She wanted to say that even as an adult, she didn’t understand him either, but right now the focus had to be off her own feelings and on keeping Emma safe and happy.
“I have a right to see her. She has a right to know me.”
“Why is this so important to you? Why can’t you just let it go?”
“Because she’s my daughter. My responsibility.” The earlier flash dissipated. “I’m not the kind of man who shirks responsibility. I thought you understood that much about me.”
“That’s what I’m saying.” Shannyn implored him with her hands. She did understand. As much as she was hurt that he’d left her, she’d admired him for his dedication to what he considered his duty. And he would have been dutiful to Emma too, and it would have broken her heart little by little to know that he was staying for that reason and not of his own free will. Would have destroyed her to come home one day to a man who wanted out. Who wanted a life away from her and Emma. She never wanted Emma to feel abandoned and unloved the way she had growing up.
“You would have stayed involved out of responsibility, not out of any lasting affection.”
Jonas looked around them. Now that the shouting was over, no one seemed particularly interested in their exchange, no one noticed anything out of the ordinary. People simply walked along the path, enjoying the early summer day, the mellow heat, fresh green of the grass and leaves. Everything seemed to spin in a slow circle. The desert, Germany, the base, all spiraling outside of here. A perfect world around him while he felt trapped in chaos. His whole world was changing. It didn’t seem real.
He clung to the one thing he hoped she might understand, searching for common ground that would anchor him to this unreal situation. “Shannyn, you’ve brought her up alone. I could have helped.”
“With child support.” Her lips thinned to a straight line.
“Well, yes.”
Her short laugh surprised him. “And your money would have made it all right.”
“It might have lessened your financial strain. It couldn’t have been easy.”
“We’ve done just fine, thank you.”
Jonas stared hard at her. Dismissive. Her tone, her body language…it was all dismissive. He wasn’t wanted or required here. God, he wasn’t really wanted or required anywhere anymore. In a world of do-ers, he was now redundant. What had once been his purpose was gone. And he’d never thought about what he’d do when it was over. He’d always thought he’d keep doing what he was d
oing until he died on some battlefield. He certainly hadn’t expected coming home with a gimp leg, leaving him good for next-to-nothing.
He saw the talent in the next wave of elite soldiers and hated that he wasn’t one of them any more. Put out to pasture at the ripe old age of twenty-eight. It didn’t seem fair. He’d lost his career and now discovered he’d lost a family he hadn’t even known he had.
“I want to see her.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
His eyes blazed. “Shannyn, you can’t keep me from my own daughter.”
“I’ll do what I have to, to keep her safe and happy.”
“And you think I’d threaten that?”
“She doesn’t need a temporary dad who’ll leave once he satisfies his curiosity.”
That was what she thought of him then. It showed how little she knew. How far apart they were.
“Look at me,” he whispered stridently. “Does it look like I’m going anywhere? You’ve seen my file, right? Active duty is a long shot at best, out of my realm of possibility more likely, according to the doctors.”
He stepped closer, close enough that she had to tilt her neck sharply to look into his eyes. Her chest rose and fell rapidly, so close he could almost feel it against his. His gaze fell to her lips, and they opened slightly. How he could despise her so much right now and still want to kiss her was beyond him.
“I’m obviously not in danger anymore. So tell me, Shannyn. What is it you’re really afraid of?”
Chapter 4
Shannyn took a step back. “You’re invading my personal space.”
Jonas laughed then, a brittle sound as he stared at her with accusation in his eyes. “I beg your pardon.” He affected a small bow, mocking her, and put more distance between them.
“You can’t keep me from my daughter anymore,” he argued firmly. “And you know it.”