She nodded, turned away, and picked up the blanket again. For some strange reason there was a stinging behind her eyes. This was not how she’d imagined today ending. When she’d seen Josh on the waterfront, a little escape had seemed like the perfect outlet. But instead of it relieving her tension, now it just made her feel empty.
They picked their way down to the shore again, back to the dock where the boat was tied. Before they got on, though, Lizzie stopped Josh with a hand on his arm.
“Josh, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean for us to fight. I didn’t mean to make things more difficult. I thought we needed to be honest is all.” She swallowed thickly, more upset than she expected to be. “I’m sorry, too, that we’re not on the same page. But it’s better to know now than later, when we could both get hurt.”
Her attempt to ease the situation didn’t work, though. Josh moved his arm from beneath her touch and lifted his hand, cupping her jaw in the curve of his palm. “Lizzie,” he said softly, “who said I’m not hurt?”
“Josh,” she choked out. God, the last thing she wanted to do was hurt him.
“It’s okay,” he answered, sliding his fingers off her skin. “I’ll get over it. I was just kidding myself anyway. You’ve never made any secret of the fact that you aren’t a small-town girl. You’re a city girl who likes a city pace and you’re going back to where you belong. I’ve learned my lesson.”
He got into the boat, solicitously held out a hand to help her in, and then, once she was seated, started it up, backed away from the dock. It was only seconds until they were headed back to Jewell Cove, skimming over the chop as evening clouds began to move in, a precursor to the rain forecast for the next day. The sound of the motor filled the air, eliminating the need to talk. A good thing, too. She knew what he meant. He’d been comparing her to Erin and determining that he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. She didn’t want to be hurt, but she was.
Twenty minutes later the wharf was in sight and Lizzie reached down and retrieved her bag, clutching the handle in her hands until her knuckles went white. Once they docked she’d be walking away from Josh. She should have known it was a mistake to start anything with him. Hell, should have? She had known. And ignored it. At least Josh wouldn’t fire her. He needed her to cover in Charlie’s absence, and Lizzie knew him well enough now to know he’d maintain a professional veneer for the next few months until Charlie returned to work.
He didn’t even tie the boat, just pulled up slowly, eased it next to the dock, and held it steady while Lizzie got out.
She looked down at him once her feet were on the solid surface. “Josh, are we okay? I don’t wa
nt things to be awkward at work, you know?”
He looked up at her. “We’re fine. No hard feelings, Lizzie. We want different things. Like you said, better to figure it out now.”
His eyes were utterly sincere, but there was a tightness in his jaw. She had hurt him, hadn’t she? Without meaning to. And all he’d been was supportive since she moved here.
Once again, she felt as though she’d screwed up everything.
“I’ll see you at the clinic then,” she answered, mustering up a smile.
“Sure will,” he replied, and sent her a smile. But not the intimate one she’d gotten used to, or the one with the edge that said he was dying to touch her again. This was unfailingly polite and made her feel like crap.
He pulled away, leaving her standing there on the dock feeling like an idiot.
Finally she turned her back and walked up the pier, to the lot where her car was parked. And as she drove back to the cottage at Fiddler’s Rock, she figured she would have been better off going zip lining after all.
* * *
Over the following days Lizzie formed a pattern of existence.
She worked her shifts according to the schedule posted, saw patients, wrote prescriptions, smiled when it was required, spoke to Josh when necessary, and was the model of professionalism at the clinic. She checked in with Charlie every other day, often taking a treat or something she’d picked up for the baby: brownies, a stuffed toy, a rattle, fresh lemonade. On the opposite days she called to check up on her mom, sometimes talking to her and other times talking with the staff.
Lizzie and Charlie made the drive the following Sunday. Charlie was feeling better, still tired, and Lizzie had checked her blood pressure and found it higher than she would have liked, so she was keeping a close eye.
But a day out would be good, particularly one where they could drive with the top down and relax with each other.
Right now they were past Portland and almost to the state line when Charlie rolled her head against the seat back, looking at Lizzie from behind oversized sunglasses. “Okay, chick. I’ve been waiting for days for you to say something about Josh and you’re closed up tighter than a clam. Either you two are being incredibly discreet or that whole situation blew up. Which is it?”
A strange emotion clutched at Lizzie’s heart for just a second. “It blew up. Actually, I blew it up. But it’s okay, Charlie. Really.”
“Uh-huh.” Charlie still stared at her. “You trying to convince me or you?”
Lizzie concentrated on the road. “I didn’t bring you along for the third degree.”
“Fair enough.”
And in typical Charlie fashion, she shut up.
It drove Lizzie crazy. It was just like the first day she’d been in Jewell Cove, sitting on Charlie’s deck, such a mess about her dad and her leave of absence and everything else that she wanted to talk and was scared to. And Charlie had simply waited. Just like she was doing now, her face turned up toward the sun, her hand resting on her swollen belly.