Back in the Soldier's Bed

But that didn’t hold a lot of weight at this moment, staring at the father of her child. Because in protecting her daughter from pain, she’d wronged him. And now she had to figure out how to go on.

Chapter 3

Jonas looked over at Shannyn, watching her bite her lip, worrying it. She’d changed. He hadn’t realized how much when they first re-met. But she was a mother now. A mother to a child. A child he’d never known existed. His child. It was hard to reconcile the fun-loving girl he remembered with this woman who seemed so remote and unfeeling. Because not telling him was cold. She’d never convince him otherwise.

How could she have done that to him? He wanted to reach out and shake her, demand to know what she’d been thinking. Hear her paltry justifications.

Instead he rubbed a hand over his face, struck by the image of a curly-haired poppet with his eyes, vibrant and excited. A huge argument wouldn’t accomplish anything, and he knew it. But keeping his cool outwardly didn’t stop the shock or the anger pulsing through him.

He’d never wanted to be a father. But finding out he was one, knowing she’d kept it a secret, made his blood boil. What had he ever done that was so bad she thought to punish him in this way? The fact that she wouldn’t have said anything if she hadn’t been caught only fuelled his anger.

“You shouldn’t have done it,” he finally ground out through his teeth. He kept his voice as level as he could; too many people were around, and he didn’t want to make a huge spectacle. “You had no right to deny me my own child.”

Shannyn moved a step or two closer. “I can explain.”

Jonas stared out over the river. How much time had he spent in this very water during his training? How many times had they gone boating, or swimming, feeling the cold slickness of the water on each other’s skin? How had things gotten to this point? How could it be that they were in this place again, strangers dealing with something as intimate as a shared child?

His heart pounded as memories flooded back, unfaded by time. When had Emma been conceived? On a day like today? Years ago, on an afternoon like this, he would have found a secluded spot downriver. He would have made love to her there in the heat of afternoon. Things had burned hot between them from the very beginning. And fires that burned hot usually were extinguished just as quickly.

Only it hadn’t. It had smoldered all this time in his memories of her.

He had good memories. Memories of the two of them together during a summer that had been more than a fling. Memories he’d kept tucked away, bringing them out only when the pressure got to be too much. Memories that were now suddenly tarnished by a gigantic lie.

“Nothing you can say will justify keeping this from me.”

“Please Jonas, just hear me out.”

“Hear you out? What can you possibly say that will make this right? I left for Edmonton six years ago! And you knew you were carrying my child and let me go anyway, none the wiser!”

His hand automatically found his thigh, rubbing it absently as he had a way of doing since his injury.

“I didn’t know I was pregnant when you left.”

The defense rang false. “Don’t give me that. You would have found out within a few weeks. You knew where I was stationed, knew my battalion. You could have gotten in touch if you’d wanted.”

She came closer and sat on the opposite end of the bench. “You’re right. It was my choice not to tell you.”

“Why?” He thought briefly of how his grandmother would have loved seeing her great-granddaughter, her namesake, and the single word came out thick with emotion as anger and loss poured through him in waves. It was a struggle to keep his voice steady and low. He was glad she was sitting closer, so not every person wandering the walking path could hear the sordid details.

“There were lots of reasons. For one, you left me. You never once said you wanted me with you. I knew if I told you and you came back, it would be out of obligation and not a…deeper emotion.”

“I had my reasons,” he bit out. He knew she was referring to love. He hadn’t said it back then, hadn’t wanted to.

“I’m not saying you were wrong. I’m saying what I based my decision on. Let’s face it. If you’d wanted more from me, you could have called. Or sent a letter. You left and I never heard from you again.”

“You’re blaming me?” He couldn’t keep the incredulity out of his voice. Somehow she was making this his fault? Just because he hadn’t said I love you? He’d lost his daughter for five years because she felt spurned?

“No, Jonas, of course not.” Her words came faster, and he sensed her desperation. “But what I am saying is that our situation, our personal status, wasn’t one that supported the idea of us and a baby. I knew you didn’t want marriage and a family. And I wasn’t about to put Emma through what I went through as a kid. Divorce sucks.”

She sighed and softened her tone. “But that wasn’t the only factor.”

“Go on.”

He met her eyes as she folded her hands in her lap. Good God, she was beautiful. Maybe even more so now than she’d been then. Her blond, streaked hair was gathered up in a clip, the ends falling in artful disarray. Her eyes were blue and clear as a morning sky over the Arabian Sea. Her skin was sun-kissed and dotted with light freckles.

He’d been enchanted back then, not knowing she’d have the power to do something like this to him. It irked him to find that he still r

esponded to her girl-next-door sort of beauty, even when he was as angry as he’d ever been in his life.