“Fuck me, Levi.” The words roll off my tongue with ease as Levi enters me. I arch my back, laying on the hood. Levi pushes harder into me and I can’t believe the sensations racing through my body. I dig my nails into his arms and I’m sure I will draw blood, even through his several layers of clothes.
“Harder, Levi.” I need more of him and I can’t help the words coming out of my mouth. I am saying his name over and over again until I release on him. At the same time, Levi comes with me.
After we regain our senses, I put my feet back on the ground, and pull up my cold jeans that were on the ground. Levi reaches into the back of the SUV and grabs a towel from his gym bag. After he cleans himself and straightens his clothes, he comes back to me.
He stares at me for a moment and I’m not sure if he is mad or happy. Before I can ask, he gives me the warmest and sweetest kisses.
“Do you know what you do to me?” His question is so quiet that I almost don’t hear him.
“I hope good things?” I question.
Levi doesn’t answer me, he just stares and gives me a tight smile.
Chapter Thirteen
Levi
The phrase “mind blown” doesn’t even begin to cover how I feel right now. Presley conned me into spending the night. Well, she didn’t really talk me into it. She asked, and I said yes. I wanted one last perfect night for a bit. While her warm body is curled around me, she’s off in dreamland, and I’m here stuck in the harsh reality I created for myself. What Presley did tonight, demanding that I fuck her on the hood of my car, I still can’t believe it.
When I asked her if she knew what she does to me, the depth of what I was asking went right over her head. Presley has no clue whatsoever. How can she when I’m barely grasping the concept myself? My heart feels so heavy and conflicted. For the time being, I need to rid myself of these thoughts and get some sleep.
Right then, Presley stirs. She rolls over and
hugs my arm between her breasts, using it as a pillow causing my hand to rest between her thighs since she’s laying in fetal position. I turn as well and hug her to me. Forcing my eyes to close, I focus on the feel of her torso against me as she breathes.
I sleep for maybe an hour when I awake again, those nagging thoughts bombarding me first thing. Knowing that I can ease out of bed without waking her, I do so. I dress quietly before grabbing my phone off her nightstand. Leaning down, I place a sweet kiss on her temple and leave her apartment. Presley probably won’t be happy when she wakes up and discovers my absence, but I can’t stay a minute longer.
Between hockey and school over the next week, I see Presley once. She comes to one of my games, and I take her out for a milkshake afterwards. When she asks me to spend the night, “because I haven’t seen you all week,” she says, it kills me to tell her no. I did have schoolwork and a test to study for, so my excuse was valid. My mind has been in shambles, and I’ve come to a realization.
I’m a bastard.
A sick, sick bastard.
If I thought I disappointed my mom before and if she’s watching over me now, I’ve surpassed disappointment and have taken a shameful path instead. Why did I even think it would be okay to do this to someone to begin with? Yeah, I still hate McCarthy, but I shouldn’t have dragged Presley into this. Simply talking to her now brings on the guilt of how I tricked her into trusting me, so I could use her. For once, I’m actually thankful for having so much homework to do because it gives me a reason to avoid seeing her. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy every simple second with Presley, but the regretful crash of how I got to spend those moments with her is overwhelming.
I can’t be too standoffish though. I don’t want her questioning it beyond how it’s just a busy time right now. And it is, thank goodness. I’m dreading when things do calm down, though. How can I look her in the eyes, see that beautiful smile of hers that’s there just for me it seems, and know how much of an ass I am? I definitely have nothing to be proud of, and I can almost hear Momma scolding me for being an idiot and thoughtless person to do such a thing.
The bitter air whips in the wind around me. For the first time since I left for college, I’m sitting on the concrete bench in front of my mother’s grave. The sting of the gust makes me wonder if that’s Mom’s way of slapping me from the other side. I smile slightly at the thought. I can practically hear her now and the things she would say to me if she were here.
“It’s about time that you grew a conscience, Levi. About time you startedcaring about something other than hockey and yourself. You need to let go, son.”
The powerful wind tunes down to a breeze as if matching my inner conversation from my mother.
“Levi, baby, let it go. Leave it behind and go be happy.”
My throat burns and I stand, not wanting to be here any longer. There’s too much sadness and guilt clogging my airways, and I need to get away from this place. I lay the lone pink zinnia before her headstone and leave to return to campus. Tomorrow, I’ll finally make the trip to see my father and maybe, just maybe, I’ll bring Presley along. I have yet decided what needs to be done to make my bad deeds right, so for now, I’ll let things return to normal.
~ ~ ~
It’s around noon on Saturday and I decide I want Presley to come with me. I can’t help but wonder what Dad will think of her. Anyway, having her there will allow me a reason to leave early, if I want, and I can take her skating on the pond where my dad fishes all the time. It’s on the land where my dad hunts too. The water should be good and frozen by now. I speed dial her.
“Hey stranger,” she answers. I can hear the smile grinning on her lips.
“What’s up, Smarty? Any plans this afternoon?”
“Maybe. What did you have in mind?”
“Would you like to ride with me to see my old man? I need to check up on him and I could show you around while we’re there.”