“Now you can travel back when you have that scent memory,” he suggested. “Maybe I need to get a bottle.”
“I’m not sure it would smell the same on you,” she laughed.
“No, but I could smell it and think of you,” he replied, and she went quiet again.
“Will...”
“I miss you,” he said bluntly.
“Will...”
“No, let me say this. I know our time together was strange and screwed up. But what I felt...what I feel...that’s real. I don’t know what to do about it, Gabi, but to deny my feelings feels so wrong. I wish... I wish we had time to explore what’s between us.”
She did, too, but it was impossible, wasn’t it? And if she agreed with him, it would only make it more difficult. “Maybe we should make a clean break, Will.” It killed her to say it. “This talking and emailing makes it harder.”
“Because you feel the same? Be honest.”
“It won’t help anything to have me say it.”
He let out a huff of frustration. “It’ll help me feel like I’m not alone in this. Damn, Gabi. I feel so alone.”
Hearing him say that hurt her heart. “You have your lovely big family,” she said. She closed her eyes and felt like crying. “But if you told them you wanted to be with me, it would cause a total uproar. None of them know of my agreement with Stephen. As far as they’re concerned, I walked out on him on our wedding day. They all think I broke his heart. Will, we’ve been over this. You say you want this now, but it would mean turning your back on your family, and they mean everything to you. You’d end up resenting me, and I’m not sure I can take another heartbreak.”
He was quiet on the other end.
“Say something,” she whispered.
“My head knows you’re right. My heart doesn’t want to believe you. If I told Maman the truth...”
“There’s no winning here. If you told her the truth, then I haven’t broken Stephen’s heart but I was willing to marry him for his money. Either way I come out of this looking like the kind of woman she will not want for her son.”
“Gabi, I’ve never felt like this before. I’m heading toward thirty and I’ve had girlfriends but none have made me want things I never thought I’d want.”
“Why? Because I’m forbidden? A challenge?”
There was another bald silence, and she knew she’d upset him. But still, these were important questions to ask. Someone had to play devil’s advocate here.
“If you really think that of me, then maybe you’re right. Maybe a clean break is best.”
There it was. The opportunity to walk away, do the sensible thing. It was exactly the opening she was hoping for. And instead of reaching out and grabbing it, she found herself wiping tears off her face.
“I’m sorry.” She sniffed. “That was unfair of me. Oh, Will, you’re the most ethical person I know. I don’t think that of you. I’m just so afraid.”
“Afraid of what?”
“Of...of falling for you. Of having my heart broken again. Of screwing up, just when I am starting to get myself together.”
“You’re falling for me?”
She choked out a laugh. “Come on, that can hardly be a surprise. Not after...” She halted as her throat closed over. That night in her flat had been so magical.
“I know,” he said softly. “Gabi, I think of you all the time. I can’t stop remembering what it’s like to touch you. To taste you.”
The air in the hotel room grew heavy. She remembered all those things, too. And then some.
“Would you consider coming to Paris for a few days?”
To what end? she wondered. What would it accomplish? And yet the idea of spending time with Will, just the two of them, sent a shaft of longing through her she couldn’t deny. “I shouldn’t want this so much,” she whispered into the phone. “Not after such a short time. Not when it’s so complicated.”