Back in the Soldier's Bed

In that moment it became very clear. She loved Jonas. She always had, even when he’d come back and turned her life upside down with demands. Even when she’d seen him struggle with demons that frightened her. And especially now, seeing him walking towards her. It would always be him for her. It was a done deal.

He stopped in front of her and it took everything she possessed not to launch herself into his arms. Blood rushed into her cheeks and she covered them with her hands, laughing softly. What was she thinking? There were at least twenty impressionable children around as well as parents and coaches. She’d never been much into public spectacles of affection. As much as she wanted to, she held back. This wasn’t the place, even if it did feel like the right time.

“We didn’t expect you tonight.” Her words came out on a soft rush of breath in the soft evening. “Emma will be ecstatic.”

“I hope it’s okay that I came.” Her eyes were drawn to his lips as they formed the words. “I have so much to tell you. So much to explain.”

Shannyn lifted her chin and held his hands tightly as she looked deeply into his eyes. “I’m glad. I’ve been waiting…”

“I know. And I’m sorry I’ve made you wait so long.”

“It’s all right. I knew you were trying to get better.”

“No.” He shook his head. “I don’t mean just now. This is so much bigger than me dealing with grief and stress. I mean from the beginning. I shouldn’t have made you wait.” The pressure of his fingers on hers tightened. “I…oh hell. I lost my perspective. I need to tell you some things, things I should have said a long time ago.”

He had done some serious soul searching, then. Shannyn kept her hands within his. “Watching you struggle, realizing how affected you were came as such a surprise. And then we hardly saw you at all. You don’t know how many times I wanted to call to make sure you were all right.”

She thought back to the rare times over the last weeks that he’d carved out time to spend with them. He’d kept it simple then too. A cone of ice cream, watching one of Emma’s games. She’d known he was getting help but he had distanced himself like he said he would.

But tonight…something had changed. Tonight he looked like a man set free. There was something more. Hope slammed into her. She wasn’t imagining their connection. Could it be he felt the same way and he wanted to tell her? What was it that had happened that had caused this transformation?

“Each time I’ve seen you, you’ve seemed taller. Stronger. And I’ve wanted to ask you so many times…”

The shriek of a whistle cut through the air, ending the game and halting their conversation.

“Mama, Mama! Did you see me?” Emma came barreling off the field, ponytail bobbing, a streak of dirt gracing the sleeve of her shirt. Then she saw Jonas and squealed, “Daddy!”

Shannyn didn’t have time to caution her to slow down. Emma raced straight at Jonas.

She needn’t have worried. Jonas hefted her in the air, dirt and all, laughing. “Hey, pumpkin! How was the game?”

“It was great. I almost scored.”

“Good for you.” He plopped a kiss on her nose, grinning broadly.

Shannyn’s eyes widened. He was so open tonight, so giving. Without the wall he’d put around himself. Seeing him this way was like waking up. Like seeing the first crocuses blooming in the midst of the late-winter snow. Defiant beauty through cold ice. He’d always warmed to Emma, but this was more than that.

This was the Jonas she remembered. The man she’d fallen in love with. Having him back only made the feelings more intense.

“You ready to go home?”

Emma’s face fell. “Aren’t you coming?”

His eyes softened as he smiled tenderly at his daughter.

“Of course I’m coming. I’ll tuck you in tonight and then I’m going to have a talk with your Mom.”

“Goody!”

Shannyn laughed even as her heart skipped. “We’d better get going then. I promised Em a treat after the game. And then it’s bedtime for you, silly girl.”

Shannyn looked at Jonas, a secret thrill rushing through her as his eyes warmed on her. They would talk. She knew she should keep the topic away from their personal relationship. As happy as she was to see the old Jonas new again, so many things hadn’t changed. They would need time to talk about what had just happened. About what was changing inside him. About what needed to happen in the future, for all of them. They had work to do, but for the first time she knew that somehow they’d find a way.

Emma ran ahead to Shannyn’s car, but Jonas stayed with Shannyn, his hand a warm anchor on her back. She wasn’t sure she could trust herself to stay on topic if he kept up with the little meaningful touches.

“I’ve got the truck. I’ll meet you there.”

“Okay.”