“There’s no hope for you and Josh?”
“I don’t know. He says he’s over his ex, but he has issues he hasn’t resolved yet. We started something up thinking it would be fun. A fling. But Josh isn’t a fling type and I don’t think he’s ready for something serious. His mind is closed where I’m concerned.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Me, too, actually. I mean, the idea of a real relationship has me scared to death. But it hurts to let him go, Charlie.”
Tears were threatening again. “Oh, for Pete’s sake, what’s wrong with me?”
Charlie reached over and patted her hand. “You let someone in, sweetie. And then they shut you out. It hurts.”
“Damn right it does,” she agreed.
They sat for a few more minutes.
“I really got used to having you around more. I’m going to miss you if you leave.”
“Josh said he’d find someone to take over the rest of your leave. No worries there.”
“Maybe you can find something closer.”
“Maybe.” Liz’s heart was heavy as she added, “I have my mom to think about, too. I need to be close to wherever she is. I’m the only family she has now. I don’t really know where to begin, you know?”
“Of course I do.” Charlie’s eyes were dark with concern. “Are you sure you can’t talk to Josh? Work things out?”
“He has to be willing to listen,” Lizzie said. “I’m not blameless. I sent him mixed signals all summer. I got scared after we slept together and came up with those stupid rules and basically told him it was a friends with benefits thing.”
“Josh isn’t an FWB type.”
“Exactly. And I told him I didn’t have anything more to offer. I still thought I’d be leaving to go back to Springfield. God, what a mess I am.”
“Then take time and figure it out. Find your joy, Liz. You’ve gone cliff diving and bungee jumping and zip lining and Lord knows what else. Be just as fearless with your life. Take a chance. Find what you want to do and step off the edge into the unknown. Go after what makes you happy and the rest will fall into place.”
“That’s good advice.” She smiled at Charlie. “You know you’re my sister from another mother, right?”
“Of course I am. Which is why this baby here is going to call you ‘Auntie Liz.’”
“I can’t wait to meet him or her.”
“Her,” Charlie whispered. “I wasn’t supposed to know, but I saw the sonogram results. We’re having a girl.”
It was so damned perfect that Lizzie nearly started crying again.
Charlie’s eyes misted over, too. “Do you want to stay over, Liz? You can have the spare room. We can stay up and drink hot cocoa and talk, like we used to do.”
She nodded. “I’d like that a lot.”
The evening was cooling, so they got up and went inside where it was warm. Dave had washed the dishes and hung the tea towel on the oven door handle. He was sitting in front of the television, watching a baseball game and putting together what looked to be a mobile for the baby’s room.
“You’re sure I’m not intruding?”
“Don’t be silly. Of course not.”
Charlie gave Lizzie something to sleep in and before long they were ensconced in Lizzie’s room with mugs of hot chocolate and a plate of cookies and a stern admonishment from Charlie to not worry about crumbs. They talked and laughed and Lizzie felt the baby move and they cried a little for things they’d lost and those they’d gained, too. And when the moon rose, Charlie fell asleep instead of going to her own bed with her husband and Lizzie crawled beneath the covers and watched her best friend, her heart mostly full.
But there was still one empty space. And Lizzie suspected it was Josh-sized. She wasn’t sure what to do with it. The only thing she knew for sure was that she had to keep moving forward.
CHAPTER 21