Alarm settled in the middle of his chest at her inflection of “busy.” “I did. But apparently the mystery of the photograph’s been solved. I don’t need to be away anymore.”
Rose smiled wanly. “You must be relieved. Is there anything else? I need to attend to the children soon.”
He went into her room and shut the door behind him. “What’s going on? I know it was rough, but are you . . . angry with me?”
“Really? You’re going to ask me that?” Her voice lifted, and she let out a breath and rolled her shoulders, as if trying to regain her composure.
“Is it the news stories? Those were all calculated, you know that. All on purpose, to form a diversion.”
“Oh, I’m aware. After the first day, the mystery woman in the garden was forgotten, replaced with the game of ‘who’s Diego out with tonight?’”
She was angry. Very. He hesitated a moment, trying to decide the best tack to proceed. “Nothing happened,” he assured her quietly. “I promise, Rose. It was all for show. Surely you believe me. I value our relationship more than that.”
The sound that came out of her mouth was surprising, considering he’d just been incredibly honest. It was a half-laugh, half-scoff suffused with incredulity, and he knew women well enough to know he’d somehow managed to step on a landmine.
“You value our relationship? That is seriously what you’re going to say to me, when you didn’t even value it enough to say goodbye?”
“I know I left in a rush, but you’d been up late, out walking . . . I wanted to let you sleep. You looked so lovely in the morning. I explained it all in the letter I left. I know it’s not the same as in person—”
“Letter? What letter? The last words you said to me were in my bed, after the ball. Yes, I went out walking, and yes, I bumped into Raoul and we talked and I helped him back inside because he was drunk. You were asleep when I got back, and when I woke up in the morning, you were gone. Full stop. Not one single communication since then, Diego. Not one.”
The unease in his chest grew. “I swear to you, Rose, that I left you a letter. Camila was to look after everything, and deliver it to you later that day.”
“Hmph,” she scoffed again. “I haven’t spoken two words to your assistant since you left. The one time I stopped by her office, she was on the phone and I went to see Stephani instead.”
Camila hadn’t given her the letter. Goddamn it all.
“Rose,” he said carefully, “I swear on my mother’s grave that I wrote you a letter. It wasn’t long, but I did explain why I was leaving, and that our night meant everything to me . . . and that I love you.”
A flash of vulnerability crumpled her face, but only for a split second. “Please don’t,” she said, turning away. “It’s not fair, Diego. I can’t do this anymore.”
* * *
Rose couldn’t look him in the eyes; it made her too vulnerable. Too needy. He’d knocked on her door and she hadn’t had any time to prepare. Just boom, Diego—and all the emotions that went with his sudden appearance.
The sad, horrible truth was that she wanted to believe him.
“Don’t say that,” he said, coming to her side and reaching for her hand.
She pulled it away, trying desperately to be strong. “It’s already done,” she replied, hating the quaver in her voice. “I handed in my notice yesterday.” She’d remain for another two weeks, and then she’d be gone. Off somewhere . . . certainly not another nanny job. No one would hire her now, and the agency would be sure to cut her loose.
“What do you mean? This is ridiculous!” Diego’s voice lifted. “You belong here! The children need you.”
She stared at him now, a hole opening up in her chest. “Did you see the latest story, Diego? It had my name. Accused me of coming between two brothers. I don’t know why you had to leave the morning after the ball. It should have been me. Without me, there was no scandal. No story! I should have been the one to go!”
“I went because for the first time my family needed me, and I could do something to help beyond looking after some ponies or playing in the garden with my niece and nephew. Don’t you get that? This was finally my chance to prove myself. To have some value.”
Silence fell over the room.
“Well,” she finally said, her voice clear and quiet, “your need to be needed came at a cost. I could have resigned, found another position, and kept this all under wraps. But you had to play the family savior, and now I’m without a job, without a reputation, and . . .” She tried to swallow against the lump in her throat to keep her tears away, but she didn’t quite succeed. “And I don’t know how I’m going to face my family. Maybe you needed to prove yourself, but I’ve always been the one who held our family together. Who fixed things. Kept the peace. Never made trouble. Now I’m an embarrassment.”
“That’s not true! None of it’s true.”
“It doesn’t have to be true,” she replied. “I’ve learned very painfully that it just has to appear to be true.”
“I left you a letter,” he pleaded, coming closer. “Rose . . .”
“I can’t, Diego. This has cost me too much already.” Her lip wobbled. She did love him, she did. More than she’d ever thought possible. She even understood his need to prove himself to his family. It was one of the things she admired about him most. But it had also made her a casualty. From the first time he’d kissed her, she’d known she was over her head. Now she had to pick up what pieces remained and find a way to start over.