Summer on Lovers' Island (Jewell Cove 3)

She wasn’t so sure. Being snowed in … particularly with Josh … held a certain allure. He’d shut her down the other night. But her feelings hadn’t been shut off so easily.

“It was nice of you, Josh, considering. I know you’re not happy with me right now.”

He was quiet for a few moments. “It’s not you I’m not happy with. It’s me. I like to pretend that everything is in the past and it doesn’t affect me anymore, but clearly it does.”

“It’s understandable,” she replied.

“No, it’s not. I snapped at you and then I went out and made an ass of myself. Some pillar of the community, huh?”

She straightened her spine. “So what? You’re human.” She shrugged. “Know what, Josh? It can be hard living up to such a stellar example. Believe me, I know. Sometimes it’s nice to know that ‘perfect’ people mess up once in a while. I don’t think one transgression will tarnish your reputation too badly.”

She took a sip of coffee and sent him a wry look. “Besides, all you have to do is pop one of those dimples at the little old ladies and you’re back in their good graces. Mention that your bender was over a woman and you’ll get all the ‘poor Joshes’ you can handle.”

“Don’t even,” he remarked. A little of the tension between them eased, but not all. The last words they’d really spoken—other than necessary updates at work, which they tried to avoid—had been filled with anger and resentment.

“Lizzie,” he said quietly, so quietly she wasn’t sure he’d spoken at all. The storm was spooling up now, the trees bending in the wind and spray from the cove misting the windows. It was funny how she’d never noticed the everyday hum of electricity before, but in the absence of it the air felt empty and expectant, punctuated by gusts that made the little house tremble.

She looked over at him.

“Liz, the other night … I was angry. And maybe a little scared. I think you came to explain and I didn’t give you a chance. All I could see was the past repeating itself. You told me the score from the beginning. I was the one who tried to change the rules.”

Oh God. He really had no idea how she felt. “Oh, Josh,” she said as a strange relief filled her. “I guess it’s not surprising that you feel that way. I did a good job fooling both of us with those damned rules.”

“Both of us?”

She put her mug down on the coffee table, turned on the sofa, and tucked her leg beneath her. “Yes, both of us. I was scared, too. I’m still scared. Those rules, they were my way of trying to protect myself.”

“From getting hurt.”

“In a way, yes. That night at your house, I came to tell you that I’d seen Ian. I wanted you to hear it from me and not anyone else. But then Sarah saw us—she’s the one who told you, right?”

“It wasn’t her fault. She just worries about me. Obsessively.” He rolled his eyes. “I know she just doesn’t want to see me hurt again. She was there when I was at my worst after Erin died. She saw it all. I understand it, even if her meddling drives me crazy.”

“And she told you I’d had breakfast with Ian.”

“And that you looked cozy. And that you’d made a point of saying he’d stayed at the inn.”

“He did stay at the inn.” She held Josh’s gaze steadily. “He came to see me, acted as if the last four months hadn’t happened. I couldn’t believe it. The gall, you know? He offered me my job back. And the girlfriend position, too, which is quite hysterical when I think about it. As if. So I told him I needed to think and I sent him to the inn and we made plans to meet for breakfast. I don’t want Ian. I haven’t for some time and I was never in love with him. He just … checked what I thought were the right boxes. And so did my job. They—both of them—were what I thought I was supposed to do. Mostly to live up to my dad’s legacy. When Ian left the café that day, I’d turned down both positions. That’s what I was coming to tell you.”

His lips had dropped open. “You’re not going back to Springfield?”

She shook her head. “I don’t fit there anymore. I need to find my own place and make my own way rather than trying to be Dr. Howard Junior. Does that make sense?”

“Yes,” he said, “it does. I’m sorry I bit your head off.”

“I wanted to tell you, but you didn’t want to hear it. And you wouldn’t have believed me. I understand why, Josh. I know you came second with Erin and how that made you feel. I know that sometimes I remind you of her and that hurts.”

“You were honest with me, Liz. Always, even when I didn’t want to hear it.”

She was so relieved they were talking again. She’d missed that so much. “Josh, you deserve to be first in someone’s life. And that won’t happen until you believe that it can be true. I don’t know how you’re going to find your way to trusting again, but I hope you do.”

“I know you’re right. I knew it the other night, too. I felt so shitty about how I treated you that I figured I’d fix everything with some rye and Coke. And then a few more and the next thing I knew I was cursing all women and they called Bryce to come get me and take me home.”

Her heart softened even more. “I’ll stay until you can find someone else. I want to spend some time with Charlie anyway. And if we can find a way to getting along, to … being friends, maybe, I could stay until the maternity leave is over. I need to figure out what to do next anyway. Where I want to work, and if that means being close to my mom or moving her somewhere else to be near me. I don’t like being hours away from her now. I need her close by. And she needs me for whatever time she has left.”

“Stay,” he said softly. “We’ll make it work.”

And then their gazes held and that damnable chemistry flared to life again. Only it was something more. Not just attraction but something bigger. Fuller. Something scary and amazing and it didn’t take words or actions. It was just there between them, holding them both captive. It wasn’t staying because they could be civil. It was stay. With me. She didn’t need to hear the words to know it was true.