Best Man for the Wedding Planner

She nodded, and proceeded to explain her rationale, with Harper sipping her tea and nodding occasionally. But when she got to the part about why she’d avoided telling Dan the real reason why, a frown appeared in the form of a wrinkle at the top of Harper’s nose.

“I don’t understand,” she said, putting down her cup. “Why not explore other options? Like adoption? Why was it all or nothing?”

Adele sighed. “This is where my logic seemed so right at the time but isn’t as clear-cut right now. I knew he’d say it would be okay and we’d work through it together, but I felt like he’d feel he had to say that no matter what he really thought. That I’d be tempted to stay and then he’d end up resenting me, or we’d grow apart and I’d be even more broken.”

“So you ran away instead.”

“Something like that. Adoption isn’t easy. And I was honestly stuck on the fact that I wouldn’t be able to provide him with his own child.”

“And is that important? The blood connection?”

Adele looked at Harper. “Not as much now as it had seemed then, if I’m honest. I made the decision in a time of stress and confusion, you know? I felt like...such a failure. And since then, I kept telling myself he was probably happy with someone else. Someone with a whole reproductive system.” She gave a short laugh. “Look, I know it sounds awful now. My logical brain tells me that it doesn’t matter if I have a uterus. I’m a woman without it. My emotional brain...not so much. And back then I was running on emotion. All the time.”

Harper nodded. “Of course you were. But he’s not happy with someone else, is he?”

Adele shook her head. “Apparently not. We...we spent yesterday together. Went skiing. Had dinner.” She paused. “At my place.”

Harper gave a shove with her feet so that her rolling chair came to a few inches of Adele’s knees. “Did he stay over?”

Adele laughed. “You sound far too excited about that prospect. No. But we had a very nice day. And some wine. And he...he kissed me.”

“Holy.” Harper put her hands on the arms of Adele’s chair. “So, are you starting something up again? Getting back together?”

Why was excitement rising up in her chest? Adele pushed it back, trying to be rational. “No, don’t be silly. We got caught up in a moment, that’s all. I mean...” She searched for rational thought. “He’s leaving at the end of the week. He lives in Toronto and my business is here. This is just...closure.”

“Kissing doesn’t seem like closure to me.”

“It is, though. It has to be. It’s just...working through old feelings we didn’t get a chance to work through before.”

“If you say so.” Harper swiveled and pointed to the picture on the screen. “This does not look like a man who has left the past behind.”

But he had to. They didn’t have a future. Too much had happened. And nothing had really changed. She couldn’t wave a magic wand and be able to bear children. And adoption...not everyone wanted to go that route. It also wasn’t as easy as deciding to do it and poof, a baby showed up.

The one thing that kept getting her stuck was that the facts didn’t reconcile with her feelings. Tears pricked her eyes and she was mortified.

“Oh, honey.” Harper touched her hand. “Do you still love him?”

“I don’t know,” she said, her voice a soft wail. “Oh, Harper. I’m so stupid. I can’t still love him. Seriously, I think it’s just dealing with things that should have been dealt with years ago.”

“Except...”

“Except it doesn’t feel like that. Yesterday, when we were together...it felt so right. So familiar. I don’t want to fall into the familiar trap or the get it right the next time trap. And it would be so easy. He’s so...”

“He’s so what?”

She didn’t answer out loud, but in her head she heard the word. Everything.

Harper sighed. “Drink your tea. You want to come to my place for dinner tonight? Get some perspective? I’m making chickpea curry.”

Normally Adele would grab at the chance. Harper was a beautiful cook, and Adele had learned to eat a lot of vegetarian food in her kitchen. Curry was one of Harper’s specialties. “Not tonight. I need to do some thinking.”

“All right. And, Adele, thanks for sharing that with me. I feel privileged.”

“You’re the best friend I have. I trust you.”

“I trust you, too. Now, do you want to see the rest of the wedding pictures?”

“I’d love to.” Adele leaned forward and cradled her now lukewarm tea, feeling more at peace than she had in a long time.