Back in the Soldier's Bed

They’d met through mutual friends at an outdoor concert in Officer’s Square. Right away she’d been attracted to the lean, dark-haired stranger who seemed to have so much energy.

They’d started dating and things had progressed rapidly. It had been whirlwind, magical.

But the young man who had captivated her heart, had enjoyed life and made her laugh, was gone. She supposed they’d both grown up. But his smile and the brief memory took her back. Made her wonder what it would take to bring that smile back again and again.

She watched him as they ate for a few minutes in silence. He was more relaxed right now. Perhaps it would be a good time to get some answers to her questions. And not for Emma. For herself. She wanted to know what had happened in the intervening years. What made him tick. When her curiosity got the better of her, she asked the question that had been plaguing her.

“What have you been doing the last six years?”

His chewing slowed. He looked away as he admitted, “I made Special Forces, as you know. I was there until nearly a year ago.”

“Where were you stationed?”

“I moved around a lot. Wherever I was needed.”

“You won’t tell me.”

He looked back at her then and she realized the soldier was once again in control. “I can’t tell you. Sometimes I was sent with a regular recce platoon.”

He saw her confusion and elaborated. “Reconnaissance. We’d offer support to operations, that sort of thing. Other times…” He paused, his gaze slipping from hers again. “It doesn’t matter now anyway. Those days are gone.”

Shannyn folded her hands and watched his head turn away from her. She got the feeling it mattered a great deal. “It changed you, Jonas.”

“Being in combat changes everyone.” He still refused to look at her, instead appeared to be people-watching.

She didn’t know why he felt the need to generalize everything so much. “I’m sure it does. But I’m interested in how it changed you.”

“Why?”

Ah, a question with several answers, some she’d acknowledge, some she wouldn’t. She picked the only one that was relevant. “Because you are Emma’s father.”

Whatever was left of his lunch he wrapped up and put back in the bag.

“Whatever I thought I knew that summer, I was wrong.”

“Wrong how?”

He balled up the bag and got up, taking a small hop on his good leg to right himself before depositing everything in the trash can. “I was full of myself and what I was going to do. I was indestructible. I thought I knew everything.” He sighed heavily. “And I really had no idea.”

“So you got hardened.” Shannyn held her breath waiting for his response. She could sense his stubborn withdrawal and couldn’t help but see the resemblance between him and Emma, especially now when he seemed so unhappy. His lips seemed fuller; the bow shape of his mouth so much like her daughter when she’d had a rough day at school or got over-tired. He’d passed on his fair share of traits whether he knew it or not, and it drew her to him. How could she hate the man who had given her such a precious gift?

When his answer came it was not what she expected.

“I know I’ve probably seemed hard and demanding. I’m sorry. I’ve lived in a world where you give and receive orders.”

The small confession touched her. “You don’t smile anymore. Or at least not like you used to.”

His eyes pierced her, and she wondered if he was trying to dissect her mind.

“You’ve changed too. You’re cautious. Reserved. And for what it’s worth, you don’t smile much either.”

“Maybe we just don’t smile at each other.” It was out before she could think about taking it back and she bit her lip.

“Perhaps we should try.” He sat down again at the table. “I’m trying to look past my resentment toward you for lying to me. For Emma’s sake. What did she say when you told her?”

Another gust of cold air hit them and Shannyn brushed a piece of her hair away from her face, lowering her eyes. The thunder that had been creeping up the river rumbled closer, and the first lightning p

ierced the grey sky.