“Please,” he murmured. Her eyelids fluttered closed as he dropped tiny kisses on them, the light touch making her sway. “Please tell me the truth.”
She nodded, her forehead brushing his cheek as the answer came out in a strangled whisper. “Yes.”
“Yes, you love me?”
She blinked and two tears ran silently over her cheeks. “Yes, I love you.”
Instead of the heated kiss of earlier, he drew her tenderly into his arms, resting his chin against her hair.
“Think about this for a moment. Would I have told you I loved you if I were going to give up on us?”
“I don’t know.” The vigor deflated out of her argument, the vulnerability creeping closer to the surface. She pulled out of his arms and away, where she could think clearly. “I…I’m not sure of anything where you’re concerned.”
“And that scares you.” He took a step closer.
Shannyn inhaled, trying to stop the shaking, trying to keep up the bravado. He was being so steady. Calm, refusing to rise to her prompting. Looking so tall and heroic and handsome in his uniform.
She’d thought that laying it all on the table would be quicker, like ripping off a bandage. She’d come in here with both barrels blazing, taking the offensive to cover her concerns and hurt. Full of resolve, knowing it was over between them. But damn him, he’d seen right through it. She’d felt strong in her righteous indignation. Now here he was telling her she was wrong. Recognizing she was scared. And oh, she was so sick of living in fear. With his words, she’d gone from offense to being left with very little defense.
“Shan,” he continued. Another step. “Tell me what scares you. Trust me with it. I trusted you.”
“This is different,” she murmured. “Because you scare me. I’m scared to love you.”
Jonas came all the way to where she was standing. Close enough it would only take a breath and she would feel him against her. Only inches separated them. But still he did not touch her.
“Faith, not fear,” he murmured. If only he’d realized it sooner. “I hurt you so badly the first time. I know that now. And because of it you doubt me.”
“Maybe I need a reason not to.”
He lifted her chin with a finger, touching her skin there but nowhere else. “Then how’s this for starters. I loved you then. I love you more now
. Even more today than I did last week. And I want to spend the rest of my life proving it.”
Tears sprang into her eyes, and she blinked them away. She couldn’t breathe.
She couldn’t let herself be placated so easily, not when the simple words did splendid things to her insides.
“Then why didn’t you tell me what you were doing?” She challenged him, pulling her chin away from his caress. “A phone call, or even an e-mail to let me know your plans. Instead you walked away. For all I knew it was for good.”
He smiled. “I can see that you think that, and I’m sorry. It’s not what I intended. I wanted to be honest with you about the past so we could put it behind us. I didn’t mean to give you was the impression that I was putting us behind me. I told you I was exploring some options, remember? But nothing was definite, so I didn’t want to spring it on you prematurely and get your hopes up. I had meetings with some men in Ontario, it’s true. About my future.”
There were still too many blanks to fill in. “What sorts of plans?” The earlier thought of active duty leapt to front and centre. The thought of him going back out in the field, to the front line of danger…the threat of losing him always present…she couldn’t lie. She wished he’d do something other than rejoining his unit. Something safer.
“There’s something I have to know first.”
“What?”
They stood only inches apart, a standoff. Yet Shannyn felt inexorably tied to him. Like there was a cord binding them together, even when they were coming from different places.
“If my life were more settled, would you give us a chance?”
All the air seemed to squeeze out of her chest. “How can you ask that, without giving me details?”
“It’s easy. Don’t make it more complicated than it is. Forget my job. Forget the past. Forget Emma. Ask yourself if you are willing to take the risk now. If you trust me to do the right thing.”
His eyes softened, her gaze was drawn to his full lips as he formed the words.
How could she do it? Walk blindly into a life of uncertainty? Live with the danger, knowing he could be taken away from her at any time?