Back in the Soldier's Bed

hink later.” She dismissed his apology with a hand. “We need to worry about you right now.”

It was a fresh wound. He didn’t want to be anyone’s worry. It was his job to worry about others. To protect them. It was something he used to do very well, but lately he had done nothing but fail at it.

“I’m fine.”

Her laugh was sharp with disbelief. “You can’t possibly expect me to believe that. Oh Jonas, you are so far from all right. You’ve slipped away before, but it’s more than that, isn’t it? More than you’ve let on.”

He bristled. What did she know about it anyway? She hadn’t lived through it. She hadn’t seen her best friend die. And he wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone. As much as he wished he could lay his burden down, he knew that it wasn’t fair for Shannyn and Emma to pay the price for his problems. He’d done a horrible job so far. The best thing he could do for them was protect them from the ugliness.

“It’s for me to deal with.”

Her lips formed a firm line and she waited five long seconds before speaking again.

“Not if you expect to have any sort of relationship with your daughter.”

He was in no shape for her to be giving ultimatums. Sudden anger piled on top of the confusion left in the wake of his vivid memory. It overrode the longing for her and the self-loathing he felt at his weakness, propelling him into action. He let go of the tailgate and squared his shoulders. “Don’t threaten me, Shannyn.”

She glanced into the truck and back at him. “Let me make it easy for you, Jonas. If you want to see Emma, you’re going to have to let me help you. Even if it kills you.”

Shannyn watched his fingers on the wheel, gripping as if his life depended on it. His jaw was set firmly; he grit his teeth. He was furious with her. It came off him in angry waves.

She didn’t care. Emma sat between them, her animated chatter of earlier silenced. She might only be five, but Shannyn knew Emma understood that something was wrong. It wasn’t fair of them to put her in the middle of all their problems. From the first moment he’d showed up, Shannyn had a feeling that there would be nothing but trouble. But she hadn’t anticipated it being this bad.

This wasn’t just about them and their past relationship, although that was far from resolved. It was about Jonas and his health. And he could deny it all he wanted, but he needed help. She couldn’t just wash her hands of it and send him away. There was Emma to consider. Despite knowing it would be simpler if she pushed him away, her heart couldn’t let her do it. Not when he needed someone.

She sighed, licked her lips nervously. Who was she fooling? She wanted to help him, needed to. She cared what happened to him. She’d never really stopped caring for him. Today she’d had a glimpse of how good it could have been for all of them. And it had surprised her how natural it had felt, even after all these years. It was no longer a question of whether she’d done the right thing by keeping Emma a secret. They were a family of sorts now. Families stood by each other. Even when it hurt.

Just before they reached the house, she motioned to a small brick bungalow. “Pull in here,” she said.

She took Emma with her and rang the bell.

When her neighbour, Patty, answered, Shannyn didn’t beat around the bush. “Could Emma stay and play for a bit?”

Patty knit her brows. “You okay?”

“Yeah, but something came up. If it’s too much of a bother…”

Patty looked down at Emma and back at Shannyn with a smile. “We’re just having a barbecue. Lisa’s in the back playing by herself, so the company would be welcome.”

“Thanks Patty. I hope it won’t be for long.”

She knelt before Emma. “I’ll be back to get you later, honey.”

“Are you going to make Daddy feel better?”

Shannyn’s smile wobbled at the concern on Emma’s face. Her baby shouldn’t have to worry about things like this. “I’m going to try. We need to talk about some things, that’s all.”

She stood and ruffled Emma’s hair. “Thanks again,” she said to Patty. She lifted a hand in farewell and jogged back to the truck where Jonas waited. Climbing into the cab, she knew he’d built a wall around himself. She could sense his isolation, see it in the cold, stony expression molding his features, the stiff way his hands gripped the steering wheel. Breaking through that wall wasn’t going to be easy.

She unlocked the front door and led them into the quiet house.

“Shannyn, I’m sorry. I frightened Emma and upset you, and ruined our day.” The apology was perfunctory, devoid of true remorse. He was still behind that wall, giving her what he thought she needed to hear.

She turned at the kitchen counter. If she wanted answers, real ones, she was going to have to come at it strong, push her way through. “Yes, you did. And I want to know why.”

He looked past her, through the window at the empty backyard. “It’s complicated.”

“I think I got that.”