And Josh. It seemed hugely inappropriate that she would think of him while sitting with Ian, but she couldn’t help it. The two of them were doctors but as different as rain is from sun.
She knew which she preferred, and it made her uneasy. She’d left Ian behind without too much difficulty. Josh was going to be a lot harder to forget.
“I’m glad,” Ian replied, relief evident in his voice. “Look, Lizzie, I wanted to see how you’re doing, if the time off has been good for you. I can see it was. You’ve got that sparkle back in your eyes and you look rested. I’m so glad.”
“My schedule isn’t quite as demanding as I’m used to.”
He chuckled. “I bet. Are you longing to get back to the craziness of the ER? I can’t picture you really being happy here. Nice for a vacation, but it’s not you in the long term. You’re not happy unless you’re in the middle of the action, with something new to challenge you every day. Ingrown toenails must get a little boring after a while.”
It bugged her that Ian would presume to tell her about herself. He’d only known her a few years.
What bothered her more was knowing that he was right. That he was describing the old Lizzie to a T. Hadn’t she thought the exact same thing when she’d arrived?
“Are you offering me my job back, Ian?”
“I am. It’s not the same without you, Lizzie. I know you took this job out of spite, that you were unhappy with me. But that’s all over now. We can move past it, can’t we?”
She stared at him, unsure of what to say, wondering if she should actually say anything at all. What was he saying? That he wanted her back as well?
“You mean the leave of absence thing, right?” She sat back in her chair a bit, considering, doing a lot of tongue biting because she didn’t want to say anything rash.
“That,” he said softly. “And other things as well. I’ve missed you.”
She hadn’t missed him. Not that way. “Ian,” she said, wanting to be clear but tactful, too, “we got together because we had things in common and, well, it was convenient. But I’m not in that place anymore. Those reasons aren’t enough for me.”
His smile faded. “They used to be. And it was more than that, Lizzie. I cared for you. I still do.”
“And that’s why you didn’t call me all summer?”
He blushed a little.
“I didn’t call you, either.” She vaguely re
membered a rumor at the hospital about Ian seeing someone new just before Lizzie left. Not for a second did she think that had anything to do with her leaving. Ian did have some integrity, after all. “You were with someone else for a while. Didn’t that work out?”
The blush deepened, an unflattering shade next to his reddish hair. “It didn’t, no.” He swallowed and looked at her. “She wasn’t you.”
Lizzie had the odd feeling that she should be happy. That Ian was here, offering her not only her job but also a second chance at romance. She knew for sure she didn’t want the relationship, and she had no idea how she felt about the job. How was that possible when only weeks ago she’d been furious at being let go?
He put his hand on hers and twined their fingers together. “Lizzie, we can work things out, can’t we? We’re the same sort of people with the same goals and dreams. I know what makes you tick. I want to try again. I want to go back to how things used to be.”
Lizzie pulled her hand away. She couldn’t stop thinking about Josh, the way he looked at her that day on the island when they’d made love. She didn’t want to, but she suspected that he was now the man who’d set the bar for her, and right now Ian wasn’t coming remotely close to measuring up. She was starting to see herself a little more clearly thanks to Josh.
“Things won’t be like they used to be because I’m not like I used to be,” she said quietly. “I’ve changed, Ian. And I don’t feel that way about you anymore. I want someone who can blow my mind, who can surprise me. Who can make my life exciting and an adventure. We have too much in common. I don’t want to be the woman on your arm because we fit or could be this great power couple.” She blinked against a sudden stinging in her eyes. “You know what I want, Ian? I want a grand passion. I want to be swept off my feet. And it might not always be comfortable and it might not be easy, but that’s okay. You and I would never have that kind of relationship. And it’s not fair to you for me to pretend. I need to be honest with you from the start.”
Quiet descended on them, uncomfortable and heavy. Ian stared out over the bay, hurt written on every feature. Lizzie waited, and as the seconds ticked on she wished he’d say something so they could move forward.
Finally he sighed. “Okay,” he said quietly. “Okay. I get it. Ouch, but I get it.”
Her face relaxed slightly. “Thank you, Ian. I wasn’t trying to hurt you. It’s just … it’s really over, that’s all.”
“And the job?” he asked. “Are you still coming back? We could really use you. It wasn’t long ago that you were the best doctor in the department. You’re young and ambitious and smart and your career is just beginning.”
Funny, her dad had said the same thing on her first day on staff at the hospital. He’d been so happy and proud and she’d been happy, too, seeing that light in his eye. His approval and encouragement had meant so much.
What would he think of the woman sitting here today? Would he feel disappointment? Pride? Did any of it matter? He was gone. Really, really gone.
She missed the pace and challenge of working in an emergency department. But she wasn’t sure she fit in in Springfield anymore, either.