The House on Blackberry Hill (Jewell Cove 1)

Abby’s heart ached for him. “So she let you go and put the military and miles between you. Like Kristian did with Edith.”

“Only Kristian didn’t have a choice, did he? He had to go. I chose, Abby. When Erin came to me right before she deployed the last time and asked me to leave everything behind and be with her, I refused.”

Abby’s chest squeezed. Erin had come back and asked Tom to run away with her? What a horrible position to be in. Happiness, but at such a cost.

“You refused because of Josh.”

“I refused because I knew we could never truly be happy, not with Josh between us. How could I let her divorce him and be with me? He was like my brother. I couldn’t do that to him. I either had to hurt her or hurt him. I told her to go home and make it work. That she’d made her choice. I told her to…” His voice caught. “To start a family like Josh wanted.”

“Do you regret your decision?”

His dark gaze settled on her, accepting the inevitable guilt. “What do you think? Instead of running away with me, instead of going home, she ran away to another tour. And she didn’t come home again. I have to live with that every day.”

He turned away and began walking to the truck while Abby stood, dumbstruck, in the middle of the cemetery. That was what Tom was carrying around? Because of his decision, the woman he’d loved was dead. That was how he saw it, wasn’t it? He was blaming himself.

She went after him, crushing a cluster of purple violets as she rushed to catch up. Tom had been there for her more than once, and most of the time she’d given him a hard time for simply being private. Who could blame him now? No wonder he didn’t want to show how he really felt. He’d been burned too often and still bore the scars.

“Tom, wait…”

She caught up with him about ten feet from the truck and grabbed his arm. “Tom. You have to stop blaming yourself. You can’t live that way.”

“If I hadn’t turned her away, she wouldn’t have gone overseas again. She would have been safe…”

“And you would have been miserable.” She considered for a moment. “The night at Sarah’s, Josh said some pretty nasty things. You could have come back at him with this.” Especially in the heat of the moment. As ammunition went, it was pretty good.

“He lost his wife, Abby.” Tom stared at her like he couldn’t believe she was suggesting something so stupid. “I couldn’t hurt him that way. Not deliberately.”

Her heart ached for him. “You,” she said softly, “are surprisingly loyal and compassionate.”

“I’m not!” He shouted it out and the words echoed through the woods behind them. “Don’t you get it? I was tempted, Abby. So tempted. I kissed her that night and we almost…” He ran his hand over his hair. “I was guilty of everything in my mind and in my heart.”

“This is crazy. You feel guilty for not being with her, you feel guilty for betraying your cousin when you did no such thing, you just feel guilty for everything! Did it ever occur to you that you don’t need to take responsibility for every little thing? Surely Josh deserves some of the blame. After all, you had her first.” Not to mention Erin’s part in all of it. She’d been the one to pit cousin against cousin.

Tom’s eyes blazed. “He’d been through his own challenges. He’d lost his dad and was dealing with trying to hold the family together.”

“So it’s okay that he moved in on your girl?”

He closed his lips.

Abby furrowed her brow, feeling a spurt of anger toward this apparent saint of a woman who’d driven such a deep wedge between Tom and Josh. “Do you know what I don’t understand? I don’t understand how one woman can love one man and marry another and still inspire such devotion in both of you!”

She began to stomp away, feeling less sorry for Erin by the moment and annoyed that Tom and Josh had both been completely wrapped around her finger.

“Why, because no one has ever loved you like that?”

The words cut into her deeply. She caught her breath, frozen to the spot. They were words spoken in anger, lashing out because of his own pain, but they were weapons just the same. Apparently he had no problem deliberately hurting her.

She turned around, determined not to cower away from tough conversations any longer. “Yes, because no one has ever loved me like that. I’ve never been in love before. I sure as hell haven’t been loved the way you and Josh love her. But I do know that if someone loved me as much as you loved Erin, nothing in the world could have forced me to let them go.”

Whether she was perfect or flawed, Tom was going to love Erin until his dying day, wasn’t he? It was a splash of cold, sobering water. “I feel sorry for you. You have a lot to give someone, but until you let go of her it’s just a waste.”

* * *

For long seconds Tom just stared at her. The mourning dove’s cry echoed through the cemetery and over the meadow. Abby’s words hit him with the force of a truck. He’d opened up to her, trusted her, and she still didn’t understand. He knew he was being cruel, but he lashed out anyway.

“Wise words from someone who admits to never having been in love.” Again his words hit their mark, and seeing her wince, Tom felt like an even bigger ass.

“Everyone has their own pain, Tom. It’s not limited to you and your situation. Don’t think you know me, because you don’t.”