He sighed. “Because they’ll settle, right?”
“That’s right. Too bad the settlement doesn’t make me feel any better about my mistake.” Just talking about it made her sick to her stomach.
“What happened?”
She swallowed, a bitter taste in her mouth as she recalled that day for what seemed the millionth time. “Group B strep. During a normal pregnancy, the screening would have already been done. But they’d been in an accident and the baby was coming early and fast. I never even thought about a test—mom was bleeding a lot from her injuries and the baby was crowning.” That one day seemed to change everything Lizzie believed about herself as a doctor.
She’d been up all night on shift, and she’d been dog tired. She’d been solely focused on triaging and treating and packing mom and baby off to the proper departments.
She’d peeled off her gloves and scrubs and called it a day. But the mom had insisted something wasn’t right and Lizzie had blown her off as distressed by her injuries and the chaotic events leading to the delivery. She and the baby had been moved to the neonatal ward and Lizzie had gone home, never giving them a second thought.
“The baby got sick.” It was a statement, rather than a question. He knew all this already, didn’t he? But he was asking for her side … and she found herself sharing it even though talking about it was the one thing she hadn’t done in weeks.
“And I missed it. Two days later the baby contracted pneumonia and it was too late. All because I was in a rush and I was tired and I wasn’t thorough.”
Her throat tightened. It hadn’t been her job to tell the father and mother that their baby was dead. She was just the ER physician who happened to be on duty that first morning. But she’d seen the couple leaving the hospital. She’d never forget it. The mother, her belly still soft from pregnancy, weeping quietly, and the father with red-rimmed eyes, holding his wife as they walked to the exit without their newborn son.
“I’m sorry.”
“Not as sorry as I am.” She knew her voice had hardened, but she couldn’t help it. It had been months now and she still couldn’t escape the guilt. “I get that we all make mistakes. I’ve made mistakes, but none this disastrous, and I’ve always known in my heart that I did all I could. Every other time, I’ve been there in the room making all the calls. But this time I was tired, distracted, and careless. That’s what I can’t seem to move past.”
“Your boss said you are the finest ER doctor he’s ever seen and that he hates that this has happened to you.”
Ian had said that? For a flash she was pleased and flattered at the praise. But it was quickly erased as she recalled seeing his too-handsome face the day he’d called her into his office. There’d been pity, but there’d been distance, too. Ian had to cover his butt. Besides, civil suits happened
all the time. Her leave of absence was far more a reflection of his opinion of her abilities rather than on the case itself.
“He only said that because we were in a relationship until the end of April.”
That must have surprised him, because Josh didn’t say anything for a few minutes. Instead he lay back on the bed of the truck and stared up at the stars. “Well,” he drawled, “that does complicate things a little, doesn’t it?”
“It’s definitely a mistake I won’t repeat,” she said acidly. “I should’ve known better than to get involved with the boss.”
Josh chuckled. “I guess that tells me where I stand, doesn’t it?”
Once more her cheeks heated. She looked down at him and couldn’t help but admire his flat stomach, the curve of his muscles in his T-shirt as he put his arms behind his head. “You’re joking, right?” She sincerely hoped so. It would really suck if things got awkward on the job a mere week after she started.
“Yes, I’m joking. I’m not looking, Lizzie. Though my family thinks I should be.”
“Hence the Summer what’s-her-name comments.”
“Exactly.” He sighed. “When the time is right, I’ll know. Maybe it’ll never be right. For now I like running the practice, hanging with my family, going out on the water in my new boat. Keeping it simple.”
Keeping it simple sounded wonderful, actually. And there was no reason why she shouldn’t treat this summer like a lovely seaside vacation in a rented cottage. So what if she had to work a few days each week? It kept her from being bored. And how many people could say they were spending the summer only footsteps from the beach, anyway?
Encouraged, she flopped down beside him and looked up at the stars. “Gosh, does this mean we’re becoming friends?”
She wasn’t looking at him, but she got the sense he smiled. “Maybe. Maybe I just wanted you to be a little more comfortable around here, so things aren’t so tense at the office, you know?”
She stared at the stars. “Have I been uptight?”
“A little. Listen, I have no complaints about your work, other than you can relax a little. Time moves a bit slower around here. Stop and smell the roses.” He paused. “Or look at the stars.”
She did, for the space of ten long breaths. The weird thing was that neither of them said anything and she didn’t find the silence awkward, either.
A falling star streaked across the sky, leaving a whispery trail behind it. “Whoa, did you see that?” Josh asked.
“Yeah, I did.” She searched the sky for more. “Where my condo is, there’s too much light pollution to really see the stars much. This is cool.”