Their New Beginning (Oh Captain, My Captain 5)

“Are you alright?” Avery repeats, more concerned this time.

“Yeah, just cheery.” I close my eyes as I carefully sit up. When I open them again, I glance down at my slinged arm and everything comes back to me all at once. Before I speak, I use my left hand to run through my hair and then I turn to Avery. “What in the hell, Avery?”

“Do you remember an

ything from last night?”

“Not really, but that’s not what I’m talking about.” I stand up and walk over to my dresser. I pick up the papers, crinkling them within my grip. “This. What the hell is this?”

“Jax, you need to rest. Let’s talk about that later.” She gets up and comes toward me.

“No.” I wave the papers around. “Let’s talk about it. Tell me what you were thinking when you did this.”

“I was thinking how I ruined your life and our marriage. You didn’t see your face when you were yelling at me, Jax. I can’t do this to you or me.” Avery shakes her head. “I just want the car, so I’ll be able to find a job. Please, Jax, this is for both of us.”

“No. No, no, no.” I grip the papers tighter and they wrinkle even more. “You can’t just decide for us both, Avery, and you are crazy if you think I would even consider this, especially like it’s written right now. If this is what you wanted, you should have told me. Not let me find out by getting served in the middle of practice.”

She gasps with surprise. “They served you at the rink? Oh, Jax, I thought they would do it here at the house. I’m sorry; I didn’t know that would happen.” She pauses. “But, you know this is the best for the both of us. The other night was...horrible for you and me. I never want to see you look at me like that again or say those things to me. I know I deserved to hear it though. This is what’s best.”

“It was horrible because of him.” I shake my head at the memory of the smug bastard. “How is this best? How is you not taking what’s yours best? You quit your job, Avery. It doesn’t make sense for you to reject your half of our money.” That’s one of the most confusing parts.

“Jax, I didn’t marry you because of the money or your stuff. This is all yours. The only reason I asked for the car is so I could find a job and have a way back and forth. Other than that, I wouldn’t have asked for it. I’m doing this for us because I’m tired of crying, fighting, and failing you at every turn. I fucked up. I fucked up everything.”

“Avery,” I step closer to her and speak clearly and calmly. “Listen to me. I know you didn’t marry me for that, but it’s still yours! I shouldn’t have said all that stuff to you because I wasn’t mad at you. I’m tired of fighting, too, Avery. I’m tired of being angry, but this,” I wave the papers back and forth, “no way in hell.”

“Are you still high? What the hell, Jax? We’ve done nothing but fight for the majority of the last six weeks. You don’t trust me. You can’t even kiss me without being scared of me. You’ve hugged me a total of three times. Does that sound like a marriage that’s going to make it? You may say it over and over again, but I think it’s because you’re trying to make yourself believe it. This isn’t working, and it’s unhealthy for us both.”

“Then why are you here, Avery?” I erupt, but quickly lower my voice. “If you want this divorce so damn bad, then why are you still here? You could have left after you brought me home. I would have been fine, but you’re still here and it’s for the same reason I’m not divorcing you. I couldn’t think straight yesterday after these were served, Avery. I’d already decided to call you after practice and apologize for what I said. I was planning to bring your ass back here. I felt bad for what I said because I wasn’t mad at you. Then, I get these damn papers and I read that you only want the car.

“I kept wondering how you were going to support yourself if we did this. I would give you everything, whether you wanted it or not, just to know that you would be taken care of. Then I wanted to know why you would do this because I’m not giving up. Not now, not ever. During the game, I was keeping track of how many minutes were left before I was done, so I could go talk to you. I got injured because I wasn’t paying attention and couldn’t stop thinking about you and what I was going to do to fix this.

“You came for me, Avery. You came, you took me home, and you stayed. You didn’t leave. You don’t want a divorce any more than I do because you still love me and I still love you. So, no, I’m not signing any damn divorce papers.”

“Oh my God, what kind of pills did they give you? Are you hearing what you’re saying?” she questions me incredulously. “I gave some random guy something only you should ever have, and you still want to be with me?” Avery takes a deep breath. “Jax, I think you need to lay down and rest. I’ll go fix you something to eat.” She goes to leave but turns around. “And if you love me so much, why didn’t I hear from you from you? Not even a reply back to let me know you were okay.”

“I told you; I’m tired of being angry and I wanted to let go of that first. I felt guilty for what I said and that you were staying somewhere else. I’m sorry for not replying. I’ve fucked up as much as you have, but I’m not giving up,” I state firmly.

“Jax, I’m going to make you something to eat. You can’t take the pain pills on an empty stomach. Rest. I’ll bring it up here to you.”

“Damn it, Avery. No!” Why won’t she just listen to me? “I don’t care about eating or taking pain pills. You aren’t going anywhere until we settle this. I’m not going to do anything else until we settle this. You’re my wife, Avery, and I love you. Stop making this about something else. You only wanted to get married once, so stay married and let’s fix this. I want to fix this more than anything else. You’re my wife,” I finish, hoping that’s going to change her mind.

She stares at me for a second. “How about a compromise? Let me go make you something to eat, and then you can take your pills and rest. I understand what you’re saying and we will talk about it, but Jax, you were hurt last night and the only way you’re going to get back on the ice is with rest and without stress. So, us yelling and going back and forth isn’t helping your recovery time. If you love me like you say you do then let me get you well. Okay?”

I want to say no, but I don’t. Maybe if I agree to what she wants, she’ll listen to me later. “Fine, I’ll compromise.”

Chapter Sixteen

Avery

I stir the soup and try to process everything that has happened in the past twenty-four hours. I almost had a heart attack when the trainer called me to say Jax was hurt. I was so shaken up that Regina had to drive. I didn’t know what had happened.

I had begun to accept that I was getting a divorce and was going to be alone. Jax has to be under the influence of the pain meds. I know he is upset about the divorce, but this is what we need.

I put the soup in the bowl and grab the pain pills along with a bottle of water. I set it all on the tray and carry it upstairs. Jax is sitting up in the bed and I place the tray down on his lap.

“Take these. Eat the soup. Rest.”

“When will we talk?”