“Miss Douglas?”
The nurse came back, cradling a white-and-blue wrapped bundle in her arms. “He’s been bathed and given the seal of approval. Are you steady enough to hold him?”
In the moments after Nathan’s birth, Carly had held her son against her, marveling at the miracle she’d so desperately wanted. At the time she’d still been hazy with pain and running on autopilot. Now she lifted her right arm and the nurse placed him in her embrace. Her heart nearly wept with a kind of pure joy she’d never experienced before. He was so perfect. A tiny button nose and stubborn little chin and just the palest dusting of blond hair on his head. His face was pink, there was a tiny scratch on his cheek and he was oh, so tiny. But he was hers.
She looked up at Gabe, needing to talk to someone and knowing he’d somehow understand. “Jason didn’t want children,” she confessed. “I knew it. I’d resigned myself to it. Nathan wasn’t planned, and Jason…” She swallowed, biting back the hurtful accusations her ex-husband had hurled her way. Did they truly matter anymore? “Well, he blamed me for a lot, including getting pregnant on purpose. It cost me my marriage, but I knew I wanted to be Nathan’s mother from the second I got the test results. I might have lost that tonight if not for you, Gabe. You’re our hero.”
The warmth in Gabe’s eyes died and she felt his withdrawal, cold and complete. He stood and put his hands in his pockets. “You should get your rest. You’ve been through an ordeal, and it’s after midnight.”
Carly bit down on her lip. “Did I say something wrong?”
Gabe shook his head but the warmth didn’t come back to his gaze. “Of course not. I’m glad you are both okay, but it’s late.”
She felt a sting of embarrassment. Of course he wanted to get home. He’d probably had plans or something and instead got stuck at the hospital on his day off and listening to her go on about her ex-husband—after he’d kissed her. Just what any man would want to hear, right? She was a damned fool.
The kiss really had been nothing. Or even if it had been something, Gabe obviously now regretted it. A spur-of-the-moment emotional thing, that was all. Hero? She wanted to sink through the floor. How foolish, how trite could she possibly sound?
The nurse was still present, preventing Carly from saying anything more personal. It was like the woman couldn’t sense any undercurrents, and Carly was left feeling even more confused. Was she imagining it all? She was exhausted. She’d had no sense of time since the accident and now the adrenaline was wearing off, leaving her limp and tired. She needed time so she could look back on tonight and be objective, figure things out. “It’s been an eventful night,” she replied, not knowing what else to say.
“You can try feeding him now,” the nurse suggested, and Carly watched Gabe’s cheeks turn a telling shade of pink as he realized she meant breast-feeding.
“Thank you, Gabe,” she said quietly.
“Take care,” he replied. He gave her hand a quick squeeze but left the room without saying another word.
Chapter Three
It took Gabe two days to work up the courage to visit Carly. He spent all of Saturday digging and shoveling and sweating in his yard, using the physical labor to think about anything other than how it had felt to kiss her. Problem was, busy hands didn’t quiet a busy mind, and he’d spent an equal amount of time calling himself a stupid ass for doing it. She’d been in a traumatic accident and then gone through the delivery of her son. And what had he done? He’d totally lost his perspective. He’d kissed her. He was officially an idiot.
And then he remembered the soft way she’d called him a hero and got out the axe, split a half cord of wood and tossed it in an ever-growing pile for next winter. He was not a hero. Never a hero. He wished she’d never said it. She didn’t know the truth and he would never tell her. It
was bad enough that Brandon’s angry words still bounced around in his head after all these years, worse still that his friend had been right. Gabe wasn’t certain he could handle the same sort of censure from Carly. It was better to walk away and let her think what she may. He knew the truth, and the truth was Carly Douglas deserved better than him.
Sunday he was back on shift, which created a new set of problems. Responding to a call and remembering that moment when he’d realized it was Carly behind the wheel. Driving in the ambulance, thinking about how Carly had held his hand so tightly as her contractions had started. Being at the hospital, knowing she was only steps away in the maternity ward and wishing for things that would never be.
By the end of the day he couldn’t stand it anymore. He wasn’t going to bother her, he rationalized. He’d promised himself that he’d keep his distance and that was what he’d do. He’d just look in the nursery window at the babies. Take a peek at Nathan. Make sure everything was all right before heading home again and leaving it all behind.
Gabe stood at the nursery window, looking down at the row of clear bassinets marked with either pink or blue cards. There he was…Nathan Douglas.
He was sleeping peacefully with a flannel blanket tucked around him and his tiny mittened hands resting behind his ears. Something that felt like pride surged through Gabe. Carly had a son, a strong, beautiful boy. And Gabe had been there, holding her hand, helping her bring him into the world, at least at first. That made him part of it. It gave him a connection to this tiny sleeping bundle. That would explain the way his heart twisted at the sight of the infant.
He’d lost his chance with Carly years ago, he knew that. There was a reason why he didn’t speak to Brandon anymore, and he deserved every bit of blame aimed his way. What woman would want the man who’d nearly killed her brother? Nothing he could do—nothing he had done—could make up for that critical error. Friday night had been an extenuating circumstance but certainly nothing that would wipe the slate clean. And he knew the Douglases would realize it in the clear light of day.
So he stared at her baby through a pane of glass, feeling his heart contract with wishes he hadn’t dared contemplate for a long time.
“Gabe?”
He spun at the sound of her voice, his traitorous heart leaping at the sight of her before he could issue it the warning to back off.
“Carly. I got off work and thought I’d peek in at the new arrival.” There. He’d done it, his voice even and steady even as his pulse galloped along. She was so beautiful, even without makeup. She had on a pair of yoga pants and a zippered blue hoodie that somehow picked up the color of her eyes. Her hair was wet, the blonde strands darkened with moisture from her shower. He could smell the flowery scent of her shampoo as she drew nearer. Worse than that, his gut twisted at the ugly bruise on the side of her face, riding the crest of her cheekbone. He reminded himself that Carly was off-limits. He was so thankful he’d been there for her on Friday, but it really changed nothing. It didn’t make up for past mistakes.
“He’s beautiful, isn’t he?” Carly joined Gabe at the window, hoping her voice sounded normal and not as breathless as she felt standing shoulder to shoulder with him. “They brought Nathan back to the nursery while I had a shower, but I think I’ll take him back to my room now. I like having him beside me. I could stare at him forever.”
She didn’t want to let Nathan out of her sight, and having him with her took away the loneliness that seemed to stand on the sidelines, waiting for the first opportunity to sneak into her heart. How many times had she rubbed her belly, talking to the baby to take away the silence in the evenings? He had been her company for the last long months.
But there was more to it now. She told herself it was just mother’s instinct to have her baby near, but there was a lingering voice telling her she was overreacting, not only about Friday’s accident but to the fact that she was all alone. No baby had ever been wanted as much as Nathan, but Carly was smart enough to know it wasn’t up to an infant to solve her problems.
It wasn’t up to Gabe either, and she shouldn’t be feeling this glad to see him. And yet she’d thought about him often over the last few days, wondering why he’d left her room so quickly the night of the accident. What had she said that was wrong? Why hadn’t he come back to see her? She’d had plenty of visitors, but she had really wanted Gabe. To truly thank him now that the dust had settled. For some reason, he’d stayed away. After all this time, couldn’t they be friends again?