He stood now, started pacing. “But first we’ll have to tell father. And Diego. You can move into my suite.”
She stood, too. “Stop talking. Just stop.”
He halted. “What?”
“Raoul, I said no. I will not marry you.”
He laughed. “Of course you will. I know things have been screwed up, but we both need to let our pride go. It’s the right thing.”
She clenched her teeth to keep from crying. “Raoul, for a smart guy, you can really be very stupid. I don’t want to do the right thing, don’t you see? I want . . . I want . . .”
He stepped forward so that they were face to face. “What do you want? Because I’m really trying here. My God, Stephani. I’m willing to make you a queen.”
The tears she’d held back started to choke her. “You’re a bastard,” she cried out, unable to keep her cool any longer. “Willing to make me a queen? Did you just say that? Why are you not the man I thought you were? Why aren’t you the man who—”
She stopped. The words sat on her tongue, so thick she was choking on them. Raoul’s brows had pulled together, his cheeks red with . . . anger? Was he angry at her?
“The man who what?” he bit out.
“The man Ceci loved!”
She turned away then, ashamed. She had never truly coveted what Ceci had. Or if she had, she hadn’t ever wanted to take it away from Ceci to have for herself. It wasn’t like that. But what she’d wanted was to have him look at her the way he’d looked at Ceci once upon a time. She didn’t want to be a replacement. She wanted to be loved for herself.
“What do you mean?” he asked, his voice dangerously low.
She took a breath. Turned back around.
“You said you weren’t ready. I accepted that. And I don’t know all the details about your relationship with my cousin, but from what I saw, you always treated her with respect, and love, and affection. Tonight you offered me your kingdom but you didn’t offer yourself, Raoul. That’s not respectful, loving, or affectionate. I’m not a replacement for her. I’m my own person, and I deserve to have someone love me the way you loved her. You didn’t even ask. You just informed me we’d be married, that the wedding would be some slapped-together private affair, and the sooner we did it, the sooner we could make the world think that this baby was conceived after the wedding.”
Her voice shook but she was determined. “In all the years I’ve been here, Raoul, until tonight you have never made me feel cheap. But I do. I’m a problem to be solved, and I’m telling you right now, I won’t have it. I’ll have all of you or nothing. I can’t spend my life trying to live up to what she was to you.”
She lowered her shoulders, surprised at herself for delivering such a speech, glad she’d done it, terrified of the result.
He ran his hand through his hair. “You don’t know what you’re asking!”
“I know exactly what I’m asking. And you being so freaked out gives me my answer. So here’s my counter offer.” Her stomach turned and she willed the nausea away. “I’m going to inform Diego about the change of plans. I’m going to work with Sofia to bring in the new assistant. Then I’m going to take some time off and enjoy my pregnancy.”
“That’s not an offer. That’s a statement.”
“It’s as much of an offer as you made to me, Raoul. And just about as emotional.”
He spun away. “Dammit, Stephani.” He put his hand on the back of a chair, clenching it tightly. “You want all of me. I don’t have all of me to give. Not anymore.”
Her throat tightened. “I know that now. I do, Raoul. That’s what I’m saying. You told me the truth about your feelings and I’ve accepted it. So let me tell Diego about the change of plans. And everything else we’ll do one day at a time.”
She put a hand to her stomach, seriously afraid she was going to throw up now, needing to get out and get some fresh air. When Raoul didn’t answer, she turned on her heel and left the library, then headed to the back of the castle where her car was parked.
Marco was there, closing up the garage for the night. He took one look at her and came over, his dark eyes concerned.
“Stephani. Are you all right?”
She shook her head. “Yes and no. I need a moment.”
“Do you need me to drive you home?”
She shook her head once more. “No, I . . .”
The sickness became overwhelming and she rushed to a hedge and threw up.