Oh, dear.
She suddenly realized that Joe was watching the
m with one eyebrow raised and she forced a smile, grabbing a dishcloth and starting to run some water into the sink. “I’m afraid the kitchen is quite a mess,” she said, knowing it was inane conversation but desperately needing to fill the gap of silence. “I’d better get started on these dishes.”
“And I’d better get back to town.” Joe stood up, brought his cup to the sink. “Nice to meet you, Emily.”
“You, too. Congratulations again.” She squeezed soap into the running water. She didn’t dare look at him. She’d blush, she just knew it. She’d been horribly transparent when she’d met Luke’s gaze.
“Thanks for bringing the parts out,” Luke said, grabbing another cookie. “I’m heading back out, but now I can get a start on them tonight.”
A start? Emily’s head swiveled around to look at him. Did he work from dawn until dusk every day?
“Oh, and I brought out some rhubarb,” Joe added. “Liz sent it. She said if you couldn’t use it now to freeze it. I’m betting Emily could work her magic on it though.”
“I can try,” she said softly, watching the two of them leave the kitchen and head to the front door.
It was all so normal. A family who cared and looked after each other. Even the idea that Joe had been sent to scope her out for the family didn’t really bother her. It was what families did, she supposed. When Luke needed a tractor part, his brother-in-law brought it. Cait worried about him and his other sister sent rhubarb. It was their way of showing they cared. The kind of big family she’d always wanted and had never had.
Sam hopped down from his chair and asked if he could go play in the yard. She let him go, not wanting him to see the telltale moisture gathering in her eyes. She was a good mother. She knew that. She loved Sam and had never regretted staying home with him. But who was there for her?
She scrubbed at the mixing bowl that had held the cake batter and sniffed. Suddenly she wished for an older sister or brother. Someone she might have called when her life was falling apart to reminisce with about childhood. Someone to share her hurt with—and someone to make her laugh again.
Someone like Luke, last night. He’d listened. He’d even made her laugh a little. But Luke was different. There was nothing brotherly about the way she reacted when she was near him. That frankly scared her to death.
“I thought I’d bring you the rhubarb before I headed out.”
For once she hadn’t heard him come back in and his deep voice shimmered along all her nerve endings. She swallowed, hating that he’d caught her in a moment of self-pity. “Thank you, Luke. I’ll make sure I do something with it right away.”
“Em?”
He shortened her name and the intimate feeling of being alone with him multiplied.
“Are you okay?”
She gave a little laugh. “Oh, it’s foolishness. You caught me being a little sorry for myself, that’s all.”
“Why?”
He took a step closer.
She could hardly breathe. “I don’t know your family, but I get the sense that you all look after each other. It’s nice, that’s all. I don’t have any brothers or sisters.”
“You’ve handled your situation all alone, haven’t you?”
“Pretty much. Friends can only take so much of hearing your troubles, you know? I’m not very much fun these days. So many of them are couples, and I was suddenly the odd man out. They were Rob’s friends, too, and it is awkward if you’re suddenly picking sides. It was just…”
“Easier to stay away?”
She looked up, surprised yet again that he seemed to understand so easily. “Yes, I guess so. Sometimes I miss the easygoing, fun Emily I used to be.”
“Taking the responsibility of the world on your shoulders tends to have that effect,” he replied, coming to her and putting his wide hands on her arms. “You are doing the best you can, right?”
She swallowed, tried to ignore the heat from his hands soaking through the cotton of her shirt. “Taking care of Sam is everything to me.” She blinked, feeling herself unravel at the kind way he was looking at her. “Not being able to support us makes me feel like such a failure.”
He lifted one hand and gently traced his thumb beneath her eye, lifting the moisture away from the skin. “You are not a failure, Emily. You only fail if you stop trying. And I might not know you well, but I can see you’re no quitter.”
It was a lifeline to cling to and she shuddered in a breath. But when she looked up into his eyes, everything seemed to drop out of her, making her feel weightless, feel that the clock on the wall had suddenly stopped ticking.