Looking for You (Oh Captain, My Captain 1)

“Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde were the same person.” She kisses my cheek, throws money on the table, and races out the door.

I sit there for a moment thinking about everything that Lacey said. I can’t believe that Hudson would be married. However, Lacey makes a valid point. I put some money on the table and head out the door. I have several clients to follow-up with today, so I spend most of the afternoon in my car traveling.

I start thinking more and more about Hudson and the possibility of him being married. I don’t want it to be true. I can’t even imagine that it is. Every thought keeps running through my head about this situation. It’s starting to consume me, and I decide that I need to talk to him. On my last stop of the day, I sit in the doctor’s parking lot and call him.

“Hey beautiful, what ya calling for?” His voice sounds surprised. I can hear a lot of noise around him.

“Are you at work?”

“Nope, just out with some friends. What’s up?”

I don’t know how to bring this up. Do I say it on the phone? He’s with his friends and probably doesn’t want to say anything. This might be better in person.

“Um, I was just wondering if you were still coming for dinner tonight?”

“Yep, I’m leaving in just a few. Why?”

“Well, I’m not too far from Portland. I could come to your place?” I don’t know why I said it. Maybe to hear his reaction?

“That’s not going to work for me. I’ll just see you at your place. Okay?”

Oh my God, he is married. I lay my head on my steering wheel on the verge of banging my head. I’m so stupid. I’ve been seeing this guy for almost two months, and I didn’t even realize that he’s married.

“Ellie? Are you still there?”

“What?” I come back to the conversation.

“I said I’ll see you in about an hour, okay?”

“Okay.” I hang up quickly, before anything else can be said. I pull out of the parking lot and head home. The tears are on the brim of my eyes, ready to fall.

The moment I get in my house, I head straight for the wine bottle. I need to calm myself before I confront Hudson. I go and sit on my back porch, gulping my wine. Looking out my back porch and hearing the sounds of nature is what I need to relax. However, the longer I sit there, the more upset I become. I don’t feel like Hudson is married, but the signs are there. I just can’t believe it though. He doesn’t seem like the type. What if I confront him and he just leaves?

“Ellie!” I hear Hudson call from the kitchen. I stand up and head his way. “You enjoying the nice evening?” He smiles at me.

“Hudson,” I shift uncomfortably, “we need to talk about something very important that I think you’re hiding from me.”

Shock washes over his face. I can see his eyes widen. My heart races as I open my mouth, “Why haven’t I been to your apartment yet?”

He looks confused for a moment. “It’s basically just a bachelor pad, not that great, and I thought you would be more comfortable here at your place. It’s more homey here anyway.”

“Then why is it that we never go out to dinner? The one time it happened was in Seattle and we were with your sister.”

“We just never plan to. Ellie, if you want me to take you out, I can. There are plenty of places to go between here and Seattle.” He gives me a small smile.

“Why not Portland? Why can’t we go to Portland?” I push.

“We’re closer to Seattle. It makes more sense to go there, doesn’t it?”

“I guess, but it seems like you’re hiding something, and I think I’ve figured it out. With all this ‘traveling’ and us never going out. I know the truth.”

“Ellie, we can go out more if you want and my traveling is for work because, well, I am-”

“You’re married,” I cut him off. My heart is racing thinking about him being married and using me.

“Married?” Shock and confusion comes over his face. “What? No. Ellie, I’m not married. I-”

“You travel all the time, it’s hard to get a hold of you sometimes, you never take me out, it all adds up.” I cross my arms, trying to protect myself from the fact of this revelation.