Back in the Soldier's Bed

She hung up the phone heavily. Suddenly things he’d said became clear. Thanking her for being strong for him. Saying he’d never forget it. No more looking back and no regrets. She’d felt it was goodbye and it looked like her intuition had been right on the money. His file still lay on her desk. She hadn’t given him a reason to stay. She had no one to blame but herself.

Nausea rolled through her stomach. She’d done it again. She’d lost her heart to him only to have him leave her without asking her opinion. He’d made decisions already and left her in the dark. Just like then, he’d charted out a life for himself and hadn’t asked for her input. Only now there wasn’t just her. There was Emma who was going to get hurt.

She let the cold anger roll in and stacked the items on the top of her desk with terrifying precision. Anger was easier to deal with than the hurt. At least last time she’d known where he was going. It had always been a given. She’d just hoped he’d ask her to go along or leave her with some sort of assurance of keeping their relationship going. This time, he was making changes and not even keeping her in the loop. After the way he’d seemingly bonded with Emma, it was hard to believe he’d do something like this without considering their daughter. She thought he’d changed.

She took his chart and shoved it back into the shelf. She deserved better. Emma deserved better. The way he’d held her, way he’d won Emma’s heart told her he owed them more.

She made it through the remainder of the afternoon simply by going into function mode. She picked up Emma at the sitters, chatted mindlessly with her about painting and grape popsicles, all the while stewing about how she’d ended up in this place again. Vulnerable to him. Waiting for him. Waiting for a man who wasn’t coming.

Shannyn took the key out of the ignition with a sigh. She felt used. Now that he was better physically, and making great strides emotionally, she felt like she was no longer needed. She’d been there while he’d been struggling but now that he was moving on with his life, she was forgettable. The woman that had helped him through his rough time. Someone he’d once loved.

She’d promised herself she’d never be that way again, but here she was. Left behind.

Emma bounced into the house ahead of her mother. “What’s for dinner?” She skidded to a stop in the kitchen, her daycare backpack dropping to the floor. Shannyn bit back her irritation; it wasn’t Emma’s fault she was in such a tumult.

“I don’t know.”

“Can we have mac and cheese? Can we?”

Shannyn’s eyes caught the red blinking light of the answering machine. Holding up a finger to silence Emma for a moment, she hit the button.

The first message was from Patty, saying that she was taking Lisa to McDonalds around six and asking if Emma would like to go along.

“Yes, yes, yes!” Emma called out, dragging he

r backpack through the kitchen to the table. “McDonalds beats macaroni and cheese!” She started pulling things out of her pack.

The second message was from Jonas.

“Shan, it’s me. I need to see you. I know it’s short notice, but could you come by tonight? Anytime after five-thirty is great.”

It was ridiculous, how she was affected by the mere sound of him on an answering machine. Even knowing what she did now, the husky timbre of his voice reached inside of her. She steeled herself. Likely he was going to break the news to her tonight. A new posting meant moving on. After what she’d said, she knew it meant moving on without her.

“Can I come see Daddy too?”

Shannyn hated to say no but this was one time she knew she and Jonas would be better off alone. “I thought you were going to McDonalds.”

“Oh yeah.”

“Daddy and I need to discuss some grown-up things anyway. You’d be bored.” Shannyn paused, wanting to be encouraging to Emma but not give her false guarantees that she couldn’t deliver. “I’ll talk to him though and see when he plans on visiting again, okay?”

Emma nodded, not too upset apparently. Shannyn exhaled slowly. If he were going away, she’d make sure he spent time with Emma before he went. That was non-negotiable.

She called Patty and accepted the invitation, then asked if Emma could stay there until she got back from an errand. But that left her with the problem of time on her hands and trying to keep occupied until Emma was picked up. She sorted the laundry and put a load in the washer, vacuumed the living room. Sat with Emma and read a few stories. When six finally arrived, she heaved a great sigh of relief.

Once Emma was gone, Shannyn considered revamping her appearance. She changed into a pretty skirt and blouse, then looked in the mirror and frowned. This was ridiculous. She was bracing herself for a breakup, which was funny because they weren’t really together in the first place. It was silly to dress up and look extra special. She changed out of the skirt and slid back into her comfy jeans and T-shirt. Again she met her own gaze in the mirror. If he were truly going to destroy her world, she was at least going to do it in comfortable clothes.

Tucking her hair behind her ears one last time, she took her purse, got in her car, and drove towards what she considered the end.

Jonas answered the buzzer, a smile of relief breaking out on his face. He smoothed his hands down his shirt, making sure it was tucked neatly into his waistband. He hadn’t even changed out of the dress uniform he’d worn today when he’d met the Minister of Defence. He’d removed his tie and red beret, but that was it. Somehow tonight required more than jeans and a ratty T-shirt.

She’d come. When five-thirty had passed, he’d started to worry. Had considered calling again, decided against it. Perhaps she was running late. Or couldn’t get a sitter for Emma. Finally he’d dialed the phone again.

The security system had buzzed on the third ring, and he’d hung up.

Tonight was going to change everything.

He held the door open for her, surprised when she breezed past him coolly. His brows crinkled in the middle. Her dander was up about something, although he couldn’t imagine what.