Christmas at Evergreen Inn (Jewell Cove 4)

He hesitated, his hand still on the handle, his insides quaking. He turned his head and saw she was grabbing a coat from the rack, shoving her arms into the sleeves.

A man with an ounce of self-respect would just leave. But he was a man who desperately wanted her to think better of him than she did. And if there was any hope that she might do that …

He’d do what she asked. He’d wait.

* * *

Lainey’s heart was beating so fast it felt like it was up in her throat. He looked so strong and fierce and delectable in his uniform. Worse, she knew what he looked like out of it. There was no denying the power of her physical attraction. But was it enough?

She pushed her arms through the sleeves of the jacket, hurrying in case he decided he didn’t want to wait. She’d been thinking all day. All through the long afternoon, wiping her eyes and nose until they were raw. While she showered and carefully applied makeup to cover her red-rimmed eyes and nose. While she heated a lonely can of soup for her dinner and realized that this was possibly the most pathetic Christmas Eve she’d ever had.

And as she’d thrown the rest of the soup down the garbage disposal, she came to the conclusion that the only person to blame for that was herself. Not Todd. Not Jason. Just her.

He opened the door and a gust of wind blew inside the vestibule. As she followed him out, the open lawn of the church grounds provided them with lots of privacy. Without speaking, they started walking down the path. The snow was deep enough that they couldn’t venture on to the lawn area, not until they got closer to the Nativity scene that went up every year. The caretaker had cleared a path through to the manger and a new bench that was nearby.

Lainey looked down at the doll wrapped in a blanket and set on top of thick yellow straw. “Last year Charlie and Dave found a baby here. It seems like yesterday.” The discovery of the mystery baby boy had been the talk of the town.

Todd nodded, a smile touching his lips. “He was a cute little thing. Barely a few weeks old. I answered the police call, you know.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“I kind of thought this Christmas Eve was going to be dull in comparison.” He looked over at her, his breath forming a puffy white cloud in front of his face. “But I don’t think so. I’m here with you. And that seems plenty complicated.”

She walked away, just a few steps to the empty bench. When she sat down, the cold seeped through her leggings. Todd came and sat beside her, his coat making a rustling sound as he settled on the bench.

“I’m sorry I’m such hard work,” she said, shoving her hands in the jacket. She found a pair of gloves inside and realized that in her hurry she’d grabbed the wrong coat. She started to laugh then. The whole week had been incredibly surreal. Taking the wrong coat seemed somehow perfect.

“What’s so funny?”

She looked over at him and couldn’t help but smile. “This isn’t my coat.”

He chuckled, a deep sound that rode deliciously along her nerve endings. “It’s been one of those days.”

“You’ve been distracted, too?”

“More than I should be. This morning I left because someone called in sick and we had an emergency. It was a rough call. I knew what you must be thinking but I barely had time to grab a sandwich and a coffee at lunch. By the time things settled down, it was nearly time for church.”

She paused. Thought about what she wanted to say. Thought about what she felt and what she wanted to do about it. In the end she resorted to thinking aloud. “You know, no one really knows what they’re doing. Everything’s a crap shoot. We make decisions and they could be wrong or they could be right and we have to live with them and sometimes that really sucks.”

He leaned against the back of the bench and crossed one ankle over his knee. “Are you talking about this morning or the last year?”

She was scared. Terrified. But she looked over at him and admitted, “Maybe both?”

“I’m not him, Lainey. I know you’re afraid of being hurt, but you can’t put that on me.”

“I know that. It’s just easier to say than to do. I’m so afraid of getting my heart broken.” If she were going to be honest, she should be honest all the way. “And you might have the ability to do that, Todd. What happened between us this week … it’s scared the shit out of me. When I got up this morning and you were gone…” Oh, she’d been an idiot and thought the worst and gotten all dramatic instead of waiting for an explanation. She believed him when he said he left a note. She’d tossed the bedspread and pillows around in such a fit, the note was probably underneath something in her bedroom right now. “I jumped to conclusions. I did that because … well, I think it’s become my default mode. It’s not my finest quality, is it?”

He turned on the bench and reached out for her hand, pulling it out of the pocket and cradling it between his own. “It wasn’t just sex for me, Lainey. You need to know that. I’m not seventeen anymore, or even twenty-one. I’m a grown man. I want something more. If you believe nothing else, believe that this was never me amusing myself.”

“I know that. And maybe that’s what scares me so much. Maybe that’s what hurt. I’d let myself believe in you.” His hands felt so good over hers. “It wasn’t just playing around for either of us. It could have been. The chemistry is certainly there.” Just admitting it made her insides curl. “But unless I’m mistaken, there was more, too.”

“Definitely more,” he agreed.

Lainey sighed. “I’m scared, Todd. Scared of letting myself really care for someone again only to be disappointed. Scared of not being able to bounce back a second time when I haven’t done very well the first.”

“You know there’s a chance that you wouldn’t have to bounce back, right?”

As thrilling as that sounded, a part of her found it impossible to believe. “The thing is, if there’s a chance it might work out, there’s a chance it might not. And I’m terrified of taking that risk.”