Off The Clock (First Responders 1)

She laughed a little. “It has to be something. You need to lighten up.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You could start with why you’ve been avoiding me.”

He put down his gelato cup. “I haven’t.”

Nathan’s eyes had opened and Carly rocked the carrier seat lightly with her foot. “Sure you have. You haven’t even stopped in to say hello lately.”

“I was busy,” he said, knowing it sounded like a paltry excuse. Maybe he had been avoiding her, but only because he wanted to be with her, not the opposite. But how could he possibly explain that without putting any pressure on her?

“It doesn’t matter. I know I’m not the best company these days. I always end up with something on my shirt and my house generally looks like a tornado blew through it. Who knew one tiny baby could cause so much havoc?”

Even with mystery stains and messy hair she was the most beautiful woman he knew. And again he bit his tongue, knowing his compliment would be unwelcome. “You think I stayed away because of some spit-up and dust bunnies?” He crossed his ankle over his knee and put an arm along the back of the bench. “Believe me, that’s not the reason.”

“Then what is?”

Why had he responded at all? Now she was neatly boxing him in to a genuine answer and he wasn’t sure what to say. He looked out over the fields below them and watched an eagle catch a draft of wind, gliding on the current. Maybe the truth was best.

“To give you space.”

“Space?”

“You said it yourself, Carly. You have enough to deal with without me hanging around. I know how much the divorce must have hurt you. I know this isn’t how you expected your life to

be. You’re adjusting to a lot. I wanted to give you room to do that. A little yard work—that’s just my way of giving a little helping hand to a friend. No strings.”

It sounded perfectly reasonable when he put it that way, didn’t it? And it was a complete and utter lie. What he knew for sure was that if he’d gone in to see her—again—he’d end up kissing her. Wanting to take her to bed. And probably ruining everything in the process.

A helping hand to a friend. That was exactly what she wanted, right? So why did those words make her feel so empty? He was completely right. She did want space and time and she wasn’t interested in leaping into some romantic affair. Especially not with Gabe. Gabe was too important. With Gabe she stood the risk of losing a friend, not just a lover.

“I didn’t mean you couldn’t stop in. Just that…” she faltered, wondering how to put the conflicting feelings into words that made sense. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to. Like you owe me something. I don’t expect you to look after my yard. I just want you to be my friend. We’ve always been friends. I don’t want that to change.”

“And it won’t. You’re very hung up on this obligation thing, aren’t you?” When she didn’t answer, he went on. “I did it because I wanted to, not because I felt I had to.”

So he’d said. And even in the years when contact between their families had remained minimal, Carly had known that if she’d needed anything, she just had to pick up the phone because that was the kind of man Gabe was. Reliable. Kind.

Smart. Sexy. Capable.

How could she be so determined to kick the idea of romance to the curb when she still wanted Gabe so badly? She sat beside him and felt just like she had when she was sixteen, wanting to slide her hand over close to his and see if he would take it. Feeling a breathlessness every time he looked in her eyes. She could still feel the shape of his mouth against hers when he’d kissed her in the hospital and she wanted him to do it again, only longer this time. Because he wanted to. Not because of any special circumstances or high-intensity moments. Just because he wanted to kiss her.

She sighed, frustrated with herself. Did she have any idea what she wanted? Besides, Gabe had turned away from her twice already. How long before she took the hint?

But he was here now, wasn’t he? And the way he was looking at her…his gaze dropped to her lips…

“We should get going,” she whispered, wanting to kiss him but afraid of looking like a fool again. Afraid of breaking this tenuous balancing act they seemed to be perfecting lately.

She put her purse over her shoulder and tucked the blanket around Nathan, whose lids were drooping drowsily again from the rocking motion of his seat. Without asking, Gabe picked up the carrier and took it to the car, fastening it in the back seat before getting in on the passenger side.

The drive to his house only took minutes, but with the silence hovering between them it felt much longer. She pulled into his driveway, noting the neat shrubs and trimmed grass. The grey Cape-Cod-style home was nestled on a large lot, with a double garage attached to one side and a view of the Basin. He’d built a new front porch, the lumber still fresh and yellow. For a brief second, Carly could picture a playhouse and swing set in the backyard, an abandoned bicycle on the path leading to the front door. Did Gabe want children? He’d never said. She couldn’t even remember him dating over the years. Had he? Or perhaps the gossip hadn’t ever reached her. She should know these things about him, she realized. He wasn’t the only one to blame for letting the gap between them widen.

“Do you want to come in?”

His invitation came as a surprise. Did she? Nathan was truly awake now and beginning to squirm—he was probably hungry. She remembered the last time he’d needed to be fed when Gabe was around and she felt her cheeks flare. “I probably should go home. Nathan will be need to be fed, and…”

She didn’t finish the sentence, and Gabe’s dark gaze was firmly fixed on her face. She sucked in her lower lip, hit with such a wave of longing it nearly stole her breath. Gabe was, she realized, her standard. He always had been. What were they establishing here? A friendship? How could she jeopardize that with romantic notions? Especially now, when she felt the need for a friend so much?

“I should get him home and fed and bathed. Another time, maybe.”