I sit at the table and read both of the letters again. It’s real, and I still can’t believe it. I need to talk to Levi though. I need to tell him. I text him and he tells me to come over to his place. He just finished working out with some teammates.
The drive to Levi’s is quick, because my nerves are on edge. I walk up to his door and knock. I’m shaking. I can’t believe this. Levi opens the door in a pair of basketball shorts and no shirt. Yeah, like I’m able to have a serious conversation with him shirtless.
“Smarty.” He pulls me in and kisses me. “No one is here, so you can be as loud as you want.” He wags his eyebrows and I just smile. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“Can we talk first?”
He nods, his expression now serious, and we head to his bedroom. I sit on the side of his bed and he sits next to me. I take a deep breath and count to three.
“We need to talk about us,” I start. “We need to talk about our future.”
He gives me a serious look. “What about it exactly?” He holds my hand and rubs my knuckles. I can feel my insides shaking. What the hell is wrong with me?
“I got my letters for the internship and law school. I got accepted to both.”
“Congrats, Smarty. Where? I’m happy for you, but I would like to know how far away you’ll be from me.”
“Um, well, I won’t be that far. See, the law firm is in the city and the law school is…it’s in Pittsburgh.” There, I said it. I told him, and I just need to wait for his reaction.
“So we’re not going to have to resort to sexting?”
That’s it. Sexting? I can’t believe that he isn’t more shocked or upset that I’m, in a way, following him. Maybe he isn’t hearing me. “Ha, ha. But, seriously, I was wondering where do you see us? You know, in the future.”
“Presley, I told you before that I wouldn’t go anywhere without you.”
I roll my eyes at him. “Levi, you told me that forever ago. Things have changed. I mean, we just got back together, again, and I’m worried you think I’m just following you like a puppy to Pittsburgh. Which I’m not doing because I applied forever ago to law school there.” Maybe I need to clarify that I applied to law schools far away, so I wouldn’t have to deal with my parents so much. Even though I will miss them and Trevor, I need some independence.
“I wouldn’t have thought that, Smarty. You have your own dreams and plans for the future. I know and love that about you. I wouldn’t think that. I don’t think that.”
I’m shocked. “You don’t?” He really doesn’t think that?
“Not at all. You do what you want for your future. I never thought that just because of me you would change those plans because they are so important to you.”
I’m going to have to say it. I’m going to have to admit it to Levi. “I’m scared, Levi. I want to do things on my own, I do. But when I thought you might not be at my side, I didn’t think I could cope. I know that sounds dumb and it sounds like I’m a crazy person who is going to stalk you, but it’s how I feel.” There, I finally said it. I finally let my feelings go, and I hope that Levi is there to catch them.
“That doesn’t sound dumb and a little crazy is always good. Smarty, don’t think that wanting me there means you aren’t independent. You still are, but if it makes you feel that way, then nothing has to change when we go to Pittsburgh.”
I can almost feel the tears building by his sweet words. But does he see more for us?
“Um, Levi, what do you see in the future for us? I mean, like relationship-wise.”
“Relationship-wise as in the things we need to work on or relationship-wise as in what’s the next step for us?”
“Well, what’s next? I mean, have you thought about it?” I know I have, but I don’t want to scare Levi either.
“Of course, I’ve thought about it, Smarty. I don’t want to tell you what I want because I don’t want you to feel like you have to give up your independence, even though you wouldn’t. Not really, anyway. I want you to do whatever you think is right for you, but I wouldn’t mind living together. It would test my inner neat freak, though.”
Shock, again. He has thought about it. He wants to live with me. “I would really like to know what you’re thinking about. It would help me to know what you’re thinking, about us, I mean. As far as living together, I’m not that bad.”
“Presley, you don’t even make your bed in the morning. But that’s not the point. The point is I told you I want you there. We’ll be fine. Now and down the road. I want you there, but only if you want to be there and are comfortable with that.”
I want him by my side. I’m very comfortable with that. “Levi, I want to be there. I want to be there with you by my side. Only you. And I don’t make my bed because I’m just going to get back in it later.”
“You want me there, but are you okay with the fact that you want me there? Because that’s something you’re obviously worried about and I get that, but I don’t know, Smarty. I feel like I’m talking in circles.” He huffs and runs his hands through his hand. I’m upsetting him and I don’t want that. I just want him to understand.
“I’m more than okay with you being there. I want you there. I’m just worried that if we lived together or if we thought further down the future you wouldn’t want me there. I mean, you’re going to be some big hockey player and I’m going to be Presley, the lawyer. What do I have to offer?” He’s going to have serious Puck Bunnies after him. He is going to be traveling and meeting celebrities and what do I have to offer him?
“No, Presley. You’re going to be Presley, the lawyer who dates that big hockey player. What don’t you have to offer? Don’t look at it like that. You should be asking what do I have to offer you? Don’t title us as anything other than you and me. Smarty, I love you. There’s no reason why I wouldn’t want you there.”