When he did resistance masked his face. Oh, he was going to be a stubborn nut to crack. But now that she had an idea of what he was dealing with, she could at least help him move forward.
“You’ve been carrying this around ever since, haven’t you?” When he didn’t reply, she persisted. “This is eating you up inside, Jonas. I’ve been so focused on you and Emma that I didn’t notice enough. I saw you were troubled but passed it off. But after today…I know it’s not something you can ignore anymore. I think it’s time you did something about it.”
He sat up straighter, pulled his hands away, his brow wrinkling a bit in the middle. “What are you talking about, Shannyn?”
“What I’m talking about is getting you some professional help.”
Chapter 11
“A shrink? Don’t be absurd.”
Jonas got up from his chair and stalked to the door, sliding it open and escaping away from her, into the kitchen. She wished he wouldn’t run away. Why couldn’t he see that she was only trying to help him?
He had to know she was right or it wouldn’t be such a sore spot. Shannyn got up and followed him.
“Jonas, you can’t deal with this alone and I’m pretty sure I can’t help you the way you need. I had no idea it was this big. I knew you were different somehow. I could feel it. But you obviously can’t go on this way.”
“I can manage.” He folded his arms in front of his chest.
“Jonas, for God’s sake, put your pride away. I know you, remember? You’re blaming yourself and it’s tearing you apart. What would it hurt to talk to someone who deals with this sort of thing?” She longed to reach out and touch him, but held back, knowing she had to stay focused on the issue at hand.
“Look, we can check local therapists. Or maybe there’s someone on base you can talk to. This has to be pretty common after deployment, don’t you think? The army must have resources.” She reached out and grabbed his wrist, the contact sending a current to her toes.
Tears stung her eyes as she felt more torn than before. Wanting to be free of his hold on her and needing to help him, all mixed up with what was best for Emma. He could be so stubborn. “Please, Jonas,” she whispered, squeezing his hand. “You need to get help. Your leg is nearly healed. But you’re still hurting, inside.”
“I can’t go there. I’m sorry.” He pulled away and put the book down on the counter. But she noticed his hands were shaking.
“You’re scared.” She shook her head at him. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to take out a billboard or put an announcement in the paper. I’m just saying you should talk to someone who knows how to help you the way I can’t.”
“And let it get around the base?”
Obstinate. For a moment she wondered how many soldiers came back to the same thing and were too proud or ashamed to get the help they needed. Tough guys who thought they could handle it alone. Or maybe they were looking for help and struggled to access it. But she couldn’t be concerned about others right now. She needed to help this man. The father of her child. The man she’d once loved.
“Then go off base. Find an independent doctor.”
He started pacing, his hands braced on his hips. His gait was stiff, like he’d suddenly tensed everything in his body. Now that she knew about Chris Parker everything fit. And that was only one incident
over the course of several years. How many other demons haunted him? It would be naive to think that he hadn’t had other experiences that affected him deeply. Perhaps not as much as that of the death of his friend, but cumulatively…no wonder he was a mess. She wanted to take the pain away for him, but knew she was helpless to do so. Her only hope was to make him see that he needed it for himself.
He stopped pacing and looked at her. Every one of his features held some measure of pain.
“Why are you doing this? To keep me away from Emma? Are you angry about the other day? Why are you punishing me?” His arm swept wide, anger his new armor.
“Of course I’m not punishing you. You’re doing a fine job of punishing yourself.”
“I don’t believe you. You wanted to keep Emma from me all along. And when you couldn’t anymore, you decided to…”
His gaze changed suddenly, calculating, assessing her. “That’s it, isn’t it. You’re angry about what I said Thursday. About being just friends.”
The abrupt change in him threw her off balance. What did he mean? This was about him and the disturbing flashbacks. It had nothing to do with her.
“What are you talking about?”
“You came on to me during my session. And when that didn’t work, you kept it up during coffee. Only it didn’t turn out the way you wanted.”
Her mouth dropped open. “That’s ridiculous. I’d never do something so manipulative.”
“You don’t think keeping Emma from me was manipulative? Why in the world would I trust you?”