“We’ve met.” Shannyn tried a smile, but it quivered.
“He was hurt and I didn’t know, so that’s why I hurt his leg.”
Shannyn got the meaning behind the strange five-year old logic and nodded. “I know, sweetie. I should have told you; warned you to be careful.”
Emma held his hand firmly in his. “That’s okay, Mama,” she answered. “Daddy and me? We’re good.”
Shannyn couldn’t help but laugh, even through the emotion thickening her throat. At times Emma sounded so much like the toddler she’d left behind and at others, the adult tone told Shannyn she was growing up fast.
“I’m glad. I think we can start cooking the burgers now. Do you want to set the table, Emma?”
“If Daddy helps me.”
It was going to take a very long time for Shannyn to get used to the word “Daddy” coming out of Emma’s mouth. “Maybe Jonas can pour the drinks while you put out the plates.”
For several minutes, dinner preparations were ongoing and Shannyn was thankful for Emma’s happy chatter, telling Jonas about school and her friends and what her favorite toys were. It filled up the awkward silences that would have happened otherwise. When they finally sat down to eat, Emma passed Jonas the plate of sliced pickles first thing.
“Mama said that you like pickles almost as much as me.”
Jonas took the plate and raised an eyebrow at Shannyn. A slow smile flirted with the edges of his mouth. “I do. I’m surprised she remembers.”
Emma brushed it off. “Oh Mama, she remembers everything.”
Shannyn felt Jonas’s eyes on her and heat infused her cheeks.
“Does she now,” his soft, knowing voice answered.
Oh, she did. She remembered things she knew would be far best forgotten, no matter how his smile or the sultry sound of his voice played havoc with her good intentions. Just because Jonas was back and involved with Emma, didn’t mean there was room in her personal life for him. Perhaps she’d been wrong in deciding not to tell him he had a child, but the reasons she’d done it were still there. He hadn’t loved her then. He hadn’t once contacted her after he’d transferred. Nothing between them had changed since then. She hadn’t been enough, and they were even further apart now. Nothing he’d said or done since coming back gave her the impression that anything would be different a second time around.
And she knew she wouldn?
??t survive him breaking her heart a second time.
But Emma was right about one thing. It didn’t stop the remembering. She remembered how it felt to lay in his arms and look up at the stars. The touch of his lips on hers, the feel of his hard muscles beneath her fingertips. Making love, so wrapped up in each other the rest of the world didn’t exist. A woman didn’t forget a thing like that.
When she shook herself from her reverie, Jonas was looking at her strangely.
It would be best if he didn’t know the direction of her thoughts. Because somehow she had to keep him at a safe distance.
Chapter 6
When dinner was over, Shannyn sent Emma inside to change into her pajamas while she cleared the table. To her surprise, Jonas wordlessly gathered plates and took them into the kitchen.
Shannyn came back through the patio doors, folding the red tablecloth as she went. Everything had its place here. But then, she’d always felt the need for order. Perhaps it was the lack of structure she’d had growing up, once her mother left and her father had raised her alone. She’d had to take it upon herself to provide some sort of home life, but she’d only been a child. Her father hadn’t put in much effort, either. By the time adulthood came around, Shannyn had known what she’d always sensed during those difficult years. She wanted a home. A stable, secure, consistent environment. She’d been ready to settle, just when Jonas had been getting ready to explore what he’d thought were bigger, brighter horizons.
She watched Jonas open the dishwasher, loading it with the dirty dishes from the counter. Quietly she passed by him and tucked the tablecloth into a drawer. Jonas might look the picture of domesticity right now, but she knew he’d been carted from pillar to post as a child as the son of an army major. It had never seemed to bother him, moving around from one place to another. Shannyn had made a home for herself and Emma, something permanent, and it was yet another thing that kept them apart.
He put the last plate in the rack, added detergent from the cupboard beneath the kitchen sink, and started the cycle. Shannyn wondered how he felt about it now, knowing he probably wouldn’t face deployment again. Was he looking forward to less travel, or would he miss it terribly? Did he dread being sent from base to base for the remainder of his career and missing out on the action?
When he finished and turned back around, she avoided his eyes, keeping her hands busy by fussing with a dishtowel. Jonas wouldn’t stay, she knew that. But for Emma’s sake, she was glad he didn’t face the same level of danger he always had. At least she should be able to avoid that conversation with her daughter.
In the quiet of early evening, with the mess tidied up, Jonas’s next words were a surprise.
“She’s a wonder, Shannyn. You’ve been a great mom; I can see that.”
All her senses seemed to tingle as she tried to exit the intimate working area of the kitchen. “Thank you.”
His hand caught hers as she passed by.