Back in the Soldier's Bed

Before he changed direction, he leaned over and kissed her temple.

The warmth on the spot lasted long after he was gone.

“I bought some potato chips and pop for a treat,” Shannyn said in an undertone as Emma spun around the kitchen, still pumped up from her soccer game. “I’m going to run a bath for Em, but if you want you can get those things out.”

Jonas leaned casually against the kitchen counter, legs crossed at the ankle. “I can do that.”

She paused. “I’ll be back in a bit. Emma’s going to need a scrubbing.”

“I’ll be here.”

And he would, she realized. For the first time she knew he’d be exactly where he said he’d be. Wondering what had changed was driving her crazy, but Emma had to be tended to first. Normally this was a time of night she enjoyed, but tonight she was impatient to get Emma safely tucked in bed. He was waiting for her.

When they came back downstairs Jonas was unloading the dishwasher, putting the dishes back on their shelves. Shannyn halted at the bottom of the stairs and stared. He looked so much like he belonged there. Briefly she got a flash of what life would be like if he were here everyday, and it shot straight to her core. She had to be careful. The plain fact was that he was still in the Army, and now that he was nearly recovered, the chance of reassignment was suddenly a possibility. She couldn’t allow herself to get used to him when there was a good chance he would be gone again.

Still, the simple action of being here gave her hope that somehow they could compromise, to make it work.

“I smell like bubble gum,” Emma announced, letting go of Shannyn’s hand and marching over to her father. “Smell my hair.”

Dutifully he lifted her up and buried his nose in her curls. “Bubble gum? Smells like blueberries to me.”

“Nope. Bubble gum.” Her face was a picture of seriousness. “Pink bubble gum.”

Jonas laughed. “I hope you didn’t brush your teeth yet. Your treat’s on the table.”

Emma scrambled down and ran for her chair and the bowl of chips he’d set out. He followed her and poured her glass half-full of root beer.

He was so good with her, Shannyn realized. For a man who hadn’t wanted children, he was a natural. Decisive but fun, willing to play a little. She’d been wrong in keeping Emma from him. When she’d realized she was pregnant, she should have told him somehow. And for that she owed him an apology. A real one, not one out of guilt that came from being caught. More than apologizing for what she’d done, but for depriving him of what should have been his all along. The joy of being Emma’s father.

“Penny for your thoughts.” He smiled and her heart turned over.

“Later,” she replied, her cheeks blooming. It was almost as though she was transported back six years to the man she remembered. The young man filled with optimism and energy. Knowing now what he’d been through, all that he’d faced, how he’d suffered and how he was bouncing back, made him into so much more in her eyes. A dangerous, potent combination of charm and strength.

She turned away, feigning attention to Emma. Relaxed mood or not, it frightened her to realize how deep her feelings ran for him. She loved him more now than she ever had, she realized. Suddenly the earlier ebullience faded. She’d had her heart broken once; she was afraid to give him the power to do it again.

Nothing made sense. She wanted him, loved him, admired his parental instincts. Yet she still felt she had to hold back, to protect herself on some level

. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…she didn’t want to be that woman.

Emma finished her snack and Jonas took her up to bed, story book in hand. When he came down several minutes later, Shannyn was just finishing tidying the snack mess.

Suddenly, now that they were alone, it felt awkward. Shannyn wasn’t sure what to say, and Jonas stood in the kitchen looking like he felt the same way. Saying they needed to talk, and then putting it off for over an hour had put everything off-kilter.

“Would you like a drink?”

“I’d love one. Especially if it means I can sit in the shadows with you and drink it.”

Her heart gave a decisive thump as she reached into the fridge for two bottles of beer. The innuendo did funny things to her insides and she cautioned herself to remain objective. Seeing him walk across the soccer field had filled her with optimism. But now…now she wasn’t so sure. Reality was beginning to settle in and there were a lot of things to tackle. Including her own insecurities.

She twisted off the top and handed him the bottle. “Bumps,” she said, and they tilted their bottles so that the bottoms knocked gently.

It was a movement so familiar, yet one long forgotten. Without warning memory upon memory seemed to be coming back to her about their time together. Trying to isolate how she felt then and how she felt now. It was becoming more difficult as her feelings escalated. They all seemed to blend together, like it had only been yesterday rather than years.

Outside, the air had cooled, the summer evening breeze fluttering over her skin. Shannyn sat in a chair and leaned back, stretching her legs. She knew he had something on his mind. She forced herself to be patient and wait for him. It would be better that way, if she let him take the lead. She could measure her responses that way. She took a deep breath of air softly perfumed by the blooms in her flower bed.

Jonas paused, then turned the opposite chair so that it was at a ninety-degree angle to her and likewise, sat.

After a moment or two of silence, his voice cut through the night sounds of the breeze flickering the leaves and a mourning dove just finishing its song.