Looking for You (Oh Captain, My Captain 1)

“Hey, hey, it’s my fault. I forgot my manners.” He smiles

. He cups my face, and then kisses my forehead. “Why don’t you get some sleep?”

I nod, stand up, and head to my bedroom. When I shut my door, I lay my head on it. I’m such a fool. I’m an adult. A reasonable adult. On the other side of this door is a guy, who likes me, who respects me, and whom I trust.

I stand there for a minute thinking about what just happened between us. Before I can lose my nerve, I open the door, and go back into the living room. I see Hudson on the couch, without his shirt on. My breath catches when I see his chiseled abs and rock hard chest.

“Hudson,” I say quietly.

He opens his eyes and looks at me. “Are you okay?”

I confidently walk over to him and hold out my hand. He sits up. I softly pull his arm, making him stand up. That’s when I realize that he’s in his boxers. His body is amazing.

“I’m…I’m not ready for sex, and I know you know that. But this couch is horrible. So, you can come sleep with me. In my bed, I mean.”

“Ellie?”

“Don’t forget your manners.” I turn, and we head to my bedroom.

Chapter Eleven

Hudson

It’s so quiet in Ellie’s bedroom that the only noise we hear is each other’s shallow breathing. Part of me feels like a letdown teenager, and the other part feels terrible for that and most importantly, for almost going further when Ellie isn’t comfortable with that. It’s so frustrating, but then again, that’s just a sex-starved Hudson’s way of thinking. It doesn’t matter if she’s going to drive me to my death with this, because I honestly don’t mind.

“Hudson?” Ellie whispers, dragging me away from my thoughts. We’re both laying on our backs, so I just turn my head as she does the same. “I meant to ask about the nickname your sister calls you by. Hudsy.” There’s a soft glow in the room seeping through the curtains because of the brightness of the moon, which allows me to see her smile.

“Ugh. I was hoping you wouldn’t notice that.”

Ellie turns on her side fully and giggles. “It’s so cute.”

“Not when Whit does it. The only one who calls me that and means it in an endearing way is my mother. Whit did it tonight to annoy me. If I tell you how I got it, do you promise not to laugh?” I lay on my side to face her, so I can give her my most serious facial expression.

“Promise.”

Slowly, I take a long inhale as if what I’m about to tell her is extremely serious and not a laughing matter. “When I was young, my mother would run bubble baths for me. I loved taking them. Whenever I did though, I would have bubbles, or suds, all over the place and she would say, ‘You’ve made the entire bathroom sudsy.’ Somehow, I thought she said Hudsy and I kept saying it over and over again. Hudsy, Hudsy, Hudsy. Ever since, my mother has called me Hudsy and my siblings use it to pick on me.”

Ellie bites her lip, trying to contain herself, but she busts out laughing anyway. “That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life.” Her smile disappears until it’s only a faint reminder. “Sorry for laughing.”

“I’ll give you a pass this time.” I lean towards her, kiss her cheek, and add, “Goodnight, Ellie.”

“Night, Hudson.” She rolls away from me and after a moment, I close my eyes.

~

When I wake up in the morning to see Ellie’s sweet, peaceful, sleeping face, I think about last night when a fan almost exposed me on the spot as well as how much I enjoy hanging out with Ellie, I almost wake her up to tell her right then my secret. But I can’t right now. I could say that it’s because my life, the traveling, the people, the game itself, would overwhelm Ellie, and I don’t want to do that. I could say that I can’t tell her because she said herself that she doesn’t like the dynamics of professional sports.

Honestly, I can’t tell her because I don’t want to lose what we have right now. I’m being completely selfish, but I have a feeling if I tell Ellie about what I really do, the simpleness between us will disintegrate into nothingness. She doesn’t even know that her not knowing has given me the chance at a normal relationship. There are no outrageous expectations on me that are tied in with hockey. I have to tell her eventually though. I’ll wait until the perfect moment comes along.

I ease out of bed, look at the disheveled girl sleeping, and then quietly leave the room. I don’t have time to stay for a bit this morning. After I’ve put my clothes on and leave a note by the coffee pot, I head back to Portland. Whitney doesn’t have class until later today, so I call her on the drive to get the verdict.

“Hey, Hudson,” she answers.

“Well?” That’s all I say. I’m still a little pissed at her for bringing up sports, especially after I made it clear that I didn’t want her to do that.

“I like her. She convinced me that she’s clueless about your world. She’s very sweet, but doesn’t seem outgoing or anything.” Whitney seems like she disapproves of Ellie, even though she likes her.

“She’s a shy person,” I defend.