In the Line of Duty (First Responders 2)

“So the golf thing…”

“I just want to take a step back. Do something a little outside ourselves. Something normal, Kendra. I don’t remember the last time something felt normal.”

She couldn’t either, to be honest. “I’m not even sure what normal is.”

“I know. So let’s just…slow it down. See where it goes.”

She couldn’t believe he was backing off. She should be relieved, but instead she somehow felt like she was lacking in some way. That it had more to do with her than it did with him.

“Did I do something wrong? The other night…”

“Of course not.”

“I just mean…” Well, hell, it was go-for-broke time, wasn’t it? And she’d rather know the truth than some weird lame let-her-down-easy bit. “Look, I don’t have a lot of sexual experience. Because of my mom and the way I avoided relationships…” She took a deep breath. “I lost my virginity when I was twenty-two because I felt like a freak being the only woman I knew who hadn’t. It felt more like a liability than anything else. It was a relief to be honest. So if I…well, you know…”

His smile was so tender it seemed to put a little dent in her heart.

“You are so adorable.” He lifted his hand and touched her chin. “You can be tough as nails one moment and soft and unsure the next. I never quite know where I stand with you, Kendra.”

“I don’t want to be adorable.”

“What do you want?”

“I don’t know.”

He stroked her cheek. “I know you don’t. That’s why we shouldn’t rush into anything.”

Something warm and unusual stirred inside her, a feeling she wasn’t quite comfortable with. “I think I liked you better when you were a pain in my ass.”

“It was easier, wasn’t it?”

She nodded.

“So…teammates?” he asked. “It’s a good place to start, right?”

It was the idea of starting anything that freaked her out so much. Because starting something pretty much presumed an ending too. And endings were what she’d been avoiding her whole life. They hurt way too much.

But it was just an afternoon of golf. He wasn’t really offering any more than that, and she was making a big deal over a little thing. She nodded. “Okay. Teammates.”

Satisfied, he put his hands on his knees and stood up. “Good. I should get going then. It’s been busy at the pub and I need to get back.”

She walked him to the door. He paused in the doorway and looked down at her. “Thanks for the cake.”

She snorted. “I warned you I’m not much of a cook.”

“Doesn’t matter.” He leaned forward and kissed the crest of her cheek. “See you around.”

When he was gone, Kendra shut the door and leaned back against it. What the hell had just happened? She wasn’t sure if they’d just moved forward or if they’d taken one giant holy-shit-that-freaked-me-out step back.

She’d bet on the latter. Because even if she did allow herself to feel something for Jake—to care for him—she knew a let-her-down-easy move when she saw it. No one ever really stayed around for long anyway. They always left her eventually.

She’d bet this whole golf thing was just a consolation prize, something to smooth the way to her becoming someone he’d had a thing with once.

But she’d go, because she wasn’t about to hide away anymore. She had too much pride. Besides, if she didn’t show, Jake would know, wouldn’t he?

The last thing she wanted him to know was how much he mattered.

Chapter Eight