Back in the Soldier's Bed

“He wants to meet you, Emma. But I don’t want you to get your hopes up too high. Jonas doesn’t know what it’s like to be a dad, and I don’t think he’s been around kids much.” Shannyn paused, wondering what sorts of people Jonas had been around over the years. “I don’t want you to think this is going to be perfect, okay? We need to take it one day at a time.”

But Emma was undeterred. Her eyes shone as she raised up on her knees to give Shannyn a kiss. “I can’t wait!” She beamed before falling back on the couch and hugging her arms around herself. “A mama and a daddy,” she murmured, fully pleased.

The tears and questions Shannyn had anticipated never came, but Emma’s blatant, unvarnished enthusiasm worried her even more. What if it all went wrong? Where would Emma be then?

Shannyn rotated her neck, trying to work out the nervous kinks that had settled there. All her careful planning, all her years of justifying her decision to herself, and it was all coming down to the next half

hour.

She fussed with a tray on the breakfast nook. Thankfully the showers of the week before had dissipated and the skies were clear and pure. Today had been the last day of school for Emma; she’d been done at noon and Shannyn had taken the afternoon off. She was nervous enough about tonight that she wouldn’t have been able to focus at the office anyway. Jonas was due any moment. And she was going to introduce him to his daughter.

She looked through the patio doors at their picnic table, the vinyl red tablecloth flapping gently in the light breeze. Metal clips anchored at the corners kept the cloth from blowing away. An end-of-school barbecue had seemed the best idea. There was never going to be a right or wrong time to do this. And it wasn’t just Emma she was concerned about. She’d been thinking about Jonas far too often lately, pulled into memories of that amazing summer. She was right, he was harder now, but there were still glimpses of the old Jonas in his smile and when his eyes lit up. Maybe she was nervous about him meeting Emma, but that didn’t account for all of the butterflies winging around in her stomach.

“Mama?”

Shannyn looked away from the window and down at Emma, dressed cutely in a denim skort and red T-shirt, her curls pulled up in a bouncy ponytail.

“Yes, pumpkin?”

“Does my daddy like hamburgers?”

Shannyn’s heart caught. Emma’s wide eyes looked genuinely concerned that perhaps her new father wouldn’t like what was for dinner, and Shannyn’s returning smile was wistful as she knelt down before her.

“Don’t you worry. Jonas” —she still couldn’t seem to bring herself to say “your daddy”— “loves burgers.” She tipped Emma’s nose with her finger. “I think he even likes pickles almost as much as you do.”

Emma’s smile was bright as she skipped away, outside to play on her slide. Shannyn, however, couldn’t help but frown. Emma had never really known she had a daddy. She wanted to meet him. As rational as Shannyn had tried to be with her, she hadn’t been able to contain Emma’s innocent enthusiasm. She would have rather had had the questions. There was so much potential for Emma to be hurt when she had such expectations.

“Shan?”

She started at the sound of him calling her voice. When she spun in response, they both froze. The absurd impulse to rush forward to his arms sluiced through her. Years past they would have done just that. He would have pulled her close and kissed her, let his hands…

But not now. It was only the surprise of his sudden appearance that made her fancy such things. Now he kept his distance, his very presence larger than life as he stood in her kitchen.

“I knocked but no one answered. I let myself in.”

She took a fortifying breath. She’d been so lost in her worry she hadn’t even heard him drive up. “Sorry…”

Whatever she was going to say evaporated from her mind. Gone was the military issue clothing. In its place he’d worn jeans and a T-shirt in a gray-blue color. Out of politeness he’d removed his shoes at the front door and was in stocking feet. His hair was always the same, but the relaxed dress brought him down to a level of greater familiarity and Shannyn remembered all too vividly the times they’d spent together when he’d been out of uniform. Walking the beach, he’d dressed in board shorts and T-shirts, or going to clubs in jeans that hugged him and made every woman in the room thank the good Lord for the rear view.

“Are you okay?”

She tried a light laugh that came out as a nervous twitter. “I’m fine.”

He looked down at himself and back up. He had yet to smile, and she hoped he could muster one up for Emma’s sake.

“I thought this would be better than the uniform. More approachable.”

He’d been right on that score. Shannyn wondered what kind of shape he’d been in before his injury, if he still remained this lean and fit now, a year later. His casual clothes did nothing but emphasize his slim hips and muscled upper body.

“Just be careful with her,” Shannyn warned. She had to put some distance between them because seeing him in civvies was affecting her more than she liked. It was bad enough that Emma had her heart set on a new, perfect daddy. Shannyn had to be the voice of reason in all of this and couldn’t afford to lose sight of that just because simply seeing him cranked up her pulse a notch or two. In the end, it changed nothing.

“Of course I will. I would never hurt her, Shannyn. You must know that.”

Maybe not intentionally, Shannyn thought, but pursed her lips together.

Jonas was nervous, Shannyn realized, seeing how stiffly he held his body. It would probably be better for everyone if they got the introductions over with and dealt with whatever came next.

“Why don’t you get your shoes? Emma’s in the backyard, and we’ve planned a barbecue.” When he’d departed for the front door again, Shannyn pressed a hand to her belly.