts are like a ball on the tennis court.

I can do it.

No, I can’t.

Yes, I can.

No, I can’t.

Yes, I can.

I have no choice.

There’s a knock on the door.

Maybe it’s Marc. I almost hope it is. Only one way to find out.

I open the door and feel as if I’ve been punched in the gut when I see Vance standing on the other side. My heart immediately bounces around in my chest. Oh my god. No. “How’d you find me?” I’m barely able to speak loud enough for him to hear me.

“Searched your name online and found out where you worked. Your boss, Erica, told me.”

“What are you doing here?” I ask, even though I know. There’s only one reason Vance would want to speak or see me again. Fuck, what am I going to do? Not only do I have to tell Noah, but I have to tell it to this despicable man?

That’s when Vance glances down at my stomach. He tilts his head. The slight bit of worry confuses me. “You’ve already had the baby?” he asks, surprised.

All I can do is shake my head as my throat closes up. No, no, no, no, no.

This is not what I planned! This is happening all wrong. Why is it happening to me at all? Haven’t I been through enough? Isn’t telling Noah enough?

His eyes harden and the fury I remember is back on his face. “So, I was right? You were lying the entire time?” His harsh tone makes me flinch. Vance takes a step closer, invading my space, his face only two inches from my own. Then he beings to yell. “You bitch! I can’t believe this. I’ve been searching high and low for your fucking ass and I was right that you lied!” He shoves a finger at my chest. It’s a hard enough poke that it catches me off guard and I stumble a step backward.

“What’s going on?” Noah says from behind me as my voice cracks while I try to explain, “I didn’t lie!”

“Then where’s the baby, Meredith?” Vance shouts.

“Baby?” I faintly hear Noah question.

“Why do you even care?” I scream. The rage of his accusation from so long ago that I’ve held in all this time finally pushes me over the edge. “You thought I was trying to trap you, Vance! You wanted nothing to do with me and thought I would actually lie about something like that. You told me even if I wasn’t lying, you wanted nothing to do with us!”

“Well I changed my mind!” he yells. He’s so close to my face, one small movement and our noses would be touching. From the corner of my eye, I see Noah grab Vance’s shoulder and nudge Vance away from me.

“Why? Why the fuck couldn’t you just stay away?” I fire back.

“Because I got married,” he starts eerily calm, “and when I told her what happened, she told me I needed to step up and find you, be part of the baby’s life, and come to find out, it was all a lie!” he finishes in a shout.

“I didn’t lie!”

“Then where is the baby, Meredith? Where the fuck is our baby?” He goes to take another step closer, but Noah’s arm shoots out to become a barrier to keep him away from me.