She was here only for the summer. He was not for her. And she seemed to lack the willpower to push him away.
He returned with a full glass and instead of sitting, went to the railing and looked out over the sloping lawn and shrubs to the beach below. “You wanna walk?” he asked.
A moonlight walk on the beach? Could she possibly say no?
“That would be lovely,” she whispered.
He drank his water and put the glass down on the arm of the wooden chair, and then held out his hand. She took it, hoping he couldn’t tell that hers was shaking. What a ninny she was, trembling over holding hands at her age. It wasn’t like she hadn’t ever been in love and he was some sort of first. He was just...different.
Like now, with his hair blowing back from his face in the ocean breeze. He’d left his sandals inside her door and his feet were bare as they approached the silky white sand. She tugged on his hand to stop him for a moment while she slipped off her Vans and let her toes sink in, the sand still warm from the day’s sun.
He still had her hand. She swallowed tightly and kept her fingers tangled with his. Admitting that she’d been lonely was hard. She considered herself strong and self-reliant. She always had been, with a good dose of obstinacy thrown in for good measure. But she’d needed this, she realized. Even more so since she lost her best friend. She needed contact and intimacy. Clearly Branson Black was not Mr. Right. But he was doing a pretty good job being Mr. Right Now.
“I never imagined soft white sand like this up here,” she said, her steps lazy and squishy in the thick sand. “I always imagined it farther south. In the clear waters of the Caribbean. But this is amazing.”
He was quiet for a few moments, then lifted his chin and drew in a deep breath of sea air. “I met Jennie in Nova Scotia. Not here. On the other side of the province. I decided to take a road trip and drove north through Maine, took the ferry from New Brunswick to Digby, and ended up on the Fundy coast. She was working the summer doing marine research. My plans to travel to Prince Edward Island and Cape Breton just disappeared. Once I met her, that was it.”
“She was from here?”
“No, she was on some university grant summer research program with Boston University. I was still living in Connecticut. For nine months we drove back and forth and saw each other on weekends. And once she graduated I asked her to marry me.”
“You were young.”
He nodded. Breakers swept over the sand, brushing their feet, and Jess mulled over the fact that he was telling her about his wife while they were holding hands. Still, she wasn’t going to interrupt. She was curious, and she got the feeling this was not something he talked about often.
“We were, though she was younger than me. We ended up with a two-year engagement and pulled out all the stops for the wedding.” He looked over at her. “I would have been happy with the courthouse, but if you knew Jennie...” His smile was sad. “I wanted to give her everything she desired. And I could, so I did.”
“She was lucky to have you, Bran.” Jess squeezed his hand as they kept taking lazy steps up the beach.
“Was she? Because I got caught up in myself and didn’t cherish her enough. I have regrets, Jessica. More than you know.”
She stopped and pulled on his hand, making him stop too as she looked up into his face. “I think whenever someone dies, we all have regrets of some sort. You loved her. Maybe you weren’t perfect, but you loved her. That’s so clear to see in the way you talk about her.”
“I did.” He sighed. “Jennie was my home. The warm, loving space I didn’t have as a child. And I blew it. I was angry about the accident for a long time, and then the sadness threatened to pull me under. Now I’m wanting to start living again, and it feels so strange to be doing it without her. Without our baby, too. God, he was the sweetest thing.” His voice thickened and he cleared his throat. “I hope you never have to go through anything like that in your life. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”
He turned and they started walking again, while Jess’s thoughts were in turmoil. She’d had her share of loss; not just Ana but of her adopted mother, too. Her dad was still around but had remarried, and they weren’t that close. And while her life growing up had been okay, she’d always wondered about her birth parents. She knew nothing about them.
“I was adopted when I was two. I don’t have memories of before, but I know that CPS stepped in and removed me from my home when I was a year old. After my parents divorced I stayed with my mom. And then she died several years ago. I was nearly engaged once, but he didn’t want to wait for me. So I guess we all have something. You’re holding on to regrets. I think I’m just used to the people I love not sticking around.”
“Damn. I’m sorry. I mean, I’m not particularly close with my family. My dad is a workaholic and a bit... I don’t know, cold. And my mom is okay, but we’ve never been a tight family. Still, I know they’re there.”
“And they sent you off to boarding school.”
“Yeah, but you know what? I met my best friends in the world. It ended up being the best thing that could have happened. Cole and Jeremy became my family.”
She smiled a little. “You certainly seem to have good memories.”
“The best.” He sighed. “You know, my life’s been a bit charmed. Yeah, I lost Jennie and Owen, but we loved each other. I’m blessed to have had that, I guess.”
They’d stopped again, and she turned to face him and put her arms around his middle, wrapping him in a hug. What a bittersweet blessing, to have found perfection and to lose it so young.
“Hey,” he said softly, and his wide, warm hand came to rest on the middle of her back.
She sniffled. “Sorry. I just thought you needed a hug. Or that I needed to give you one.”
“It’s okay. You can hug me.”
And his other arm came around her and hugged her back.