Instead he was standing at the top of Sarah’s driveway, listening to the sound of music coming from the backyard, the rhythmic beat annoyingly cheerful. Someone laughed, the sound harsh and mocking. He didn’t belong here.
But if he didn’t show up his sisters and his mother would be breathing down his damned neck and asking if he was okay and was he depressed and had he seen someone and how doctors make the worst patients and he’d explode. Truth was, he wasn’t okay. He was grieving. Erin was gone and he’d never be able to make things right. Or take back the things he’d said to her before she left.
So he took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and started the walk down the driveway, around the corner of the house and into the backyard, carrying a six-pack of beer and a manufactured smile.
The sight of red, white, and blue banners and ribbons nearly wiped it off his face. Shit. They were going for the whole Memorial Day patriotism thing, weren’t they? He closed his eyes and gathered himself. This was Sarah. She never did anything halfway. Ever. He should have expected she’d go whole hog.
“Josh!”
Jess was the first of his sisters to spot him and she bounced over, her eyes bright and her smile even bigger. “God, you’re skinny. Sarah’s going to have a field day fattening you up.” She gave him a hug and said lightly in his ear, just loud enough for him to hear, “Are you eating enough? Have another muffin. Why don’t you come for dinner?”
He laughed despite himself, grateful she was the first. “You sound just like her.”
Jess raised an eyebrow. “She mothers everyone.”
“Including you?”
“She tries.” Jess laughed. “If Sarah had her way, I’d be married with a baby on my hip. Settled down.”
Josh’s smile faded even though Jess?
?s had stayed pasted on her lips. “In your own good time,” he said quietly, and their gazes met. Jess swallowed. Josh felt his fingers clench simply from memory. No one knew what Jess had really been through years ago besides him. Her asshole of an ex, Mike, had been an alcoholic and a mean one, and Josh had taken perverse pleasure in breaking two of the man’s ribs as well as his jaw before making it clear that Mike would leave Jewell Cove and never come back.
He didn’t blame Jess for being gun-shy.
“Josh!” Sarah had finally noticed him and came rushing up, a can of soda in her hand and a smile that made it hard to stay mad at her. Her cheeks were rosy and her eyes danced as she pulled him into a hug. She stepped back, handed her can to Jess, and grabbed his arms, looking up into his face. “Now you’re back where you belong,” she stated, satisfaction filling her voice. “I hope you’re hungry. You’re thin as a rail.”
Josh rolled his eyes at Jess over Sarah’s shoulder and Jess gave him a saucy grin in return. Making his way around the group, he shook hands with Mark and hugged the kids and popped the top on a beer while the latest Top 40 songs were cranked out of a stereo. Last in line was his mother, Margaret. Meggie to anyone who really knew her.
Her soft, dark eyes clung to his as she stepped up and put her hand on his face. “Good to have you home,” she said simply, but of all the welcomes, it was hers that caught him square in the heart. The look she gave him was sad and understanding and he felt old beyond his years. They both knew what the others didn’t. They knew what it was to lose a spouse. To mourn without a body.
“It’s good to be home.”
“Liar,” she said quietly, smiling a little. “But you belong here, and it’ll get easier.”
“Will it?”
“Yes, it will. It just takes time. Everyone means well, Josh. Just remember that when you’re tempted to blow up at someone, okay?”
He looked down at her. “Me? Blow up?”
“You’ve got your father’s temper.”
“And my mother’s stubbornness.”
She grinned. “Sorry ’bout that. Now, I hope you’re hungry. The food’s out and the meat’s on the barbecue.”
He helped himself to a burger and potato salad and a few scallops wrapped in bacon. It wasn’t so bad. Sarah’s sloping backyard looked over the water and when he started to feel closed in he would watch the way the sun played over the surface as it got lower in the sky. The water always seemed to calm him the way nothing else could. He even made it through catching up with his cousin Bryce without a whole lot of awkwardness, meeting Bryce’s wife, Mary, and their baby daughter.
And if he felt a pang watching the three of them together, he ignored it. The past couldn’t be changed.
He leaned back in his Adirondack chair when a voice sounded in his ear. “Jesus, wouldja look what the cat dragged in.”
The grin on his face was genuine as he tipped back his head and stared up at Rick Sullivan. “Well, goddamn. The standards in this place have gone way down if they let in the likes of you.”
“You’re tellin’ me. Good to see you, soldier.”
“Semper fi,” Josh said, tipping his bottle in salute. “Pull up a chair, Marine.”