The Heiress's Pregnancy Surprise (Heirs to an Empire 2)

She nodded. “Very.” Dare she share with him, even though she didn’t expect the same in return? Perhaps it was safe this way. She trusted him, and when they went their own ways it wouldn’t matter, would it? Plus it would be so good to unload a little without fear of burdening family.

“I have betrayal issues. Or rather, I question people’s motives. It’s what happens when you grow up as we all did. People always want something, even if it’s just to be in the same picture frame with you. They want a job or a perk or to be your BFF. They make you believe they really care for you when really, they’re just using you to lift their own profile. It’s hard to believe people are genuine.”

“I never thought you might be a cynic.” His thumb rubbed circles on her hip and it felt heavenly. “But I guess I can see that. Mark What’s-His-Name being a prime example.”

“Exactly. I am the daughter of an earl, and now my brother is an earl. That alone put us in certain circles. But then, with the success of Aurora, it’s a whole other plane of celebrity. I’m not complaining. It’s such a first-world problem to have, really. But after being burned a few times, I’m careful who I trust.”

“Burned?”

“A few friends when I was younger. And...a couple of boyfriends.” The sting was still present. “I wasn’t in love with them, but I liked them a lot. And then, yes, Mark. My track record is not great, so lately I’ve just...given up.”

“And have been lonely.”

Her breath caught. “Yes.”

“Which is why this thing with Amelie is so hard.”

“Exactly.”

“And yet you trust me.”

She thought about that for a few moments. “There’s nothing you can possibly want from me now. We’re too different. We live utterly different lives from each other. And if I can’t trust someone who is hired to protect people for a living, then I might as well give up altogether. Your whole career is based on trust.”

Though he didn’t move, she felt as if he somehow withdrew after that last sentence. She reached over and smoothed her thumb over his cheekbone. “I said something wrong, didn’t I?”

“Of course not.”

“No, I did. You pulled away just now. Mentally. You don’t have to tell me. I’m just sorry. I didn’t mean to say anything to upset you.”

* * *

Jacob’s throat bobbed as he swallowed. He’d never wanted to tell anyone about Jacinta before, but he felt as if strong-but-gentle Charlotte might understand. A rock of regret settled in his stomach as he spoke. “You said my career is based on trust. You’ve never been more right. As an SAS team member, and as a security company, trust is paramount. It’s just that once I broke one of the rules. It’s a hard thing to get past. I’m not sure I ever will. Or if I should.”

“No one’s perfect, Jacob. It’s unrealistic to expect it of yourself.”

“But when someone like me isn’t perfect, people can die.” The words sounded strangled, as if they were having a hard time coming out of his mouth. “People have died.” Grief welled up in him, feelings he kept trying to move past but never quite succeeding.

She stilled. “I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t talk about it.”

She began moving her thumb again, and the soft, circular motion began to relax him the tiniest bit. He’d gone so tense beside her, his muscles bunched tightly, his jaw clenched. This was what he resisted, always. Someone feeling sorry for him, when he didn’t deserve it. And then the revulsion when they inevitably realized his irresponsibility had caused a death. Sex with Charlotte was one thing. This shared-intimacy thing, though... It was too much. He shifted and went to get out of the bed when she stopped him with a firm grip on his arm.

“Maybe you should,” she advised gently, “with someone who has no stake in it. With someone who is willing to listen without judgment. I can tell it’s eating you up inside.”

He sat back, bracing his back against the headboard. “That’s just the thing, though. If I open up to you, you will judge me. I don’t know how you couldn’t.”

“So you’ve never talked about this with anyone?”

Her question was met with silence.

“But that’s not good for you. Having it fester all this time.” She sat up beside him, faced him and arranged the bedding so she was covered. “Jacob, this whole week you’ve been my safe space. Let me be yours.”

It was such a tempting offer. He hadn’t leaned on anyone in so long. He hadn’t wanted to talk about it with his dad, and he’d lost touch with a lot of guys from the Special Forces community. The ones he hired as security experts... Well, they didn’t dig into each other’s business. “It’s not easy for me.”

“I know it’s not. But you should share it with someone.”

He hesitated a long time, unsure of what to do. The desire to finally talk about it pressed against him, though fear and revulsion held him back. He could still see it all in his mind like it was yesterday. Hear it. Smell it. His mouth tasted bitter and he swallowed, hoping to rid his tongue of the taste. It didn’t work.