“Hadley, no!” he yells, jumps up, and walks to the other side of the room. “I told you that if you wanted kids at some point, then we needed to end it because I didn’t want them. Not then, and definitely not now. You shouldn’t have assumed I’d changed my mind after I told you I wouldn’t.”
“Don’t act like I did this on purpose. I know your feelings, but it happened and now we both need to be adults and raise our child together.”
“I know you didn’t do it on purpose.” Luca takes a deep breath and looks right into my eyes. “I’m not changing my mind. I don’t want it. You can get rid of it and I’ll have that procedure done to make sure it doesn’t ever happen again.”
I stumble a step back. He didn’t say that. I didn’t hear him correctly.
“Get...get rid of it? Luca, you’re asking me to have an abortion?” I shake my head. That isn’t an option. “I’m not doing that, Luca. We’re going to have a baby. Us. Together. This is our baby.”
“Stop saying that!” The rage is present on his face now. He's pacing the room and he’s mumbling in Russian. “If you don’t want to do it, fine. But I’m not going to have any part of it. It’s it,” he points at my stomach, “or me. Not both. It was supposed to be you and me forever. That’s it. No one else.”
“Luca.” My mouth drops. I can’t believe this. “Are you serious? Are you really going to do this to me? To us?”
Luca’s eyes soften for a quick second, but the hardness comes back and he nods. “I’ve been clear all along; I can’t do it. I don’t want do it, Hadley.”
The tears rush down my face. I can’t stop them. “Luca, you would throw away everything? You don’t want us? How can you do this? You’re going to be a father. We’re supposed to get married.” My heart is breaking. I knew he would be mad. I knew he didn’t want this, but these words, his expressions, are like knives stabbing my soul.
“Of course, I want us, but that’s all I want. You. I don’t want a baby. If you do, then okay. That’s your choice, but it’s not one I want to have anything to do with. This isn’t a surprise. So, yeah, I would walk away from us because I can’t do it.”
I have been with him for ten years. Luca is my soulmate. He’s the love of my life.
However, we made this innocent baby in love. The love that held me up while I watched my mother die. The love that made me laugh when I felt sad. The love that made me whole.
I need Luca. I do. I want him by my side every step of the way. But I can’t force him. I can’t tie him up and make him love our baby. I can’t make him do anything.
I’m going to be a mom. I need to be strong for my child. Our child. My mother raised me on her own. It’s going to be hard, but I can do anything, and I will for the life that grows in me.
“Luca, I have loved you since the moment I met you. You are my everything, but I won’t get rid of our baby. I can’t. I want this baby. So, you need to go ahead and leave.”
Chapter Six
Luca
Music blasts through my earbuds as I try to focus on everything but what happened with Hadley. We’re in the air, flying out to Portland for the next two games. My mind isn’t on hockey, though. I thought we were on the same page. One reason why I’ve thought Hadley was perfect for me was because she’s always agreed that we didn’t need kids. She knows why, too.
As bad as it hurts to give her up, I don’t have any other choice. I can’t go there. I can’t be a father. It would be a disaster waiting to happen. I don’t want that life. If that’s what Hadley wants, then she can have it. She deserves to have children if she wants them. I know she’ll be a good mom. The most I can do for her is provide financial support. Nothing more than that.
This is going to suck. I could’ve had a lifetime of happiness with her and now, I’m left with only ten happy years to get me through the rest of my life. This is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and it’s going to hurt like hell.
At least I can lose myself in hockey.
~ ~ ~
I move my foot forward, trying to kick the puck away from a Viking as we battle behind the net along the boards. Another guy comes in, shoves me good and hard, hard enough that his teammate is able to release the puck and shoot it down the ice. Damn it. I haul ass after them, but play comes to a stop as Darryl gets into a fight. I didn’t see what happened, but he’s pissed.
He’s off to the sin bin and the Vikings score twice within the next five minutes. They take full advantage of the momentum. Their hits are hard, a few guaranteeing that I’ll be sore tomorrow. Hell, I’m already sore. Somehow, after the second intermission, my mind clears completely. This is my game and I need to play it.
We get in sync again. Every time they push, we push back harder. The puck makes a loud smack when I shoot it across the ice diagonally to James. The blades of our skates slice into the ice as we pump our legs to put ourselves in position. James rears his stick up and pulls it back with such force that the puck glides like a beauty toward the goalie, who misses catching it.
Fuck yeah! I throw my arms around James as if he just won me a million dollars by tying the game. After changing lines with a minute left, I’m sitting on the bench as I watch Darryl crash the net and score.
The only thing that would make the win sweeter is to hear Hadley’s voice. It’s odd to be away from home and not text or call her. It takes all my strength to refrain from doing either of those things while I’m in Portland.
~ ~ ~
Once we land and exit the plane, I finally text Hadley.
Me: Just landed. I’ll be quick and just get my clothes.