“How long did she last?” he asks.
“Almost to the third period. I think she could’ve made it if there wasn’t an intermission. I’m impressed she knows everyone’s numbers too. I do good to remember just a few of you.”
Clear pride is on Scott’s face. “There’s a hockey player waiting to break out in there. I can’t wait for her to get a little older and play more.”
“Hey, there you are.”
I crane my head back to see Noah. “Where else would I be?”
“I just didn’t see you as fast as I did last time.”
“You got Stella to sit with you?” There’s a touch of hurt, but a lot of jealousy in Marc’s voice.
“Can’t blame her for liking me more than you, Marco,” I tease.
“Yes, I can. What’s not to love about me? I honestly can’t believe it. I’ve been trying to appeal to her for two years! She meets you twice and bam. You’re on her good side.” Marc shakes his head. “I’m going home.” He turns and leaves.
I carefully hold the little girl in my arms and stand. I’m sure Scott and Sylvia are ready to go home too.
“I can take her,” Scott says, moving to take her from me.
“She won’t wake up?”
Scott shrugs. “She doesn’t usually, but if she does and I’m the one holding her, she goes right back to sleep.” He plucks her from my arms with ease. Her head goes from my shoulder to his and she doesn’t budge.
“Sleeps like the dead,” Sylvia reminds me.
“We’ll see you guys later,” Noah says, taking my hand as Sylvia grabs her purse and the little book bag of stuff she brought in case the girls got bored.
I wave goodbye and let him pull me away. Once we’re relatively alone in the parking lot, I blurt out, “Sylvia thinks I’d be a natural.”
“A natural what? Mom?” he asks and I nod. “You’re surprised?”
“A little,” I confess. “When was the last time you saw me with kids?” Just a small frown is all I need to say, “Exactly. Why wouldn’t I be surprised?”
Noah pulls us to a stop just when we’re almost to the car I’ve been driving. “Just because you were career-focused and not family-focused doesn’t mean you wouldn’t make a good mom when the time comes.”
“I know that,” I say quietly.
“Then why the surprise, Mere?” he pushes.
My eyes seem to water without any notice. It wasn’t until just now that I realize why. Swallowing hard, I shake my head. These words are ones I don’t want to think, much less say out loud. It’s bad enough I thought what I did. Talking about it has to be even more of a jinx on the future.
“Mere? Not letting this go. Tell me if only so we can get home sooner and I can get in bed and hold you.”
“I just...” How do I say it? It’s bad enough I thought it. “If by wishing I could start over to be with you, wasn’t I essentially wishing the baby didn’t exist? What kind of mom does that, Noah?”
He cups my face and places his thumbs over my lips to shut me up. “Get that out of your head right now, Meredith. You would’ve had the baby if you hadn’t of lost it, yeah? Then where in that does it say during the time you panicked, that you truly wished the baby didn’t exist? Nowhere is that implied. Don’t let things like that cause you to think you’d be a bad mom. That’s impossible. You cared whether or not Stella would wake up. You didn’t mind holding her or the idea of carrying her to the car. Don’t doubt all the love you have to give, yeah?”
How can I not believe him? “Yeah.”
His smile is gentle. Noah gives me a kiss on my forehead. “Good. Get in and I’ll follow you home.”
“I don’t need you to come with me,” I tell Noah. He’s really starting to irk me with his insistence that we both put Erica in her place. The last thing I need is him fighting my battles for me. Unfortunately, Noah is pissed off enough that he’s determined to have his own say with her.
“I’m coming one way or another. Besides, I want to see you in action.”
“Fine. Let’s go.” I already took Leo for a walk, but since Noah isn’t changing his mind, I need to put him in his crate. Having Noah come with me is making me nervous. He hasn’t seen me on the courts since high school and I will definitely not be doing the same thing as then. He’s said he’s watched me on TV before, but that’s not the same either. “You aren’t going to be amazed or anything, you know.” I say once we get into the car. Apparently, I can’t even drive us.