Carly marveled at the novelty of a man cooking for her as well as his easy understanding at having to wait. She followed him upstairs to a wonderful spare room decorated in sage green and tan. It was totally calming as early evening sun warmed the room with muted light. With any luck Nathan would forget his normal hour of fussiness and she could feed him and then enjoy her meal.
“This is perfect,” she said quietly, moving into the room and then turning to see Gabe standing in the doorway. He nearly filled the space with his tall, strong frame and she wet her lips without thinking.
“Just let me know if you need anything,” he answered, and turned to leave.
You, she wanted to say, but couldn’t. Or wouldn’t. Things were different tonight. It couldn’t be just her. A lot of the strain between them was gone, but replaced by a different sort of tension. Had he meant for it to happen this way?
She laid Nathan on the bed and changed his diaper, then made herself comfortable in a soft recliner. Downstairs the quiet clamor of dishes made a homey sort of noise. Tears stung the back of her nose. This was how it was supposed to be. This is what she’d thought she’d have with Jason. She’d been so sure that he’d come around once he realized she was carrying their child. She’d been certain he’d believe her when she said she hadn’t gotten pregnant on purpose. She’d been taking her birth control pills all along.
But what hit her square in the heart right now was that none of it seemed to truly matter anymore. Jason was gone and she was really okay with it. It wasn’t Jason who dominated her thoughts, both awake and asleep. It wasn’t their life she dreamed about. It was Gabe. Being this close—feeling the old feelings again—it was torture. She wanted him so very badly. So badly it was terrifying. She was so afraid of making the wrong move and ruining everything.
She switched Nathan to the other side as gorgeous smells wafted up the stairs. When was the last time a man had cooked her dinner? When had she last felt this breathless anticipation? She rocked the chair gently and closed her eyes. Her stomach did a little tumble as she heard Gabe’s step on the stairs, followed by another, and another, until she knew he had to have reached the top.
When she couldn’t stand it any longer, she opened her eyes and saw him standing just inside the doorway again. This time she didn’t have the time—or inclination—to cover up. Gabe was watching her. She thought perhaps she should be embarrassed, but somehow she wasn’t. Maybe it was the way he stood, relaxed with his weight on one hip. Perhaps it was the hint of a smile she caught just at the corner of his mouth. Or the way his eyes seemed to look like warm molasses as he watched her. She’d made herself comfortable, letting her shirt buttons remain open as Nathan fed from her other side. She didn’t scurry to drape a blanket over her revealed skin. Everything was hidden from view, but it still made her vulnerable. They had to start somewhere, didn’t they?
Once their eyes met he came in and knelt in front of her chair, putting his hand on Nathan’s downy cap of hair. His palm was so wide it cupped the entire curve of Nathan’s head, his fingers only a fraction of an inch away from her skin.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. He’d been looking at Nathan but now he lifted his gaze to Carly, and she fought against the need to reach out and touch his oh-so-serious face. “I don’t mean to invade your privacy. But Carly… I couldn’t seem to stay away any longer.”
Oh dear Lord. He couldn’t seem to stay away? It was like touching a match to paper, hearing those words. “Gabe…”
But he put his finger to her lips. “Shh,” he said. His finger moved away and slid down her jaw. “Is it okay that I’m here? I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
She swallowed. Okay? What was so unsettling was how right it felt and it made warning bells go off inside her head. She’d been right all along. With Gabe it wasn’t just about sex. It was about something so much bigger.
Nathan had dozed off again and Carly felt her cheeks flush as his lips slackened, exposing her fully to Gabe’s gaze. Without a word, Gabe picked up Nathan and carefully placed him on the middle of the bed. Carly rushed to re-clip the nursing bra, fumbling the clasp in her nervousness, and as a result her blouse was still unbuttoned when Gabe returned to kneel before her. He covered her fingers and pulled them down to her lap.
“Nothing seems to faze you,” she whispered. “You always seem so in control. So…sure of yourself.”
“You faze me,” he replied, his voice husky as he knelt before her. “I’ve stayed away because of it. Because I didn’t want to rush things. But today you stepped inside and I knew I couldn’t keep my distance any longer. You make my heart beat faster. You are…” he paused, a tiny crease forming between his eyes as he searched for words, “…you are such a beautiful mother. The way you hold your son, the love in your eyes, the glow on your face. That is so much bigger than me, than anything…”
Their low voices only added to the intimacy in the room. “What are you saying?”
He shook his head. “Maybe I’m not saying anything. Maybe I just want to…”
He let the words go and put his hands on the arms of her chair, leaning in and kissing her.
And oh my, he tasted good, felt good as his body hovered above her, warm and strong. Tentatively Carly lifted her hand and curled it around his neck, holding him there so he couldn’t slip away before she’d had her fill.
At her accepting touch his lips opened wider. She tightened her fingers in the soft hair of his neck and leaned towards him. He had initiated this. He had. There wasn’t anything wrong with enjoying it, was there?
He slid a finger over the curve of her jaw, down her neck, and lightly grazed the cleft between her breasts that the bra didn’t manage to cover. Carly’s breath caught in her throat at the touch that sent something taut and exciting to her core. All he had to do was kiss her and touch her once and she thought she might burst into flames beneath his hands.
Gabe lifted one hand off the arm of the chair and looped it around her waist, pulling her up until she was on her feet and in his arms.
Everything changed. Both times he’d kissed her he’d leaned in, but his hands had been holding him up, keeping her out of his embrace. Not now. Now his hands were utterly free and holding her close, pulling her body flush to his. She could feel the strength in his muscles and the hard planes of his chest and abs. One of his hands cupped the back of her head while the other slid past the waistband of her jeans, pulling her tightly against his body. For the first time in months Carly felt a rush of something exciting…something hot and carnal. It made her tremble, and she felt the difference in Gabe’s arms as she inhaled a shaky breath. He loosened his hold and broke off the kiss.
“God, Carly, I’m sorry.”
She could let his apology take away everything she was feeling or she could stand and make a challenge. She was so tired of trying to put off her feelings. Of pretending they didn’t exist. She couldn’t go on this way, always afraid of taking a risk, always tiptoeing around whatever feelings they had for each other. She lifted her chin and forced herself to meet his gaze head on.
“Why?” she asked. “Because I’m not sorry at all.”
He gave a quick glance at the bed. “He won’t roll off, will he?”
“He’s too little.” Carly’s legs trembled as she took the few steps to the bed. “If I put pillows here, he’ll be fine,” she said, taking two of the shams and putting them in place. She turned back to look at Gabe. “What are we doing, Gabe?”
He swallowed. “Anything you want.”