“Charlotte, what do you want from me? Why are you here?”
It was so hard sitting across from him. All she could think about was their time together and how safe and secure she’d felt. How she’d relaxed when relax wasn’t really something she ever did. “I told you. I thought this was the kind of news to deliver in person.”
“Fair.” He leaned ahead, resting his elbows on his knees. “But you must have some idea about what you think this should look like.” He motioned with his finger, going back and forth between them. “You always have a plan, Charlie. So what’s the plan?”
They’d known each other for nine days and he already knew that about her. “I’ll raise the baby on my own. I can have a career and a child. I’ll have lots of help and I have it so much better than most women. Financial security is not an issue for me. I’m very lucky, really.”
Then she smiled, and meant it. She knew how fortunate she was. “My sister, Arabella, is already making sounds about being an auntie and Maman is making plans for a nursery at the chateau. I have lots of support.”
He leaned back. “Then what you’re saying is you don’t need me.”
She hadn’t meant it that way, and knew she had to tread carefully now. “Jacob, you need to take time to think about this. I would never deny you access to see your child. That’s not right. But if you don’t want to be a part of this, I want to know before the baby is born. The last thing I want is for my child to have a father who passes in and out of their life, setting up expectations and delivering disappointments. If you don’t want this, it’s okay. But if you do want to be a part, we need to talk down the road about what that will look like.”
His gray eyes flared and she knew she’d hit a nerve. His eyes were the same flinty color as when he’d been angry with her in New York. It was okay, though. She hadn’t expected this to be an easy conversation.
“You expect me to just walk away and pretend my child doesn’t exist?” He let out a huff. “I know we were only together a short time, but I thought you knew me better than that. I have a duty and I don’t intend to shirk it.”
Her heart stumbled. She didn’t want his parenthood to be a “duty.” “Please, don’t do this out of some sense of obligation. I’d rather you not be involved at all than consider visitation some sort of obligation to check off on the calendar.”
He got up from the chair and began to pace. She’d upset him again, but these were things that needed to be said. He ran his hand through his hair—he needed a cut, she noticed, and the urge to sink her fingers into the soft strands was overwhelming. They were talking parenting logistics here, so why was she thinking about touching him? Not helpful at all.
Jacob finally faced her. “I think you and I have differing definitions of duty,” he said. “It’s not the same as an obligation, which to me has a very different connotation. Duty...that is something I choose. I do it consciously, fully recognizing the implications of it. I joined the military of my own free will, and then I had a duty...to my country, to my unit, to my team. It came with risks and rewards, but it was something I chose to bind myself to. When I left the Forces and started this business, I chose duty again. Duty to my clients, of course, but duty to my team to make sure they have the best information and resources possible.
“This baby didn’t ask to be conceived. And I could walk away, I suppose. But that’s not the type of man I am. And so my duty doesn’t come from an obligation but from a place deep inside me. A willing place, a place where I choose to do what’s right. That sort of duty isn’t a burden. It’s an honor.”
She blinked back tears. He was such a good man. But he didn’t love her. And she wasn’t sure she loved him... How could she after such a brief fling?
Besides, nothing had changed. He still ran his company from here and she lived and worked in Paris. He certainly prospered but did so without the intrusive celebrity that came with being a Pemberton. He’d made it into a magazine but he’d never been hit with the tabloids. Being part of the Pemberton family was a whole other level of everything. While many yearned to be a part of that world, it wasn’t Jacob’s style. He’d be miserable, wouldn’t he?
“Okay,” she whispered, still emotional after his speech. “Okay, then, we’ll figure it out. You’ll be a part of our baby’s life.” And a part of hers, she realized. She’d be tied to him forever. It sent a pain rippling through her chest. Tied to him without having him. Maybe it would get easier with time.
He sat beside her on the sofa. “Do you need anything? It must sound ridiculous, I suppose. If you needed something, you could just buy it.”
“What I needed was to tell you, to see where your head’s at.” She wet her lips, which were suddenly dry. “You didn’t disappoint me. You never have.”
“I try,” he replied, and nudged her shoulder with his own.
She laughed a little, and the sound trailed away, a bit wistfully, she realized.
“Are you scared?” he asked.
The question came as such a relief that she bobbed her head up and down quickly. “Oh, thank God you asked that. No one has. I’m terrified.”
“Come here.” He lifted his arm and made room for her to curl in next to his shoulder. She knew she shouldn’t but couldn’t resist. He was so solid and warm, reassuring. She closed her eyes as his arm circled around her and kept her close.
“It had to be a shock. Hell, I’m still shocked. We shouldn’t have been so careless.”
Charlotte didn’t know what to say. To admit that the fire between them had burned too hot to stop would add an element of something to this evening she wasn’t ready to discuss. “Well, it’s done. We’re going to be parents. I figure we’ll just do a lot of learning as we go.” She craned her neck to look up at him. “If we can act as if we’re on the same team, I think it’ll be okay.”
“Act? We are on the same team. We want the same things, right? Listen, I lost my mom young and it was just me and my dad. We did okay, but I want more for my kid. I’ll be there for them whenever I can.”
“And your dad now? Are you two still close?”
He nodded. “I don’t see him as much as I’d like, but yeah, we’re close. We get together for some drinks and darts at the pub ’round the corner from where I grew up. He’s still with the Met, but on a desk now.”
“I’m glad. That you still have each other.”
“Me, too.”