Back in the Soldier's Bed

Shannyn looked up, her blue eyes pleading with him not to make this more than it was. “Don’t. Don’t do that.”

She tugged her hand free, but he didn’t let the matter drop.

“Do what?”

“Pretend this is something it’s not.”

“I only spoke the truth.”

He dismissed her concern and Shannyn tried to tell herself it had been a compliment and a casual touch. But her cheeks flamed as his eyes remained steadily on her face. She hadn’t been mistaken about the connection she’d felt earlier. A part of her wanted to explore it, to see if it was still as strong as she remembered.

A bigger part, the broken part of her, told her to leave it alone. That they were all better off if he went his own way. Or at least kept his contact with her in reference to their daughter. She wasn’t prepared for more from Jonas. She couldn’t harden her heart and enter into something she knew ahead of time was temporary. It would be a huge mistake, and she needed to keep both eyes open.

“I’m just being honest. She is a bright, happy little girl and I have you to thank for it.”

“Even though I kept her from you.”

“Yes, even though.” He shoved his hands into his pockets.

“You’re not angry anymore that I lied to you.”

“I didn’t say that.”

Shannyn sighed, going to the table and resting her hands on the back of a chair. She couldn’t expect him to forgive her just like that. The fact that they could even discuss it now without argument was progress. Progress she didn’t want to sabotage by throwing blame back and forth. It would accomplish nothing, and Emma would be in the crossfire. Shannyn had heard her own parents arguing her whole childhood. She refused to repeat that pattern with her own child.

“You…you were great with her. Thank you.”

He took a few steps closer, so that his voice rumbled, the seductive sound raising the fine hairs along her arms. “She made it easy. I’m sorry about how things started out.” His apology was genuine. “If I’d have anticipated…”

His words trailed off, but she picked up where he’d finished. “I didn’t see it coming either. I knew she was excited. I should have been more prepared.”

“I don’t know how we could have been prepared for this.”

His words hung in the air between them. “This” meant more than co-parenting. She’d be a fool to think that it didn’t also mean the growing attraction between them. If she was feeling it, it was possible he was too. Despite all the reasons why they were angry and resentful.

“Me either. I should have thought of it. I’m awfully sorry, Jonas.”

Shannyn kept the topic on track but couldn’t help but think how odd it was that they were discussing their child’s welfare while she was upstairs changing into her nightgown. To do so after six years of no contact whatsoever, to see him, hear his voice, feel the brief touch of his fingers after thinking he was gone forever, affected her more than she wanted to admit.

“She’s not going to understand when you have to leave again.” Shannyn grabbed the stack of paper napkins from the holder and started folding them into triangles. Anything to keep her hands busy. “She doesn’t understand how the military works the way I do.”

“What do you expect from me? I can’t help that assignments change. I go where I’m needed. And in my current condition, that’s here.” He pointed to his leg. “I have a constant reminder of where my life has led. It doesn’t stop me from being her father. It’s not my fault we’re in this mess!”

She heard the bitter tone in his voice and wished he didn’t feel so angry all the time. It was becoming clearer that he wasn’t just mad at her. There was something deeper, something to do with what had happened to him, she was sure. Perhaps it was how he’d received his wound. She didn’t know and refused to ask. She only knew she couldn’t shoulder all the blame.

“It’s not exactly all mine either,” she snapped.

“If you’d told me from the beginning…”

“Are you saying you’d have left the Special Forces? Stopped being a sniper? You’d have come home to change diapers?”

“I was deployed. The decision of where I’m stationed isn’t usually up to me, Shannyn. Whether I like it or not.”

Jonas clamped his jaw shut and stared past her shoulder. It had never bothered him before, going where he was told. Yet in the last few months he’d started to resent the choice being taken away from him. “Let’s just say I don’t know what the future holds for me and I’ll deal with it when it happens,” he finally ground out.

“That really doesn’t help me prepare Emma, now does it?” She stopped her folding and finally faced him dead on. “It’s the best I can do.” He pursed his lips, resenting the fact that somehow they’d ended up arguing anyway, even though he had only wanted to pay her a compliment.

“And it’s why I didn’t tell you about her in the first place.” Her eyes narrowed with accusation. “Did you know she asked for a daddy for Christmas?”