She knew he meant the actual sensation rather than her response, but all she could say was, “Wonderful.”
He didn’t move his hand. But he leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers. Not kissing, just...connecting. Tears stung her eyes. Maybe this was what had drawn her to him in the first place. Connection. She’d had friends, coworkers. Her mom. But not this kind of connection with another human. Not for a very long time, because she’d always backed away, not trusting that she wouldn’t be hurt or duped in the end, as she had been before.
And she’d never had a connection of this depth, because this time they shared a child. His DNA and hers had come together to create a whole other person. It was a huge and sobering thought.
“Jeremy,” she whispered. Her throat swelled with unshed tears.
He leaned back and took his hand from her belly and rested it on her cheek. “I don’t understand,” he whispered back. “You already love this baby so much, and it isn’t even born yet. And I don’t—” His voice broke off, and he cleared his throat. “Damn, I’m not a little kid. I don’t know why this gets to me. I just don’t ever remember feeling this much warmth in my home.”
Her heart broke a little. “Were there never any fun times? Laughter?”
He shrugged. “I suppose there must have been, but I don’t really remember them much. Mom and Dad divorced before I really formed any solid memories. When we were little Mom and Bruce took us to Disney once. And we went to summer camps and that was fun. But I can’t remember a single other family vacation that we took together. Mom and Bruce would take off for a weekend in the city, see a show, dinner, hotel. They definitely traveled while we were in school. But never with us.”
It was impossible to fathom. “But who cared for you?”
His hand slipped away. “We had staff.”
“Shut up! Are you serious?”
She looked so disgusted a smile turned up the corners of his mouth. “It wasn?
??t so bad. Some of the nannies were okay, and I really got along with the gardener who came twice a week.”
He had to have been so lonely...and felt so unloved. Her heart ached for the kind of boy he must have been. “That’s horrible. And I’m amazed you turned out to be a decent human being, which I know you are, because you’ve been nothing but kind and understanding throughout this whole thing.”
“If I am, it’s only because of Merrick. I met my best friends there. Teachers who, for the most part, cared enough to turn us from spoiled, scared brats into actual humans. Not that it always worked, mind you.” He chuckled softly. “As a group we were a rich, entitled bunch.”
“Materially, maybe.”
“I can’t complain, Tori. I have had advantages that most people only dream of.”
She was glad he realized it, but deep down she knew all the money in the world couldn’t buy real affection and love. She thought of all the summers she’d gone camping with her parents to any of the provincial parks. They’d always allowed her to take a friend. There’d been swimming and playgrounds and campfires with roasted marshmallows that scalded the roof of her mouth. Christmases watching movies and drinking hot chocolate. They hadn’t had a lot of money but they’d gone on a walk every Thanksgiving Day since she was a little girl, enjoying the fall weather and colors. There had been story time at night before bed, and when she was sick, her dad carrying her to her room and tucking her into bed. There hadn’t always been a lot of money, but she wouldn’t trade a single moment of it.
Jeremy didn’t know anything about any of those things. Not through any fault of his own, but she wondered how he was going to handle a different kind of parenthood.
It worried her, but she wasn’t about to deny him the opportunity to try.
She squeezed his fingers in hers. “It’s gonna be okay. I’ll help you. I had a great dad.” Grief at his loss welled up, but gratitude, too, that he’d been a wonderful father. “I’ll share him with you, tell you all about him and the stuff he used to do with me. You don’t have to wait for the baby to be born to be a good father, Jeremy. You’re doing it already.”
His gaze snapped up to hers. “How come you are so great? Why aren’t you scared? Freaking out about what’s to come?”
“You think I’m not scared? Of course I am. But deep down I believe everything is going to be okay. It has to be.”
Faith. It seemed she had some after all.
He squeezed her fingers back. “Okay. I’m going to trust you. At least for now.” Clearing his throat, he gave her fingers a final squeeze and then sat up straight. “What do you say we clean up these dishes and then watch a movie or something?”
“That sounds amazing.”
The sky was dark but lit by the millions of city lights. After they loaded the dishwasher, Jeremy put down the blinds over the windows while Tori sank into the couch. It wasn’t just for looks; the cushions were super comfortable and Jeremy came back with a soft throw blanket from a closet somewhere. “Okay, so regular movie or Christmas movie?”
She was in Manhattan in December. “Christmas, and Miracle on 34th Street.”
He laughed. “When in Rome... So, original or remake?” He handed her the blanket and reached for his phone. She shook her head. He could control everything from that thing.
“I know I should say the original...but the remake. Because Richard Attenborough is Santa Claus.”
“Yes, but Natalie Wood...”