Into the Fire (First Responders 3)

“Mission accomplished.” He smiled, pleased the words came out clearly when he felt like he might swallow his tongue. “I don’t want to make you late, but I have some news. Want to step outside?”

“Let me get a coat.”

She retrieved a hip-length wool jacket from a closet and followed him outside, shoving her arms in the sleeves. It was dark already and they stood in the circle of the porch light. “I didn’t want to tell you in front of your mom,” he said quietly. “But the official word is that the fire was arson.”

She gasped, her fingers going to her lips. “But who would do something like that?” Her face paled. “They don’t think that I…” She couldn’t even finish the thought, and he put a hand on her arm.

“No, no, of course not. People know you. I know you didn’t do it. And the evidence will show it too. But it has turned into an official investigation, and I would expect you’ll be asked a few questions.”

“We’re a charity, for Pete’s sake.” Her lips thinned. “Accidental was bad enough. But to think someone set that fire, knowing there were people inside. That the animals were there…”

“It’s sick,” he confirmed. “Anyway, it’ll be news tomorrow, but I thought you should know.”

“I’m glad you told me. I’ll help the investigation any way I can.”

“Have you given any more thought to re-opening?”

She shrugged. “I want to. I’m still trying to think of ways to make it work. Not having much success.”

“Don’t give up yet. You’ll find a way.”

/> “You sound awfully sure of that.”

He grinned. “You did it once. You can do it again.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence. But this whole thing has made me see that I need to move forward. I need to support myself, Chris. And here I am going to a career counsellor to see if I can find something I want. It’s like I’m right back to where I started. Like I’ve been standing in place for the last three years. I don’t like what that says about me.”

He put his hands in his pockets. Why was it clear to everyone but her? “You should be doing something with animals. That’s where your heart is. You were always saying how you wanted a cat or a dog. Even if you don’t want to become a vet, you could be a vet tech, or become a groomer, open your own pet store or start a kennel to board pets when their owners are away. I’ve heard some even have a day care so their dogs aren’t home alone. You’d be fantastic at any of those things.”

Her eyes were shining at him and she looked like she might cry. “I don’t know what to say,” she whispered.

He was starting to understand what had prompted her to run when he’d pressed for marriage. She didn’t believe in herself the way he believed in her. She didn’t see her strengths, only her weaknesses. He’d never cared that she’d dropped out of university, because it wasn’t for everyone. But she clearly saw it as a failure. And when she hadn’t known what she wanted, she saw that as a failure too. He’d always been sure, and he’d never before considered that his certainty and confidence might have undermined what little bit she had.

“You keep saying you don’t know what you want or what you’ll be good at, but you already found it. You should do what you love. And if that’s working with animals, do what will make you happy. And screw everything else.”

She laughed, but it was an emotion-filled sound. He smiled back, feeling the connection between them deepen.

“I missed you,” he murmured. “I tried not to. Didn’t really realize how much until this past week.”

“I missed you too,” she admitted. “I used to see you around and be envious. You have it all together, and I’ve barely started figuring it out.”

“You’re not on anyone’s schedule,” he replied.

“But I felt like I was. What you asked the other day…why I gave you back your ring. I felt like I had to be on your schedule and I wasn’t ready.”

That surprised him. “I really pressured you that much?”

“You had us all figured out, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to settle down yet. I felt like…like I still had things to figure out first. I loved you, but once I said yes I panicked every night. I tried to explain but it came out wrong. I just needed you to be patient with me, to hear me.”

“And I was too proud and only heard that you were turning me away.”

She nodded.

“So what about us? What about now?”

Her face was partly in shadow from the porch light. “I really don’t know. We’re still a long way from being anything, aren’t we? And I’m still trying to figure things out.”

“You’re shutting the door on us again?” He frowned. After all that had happened, after the proof that not only were they still sexually compatible, but that they were, more importantly, friends… Did he really want to start over? All the signs were pointing to yes. He hadn’t ever thought he’d put himself in the position to let her hurt him again, but here he was. In it up to his neck.