“Maybe because it was from someone their own age,” Rose suggested. “Or because adults tend to give each other platitudes and don’t know what to say to children.”
“Sometimes I wonder if it’s better to not bring it up.” Diego slumped into the cushions. “It always upsets them.”
Rose could understand his feelings, but she shook her head. “Maybe, but if I were a child who’d lost a parent, I’d want to feel free to talk about them. So they wouldn’t be forgotten. Expressing grief is important. Feeling like you can have happy memories without upsetting other people helps, too.”
“How do you know so much?” he asked. She looked over at him and tried to stay detached, not get caught in his gaze. He was so completely open. It was a surprise, considering what she’d thought she knew of him.
“It’s not from personal experience,” she replied. “I just . . . I don’t know. I’ve always tried to put myself in other people’s shoes and empathize with them. How would I feel in their situation? It’s served me well at times, but it can be a bit burdensome.”
“I don’t understand.”
She swallowed against a lump forming in her throat. “When you put yourself in the position of someone else, even if it’s just imagined, you take on their feelings, too. And their pain. And you’d do anything to make it better.”
She looked down into her coffee cup and blinked. She’d never really admitted that to anyone before. Apparently they both tended to let down their guard with each other. And that tendency to want to fix things was the very reason why her relationship with her sister was strained. She helped, but she hadn’t given Hayley what she’d really wanted. Rose had put her foot down and Hayley saw that as tantamount to a betrayal.
“I’ve always been an ostrich,” Diego admitted. “I pretend it’s not happening. I go on another trip or visit friends or whatever.”
“Why, do you suppose?”
He thought for several seconds. “I suppose because someone’s always looked after things for me so I haven’t had to deal with them at all.”
“Like when your mother died?”
Silence settled over the room, intimate and slightly uncomfortable. “Wow,” he whispered.
“You’re so attentive to the kids. Is it because you want to help them through what you already went through?”
“Of course it is.” His voice was sharp and his brow furrowed. She’d struck a nerve.
“But Diego, you can’t go through their grief for them. You should know that, especially if someone did that for you. Were you allowed to grieve for your mum?”
He looked away. “Damn, Rose . . .”
She put down her coffee and slid over on the sofa. It was probably not the best idea, but he was in pain. She could sense it and knew she should stop questioning him. He was a prince, for heaven’s sake. And right now as much her boss as Raoul. But she slid over anyway. “You know what they’re going through. And I think you’re going through it again, maybe finally dealing with what you had to shutter away when you were little. I’m sorry, Diego. I’m sorry about Cecilia and Mariana, and I’m sorry about your mum. It’s okay for you to feel loss too, you know.”
His throat bobbed as he swallowed. He put his cup down too and put his hands on his knees. Rose simply waited. It had been a bold suggestion on her part. Very possibly treading into insubordinate territory. For some reason they were becoming friends, even though they shouldn’t.
“I get frustrated,” he admitted finally. “I was so small I couldn’t see what Raoul and father were doing. I know they were trying to protect me, but I ended up so spoiled. So . . . unequipped to deal with stuff. It got better when I went to England to study, you know. My best friend decked me my first day at polo club and it was something I needed desperately. Never upset an Irishman who’s bigger than you.”
She chuckled. She could picture it.
“Then I came back and I wanted to roll up my sleeves and help and I just . . . wasn’t needed. I know what they say about me. I know what Raoul and Father think, but they don’t help me change it. So I look after the stables and I run charities.”
“Those are important things.”
“I know they are. But put me anywhere near state business? I’m kept strictly hands off. They have no idea how capable I am, because they don’t want to see it. Anytime I try to talk to them about it . . .”
He ran his hand through his hair. “It’s like they just give me another toy. Send me on another public appearance. The same way they did anytime I asked about Mother or cried.”
He looked over at her. “Okay, this is getting out of hand. I must sound like an idiot. Forget it.”
She put her hand on his knee. “They tried to distract you,” she said, “so they wouldn’t have to deal with your grief, and theirs too. And you got cheated.”
Diego laid his hand over hers. “I’m a prince. How can I possibly be cheated out of anything?”
“Because you’re human, first and foremost. Maybe being a prince makes it even harder. Different rules apply.”