Cole sat there, his coffee cooling, his head full of everything she was telling him, trying to sort through it all. Maybe she’d stayed, but she hadn’t been a very good mother. Certainly not nurturing.
“Would you have wanted to take me?”
Tears filled her eyes. “Oh, yes. And maybe... I don’t know. Maybe I would have been a better parent. Any time I suggested anything, your father told me I was wrong and that he knew what you needed. I suppose you’d say I should have kept trying...but the criticism and coldness got into my head. I told myself he was right. I didn’t know how to parent you. Then he insisted you go away to school...”
Cole shook his head. “Don’t regret that decision. Merrick was the most wonderful time of my life.”
“I do regret it. You sho
uld have had a home to come to, rather than a boarding school being your home.”
Silence fell as that truth settled.
“And now that you’re free, you and Edward...”
“Yes. Me and Edward.” She cleared her throat. “Cole, you had all sorts of material things and advantages, but you didn’t have love and affection. I need to own that, and tell you I’m sorry I failed you. I was so desperately unhappy that I simply didn’t have love to give. And I was afraid if I ever let go of the tight control I had over my life, I’d fall apart and never be able to be put back together again.”
Cole looked up abruptly and stared into his mother’s face. He wondered if he should feel angry in this moment; after all, she was right. He had felt unloved through most of his childhood. And yet he was seeing his mother as another human being, with her own problems and stressors. And he knew that feeling of falling apart. How could he possibly sit in judgment of her and keep a clean conscience?
“It’s okay,” he said quietly. “Listen, I know what it’s like to fall apart. And the good news is you can put yourself back together again. But I understand the fear. I really do.”
“You should hate me. Or at least...not care. I came here expecting that.”
It made him sad, that his mother would think such a thing. What a mess of a relationship they had.
“Mom, after Dad died, and I had taken over the corporation, I did fall apart. I didn’t really say anything, and I made it seem as if I’d taken a much-needed vacation. Truthfully, I thought I had a heart attack and that scared the hell out of me. And then I went into a depression. Dad had worked himself to death, and I didn’t want that for myself. It took that big scare for me to decide to not try to be a mirror image of my dad. It’s why I bought the property in Nova Scotia. You’d like it there, I think. Gorgeous house, lovely beach...”
Wonderful neighbor. Best dog in the world. And the place where he’d left his heart behind.
“Anyway, my point is, there are worse things than falling apart.” He smiled a little. “And I’m glad you told me. Wish you’d told me sooner.”
“Your father wasn’t a bad man, Cole. He just wasn’t the man for me. And my unhappiness made me a poor excuse for a parent. That’s not on your father, either. That’s on me, and I’m sorry.”
He hadn’t expected the apology or the endorsement of his father. He’d guessed long ago that their marriage was one of appearances only. It was different hearing it articulated.
“So you really love Edward, huh?”
If he’d had any doubts, they evaporated when she smiled. Her eyes lit up and the lines of strain on her face melted away. “Oh, I do. He did get married, you know. And divorced. We crossed paths at an event months ago and it just...clicked. Like it had from the beginning.”
Cole thought back to that first morning when he’d seen Brooklyn, expecting some middle-aged woman with a set of knitting needles in her hands, and instead being greeted by a woman with gorgeous waves of hair and shining eyes the color of an October sky. Yes, he could understand that “click” all too well.
He let out a breath. “But don’t you worry that it’ll... I don’t know, be like before? That maybe you’re...” His voice trailed away. “I’m sorry. I think I’m projecting onto you.”
“Have you met someone?”
“Yeah. And you know, I thought I’d got past the whole ‘not wanting a relationship’ thing because she’s different.”
“What happened?”
“She’s convinced that we’re too different. And she needs guarantees.”
His mother nodded. “Except there are no guarantees. You just...take your chances and hope.”
“I’ve been scared to hope,” he admitted.
“Me, too,” she replied, and in an odd move, she reached over and touched his hand. “But Cole, I fell in love with Edward all those years ago. It didn’t end well, and my heart was quite broken, but we’ve got a second chance. And that’s really quite lovely. Maybe you and this woman—”
“Brooklyn,” he supplied.