Tori had thought what she wanted was to go to the ultrasound alone, but as she sat in the waiting room with Jeremy, she was glad she wasn’t alone. And that he was there. He was the baby’s father, after all. It seemed right that they share this moment together.
“Are you nervous?”
She looked over at him. His knee bounced up and down. “I think you’re the nervous one.”
He stopped bouncing his knee and smiled sheepishly. “It feels weird. I never imagined I’d be a father.”
“Really? You never wanted a family?” She appreciated how well he’d accepted the situation, and his promises to be there, but it worried her that he might not have seen this role as part of his future.
“It wasn’t so much wanting or not wanting,” he revealed. “It’s more... I just didn’t have a great example to follow, and believe it or not, dating is hard with my money.”
She gave the obligatory laugh, but then put her hand on his knee. “It must be hard to figure out who’s genuine and who’s after your bank account. I don’t have that problem.” And then she laughed again. And hoped he realized she didn’t care about his money, either.
“Yeah, there’s that. Some women want the status. But I have my own issues. I don’t trust easily. Other people, or my own intuition. When it comes to relationships, anyway.”
“Then this situation must be driving you crazy,” she said, jostling his shoulder. “Because now there’s a baby mama in the mix.”
“You’re being awfully chill about this.”
She shrugged. “I am what I am. I can’t make you believe that I’m genuine, that I don’t want your money or that I’m out for anything. All I can do is tell you my truth. You’re the father. I can and will do this by myself if you bail. I can support me and my child, and I’ll be okay. So there’s no pressure from me on your bank account. Just room for you to be a father.”
She turned sideways in her chair and met his gaze squarely. “My only demand is that if you choose to be involved, you’re consistent and honest. I don’t want our kid always to be wondering if you’re ever coming back or if you care.”
To her surprise, his eyes softened. “I was that kid, Tori. I won’t do that to my own.” He swallowed and his throat bobbed with the effort. “I promise you I will not be that dad.”
“Then we will figure everything else out.”
The door across from them opened. “Victoria? We’re ready for you now.”
They went in together. Jeremy waited to the side while Tori got on the bed with the paper sheet beneath her. The room was warm, thankfully, and in a few moments they’d adjusted her clothing so that her shirt was up and the waistbands of her leggings and underwear were rolled down right to her pubic bone. She looked over at Jeremy and realized his eyes had widened, looking at her belly. He hadn’t seen it before, not like this. She smiled up at him, reassuringly. “You gonna be okay, Dad?” she asked lightly.
He nodded. “Yeah. Yeah.”
“Okay, then,” the technician said. “Let’s get started.” She squirted gel on Tori’s belly, then began, the pressure from the probe firm. Tori couldn’t see the screen, though she wouldn’t know what she was looking at anyway. The tech made clicks here and there, saying that she was taking measurements first. Then she turned the screen around. “Okay, are you ready to see?”
During Tori’s first scan, at only eight weeks, there’d been very little to see. This time, however, was different. The image shifted, but she could make out the head, and the ridge that was the spine, and appendages. “Look at the little toes,” she whispered, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.
She tore her gaze away to look at Jeremy, who was staring at the screen in wonder. “That’s our baby. My kid.” His fingers flexed and unflexed. “I just... I can’t...”
“Do you want to know what you’re having? I can’t tell you today, but the report will go to your doctor.”
Tori looked up at him. “I don’t mind it being a surprise. Gender’s not important to me anyway.” Her only concern was that the baby be healthy. Besides, she didn’t go into all the pink and blue stuff and gender-reveal things. She’d already started decorating her tiny second bedroom with a Beatrix Potter theme, something neutral. Peter Rabbit and Squirrel Nutkin were way too cute.
“If you want it to be a surprise, then that’s fine with me,” he said.
“You’re sure?”
“Whatever you want.” A smile broke out over his face. “Wow. That’s our kid in there.”
It was the genuine smile that did it. He’d moved past the looks of alarm and panic to that of... Well, looking at him right now all she could see was joy. Relief swamped her heart as well as a feeling of...happiness? Was that possible? Their relationship was still something the
y didn’t talk about. Nothing had been decided about how they were going to make this work. But she remembered what her mom had said only a few days earlier. One day at a time. And today she was going to enjoy this lovely moment.
“Do you want to see the heartbeat?” the tech asked.
“Yes.” There was no hesitation from Jeremy and Tori laughed.
She pointed to a spot on the screen where the ba-bump, ba-bump flash flickered in a little heart.