Best Man for the Wedding Planner

“I’m sorry, Adele. I didn’t think...”

“The world doesn’t stop because I can’t have kids, Dan.”

“I know, but it was insensitive of me—”

“So what would you do, pretend all of your nieces and nephews didn’t exist? Keep me away from pregnant people? Make sure there are subjects that your family wouldn’t discuss in my presence? This is what I meant when I said nothing had changed.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. Just that the timing isn’t great.”

“So you walk on eggshells, is that it?”

She got up from the sofa and paced to the window overlooking the street. “Dan, you deserve someone who can blend in with your family. Who can give you what you want. I can’t. I’ll never be able to.”

He stood up, too, suddenly angry. “I want you. Don’t you get that? That’s all I ever wanted! And you keep throwing up roadblocks!”

“Because they exist, dammit! I won’t pretend they don’t and then get hurt later on because I failed to face the truth. Look at my mom. My dad left before I was even born, and you know what she did? She faced up to her situation and got on with it. She provided for me all by herself. That was her reality and she sure as hell didn’t pretend otherwise.”

“And how has that worked for you? Reality can be pretty damn lonely. Especially when you hide behind it so you don’t have to put yourself out there and get hurt.”

“How dare you judge?”

“I dare because I see it before my eyes. Why didn’t your mother ever get married? I don’t think you even mentioned her having any boyfriends. Why is that? Because she was scared she’d be left high and dry, like she was when your dad left her?”

Adele turned around, her eyes flashing. “You mean like you were after I left, Dan? No substantial relationships because you didn’t trust anyone? Maybe you should look in the mirror before you toss judgments around.”

Her accusation cut him to the quick. “Maybe I should,” he admitted. “You’re right. I stopped trusting.”

“Do you trust me?”

He wanted to say yes. Wanted to say it and tell her that they’d figure it out and work it out and be happy, but he couldn’t lie. Not anymore. Nothing but total honesty would work if they were going to look at being together again.

“No,” he answered dully. “I want to. But I was scared to come over here and was afraid of what you’d say. And I’m scared that if we try to work this out, that you’ll find a reason to leave me again. That...if we’re apart too much, or too long, it’ll make it easier for you to back out.”

“Then you really don’t know me at all.”

“You didn’t let me finish. But I’m willing to take that risk, Del. Because I don’t want us to blow this a second time.”

“As long as you keep me in your sights.” Her eyes teared up and he wasn’t sure if it was sadness or anger or both. “And this is the big problem, don’t you see? You can’t lock me in a box and keep me there like...like Tinkerbell so I can’t get away. You have to believe in me, and you don’t.”

Anger flared to life. “It’s not like I don’t have a reason! I’m human, for God’s sake. I believed in you once and you left, and that was after three years. Of course I have a problem with trust!”

Silence rang out as they faced each other, and his anger left abruptly, washed away by what felt like the pain of inevitability. What had he expected, really? That after a week and a few dates everything would be fixed?

And yet the idea that he wouldn’t be with her again, wouldn’t kiss her or hold her hand was like a hot knife to the gut. Because what they’d said at dinner was also true. They had never stopped loving each other.

“It doesn’t mean I don’t love you,” he said, quieter now, emotion creating a rasp in his voice. “It doesn’t mean I don’t want to try. I do, Del. I want us to try. I’m trying right now.”

“I know you are.” Her voice broke and the tears in her eyes dropped quietly down her cheeks. “But I don’t think it’s enough. I can’t see us making it work when we’d see each other every few months. You’d have to believe in me, Dan. Believe in us. Otherwise we’re just prolonging the inevitable.”

She sniffed, new tears forming at the corners of her eyes. “I know I’ve been clear for a long time, but there’s still a part of me that wonders, every time I have a pap test, if the cancer is going to come back. Or if it will show up somewhere else.”

He looked at her levelly, feeling sorry for her but also needing to give her some truths. “That could happen if we’re together or not. I would have been by your side then, and I woul

d be by your side again. Yes, I have trust issues, and I own that. But you’re doing this out of fear. And I don’t know what to say to combat that.”

She shook her head. “I don’t think there’s anything you can say. The times we spent together... I had hope, you know? It felt so good. So...right. But it’s not reasonable. It’s not reality.”

It finally clicked in his brain that from the moment she’d been born, through her cancer treatment and up until this moment, she’d been programmed to deal with “reality.”