His jaw hardened, a muscle twitching beneath his ear. “You’re using her to deny me access now.”
Shannyn shook her head. “No, I would never do that. You know that. The last thing I want is to put her in the middle of some ridiculous struggle between you and me. For her sake, I want to help you.”
She pushed away from the counter and went to him, laying a hand on his arm. His lack of response didn’t faze her. “I’m her mother. Before you decide you’re going to be a father, you need to act like one. And that means getting help for yourself when you need it, whether you want to or not.”
Jonas heaved an exasperated sigh and his chin jutted out stubbornly. It was a look Shannyn recognized in Emma and if she weren’t so worried, the resemblance would have made her smile.
“What’s it going to take to make you happy with this?”
The answers that raced through Shannyn’s mind were varied and surprising in their complexity. She’d thought she was happy before he came back, but sometimes now it seemed as though he’d never gone, as silly as that sounded. She wanted Emma to be happy. She wanted Jonas to be a part of Emma’s life, now that the truth was out. And she realized she might even want him to be a part of her life, even though she didn’t see how that could ever happen. He’d always be the kind of man to run off chasing a new assignment, adventure. And she’d be the one left behind again. Wanting to be a part of his life and allowing it were two very different things. Knowing what she knew about him, and what would inevitably happen, made being attracted to him utter nonsense.
But they had to build some sort of a bridge.
“A good start would be telling me how you were injured.”
He shook his head, his chin jutting out further. “No, I can’t.”
She raised her eyebrows, pulling her hand off his arm. “Can’t, or won’t?”
“Right now it’s the same thing.”
“You’re going to tell me it’s classified, right?” She blew out a puff of air, lifting her hair from her forehead. “Convenient.”
“The location is classified. The…incident…is a matter of record.”
She watched him swallow, look at his shoes, and then look up again. “I just can’t, okay?”
She accepted it because it was obvious that it pressing him would get her nowhere. Perhaps it would be better to work their way there gradually. “Okay then, how about telling me about what happened when you left me and went to Edmonton?”
She instantly regretted her choice of words. His face closed off completely, all vulnerability wiped away until he had all the openness of a classified document.
“You make it sound like I chose the army over you.”
“Didn’t you?” she asked the question without hostility. She already knew the answer. She turned to get the kettle, feeling the sudden need for the soothing effects of tea.
At that moment Emma reappeared, face scrubbed and dressed in a soft pink nightie.
“You ready for bed, pumpkin?” Shannyn put the kettle aside and forced a smile.
Emma nodded. “My story first, please.”
Shannyn took her by the hand and led her to the stairs, taking the first steps.
“Aren’t you coming, Daddy?” Emma paused and asked the question over her shoulder.
The plea was heartfelt and Shannyn let her gaze fall on Jonas, still standing by the kitchen counter. He looked so lost, a great giant without a country. But that was ridiculous. Jonas had always been the strongest man she’d known. She wondered what his answer would have been—about choosing the army over her. The way he looked at her sometimes now made her believe that he’d cared after all. That maybe he still cared a little. Just not enough.
The bigger question was, did she want him to care at all? Even if she had loved him then, his answer to her earlier question was of the greatest importance. If he hadn’t cared enough to choose her then, what made her think he’d be any different this time? And could she take that risk with her heart after letting him break it once already?
He smiled but kept his gaze on Shannyn. Before her eyes he went from looking lost to having a purpose, and she knew it was Emma that made the difference. Her body warmed beneath his appraisal.
“I’d be honoured, Emma. If your mama doesn’t mind.”
“It’s all right.”
His steps sounded behind hers as they climbed the stairs. It was an intimate sound. How many nights had she climbed these stairs alone, wishing for another’s to echo behind her?
She tucked Emma in, all the while aware of his body filling the doorway, blocking the light from the bathroom. Standing guard as she read Emma’s favourite book, Love You Forever. Waiting quietly as she tucked Emma in snugly and kissed her goodnight.