The tear falls as I read his text. I don’t how I can make him see what an amazing person that he is and what a great father he will be.
I put away the items and go into my office. I open the small closet and look for the box on the top shelf. It’s a shoebox that use to hold my first pair of Prada’s that Luca bought me. I sit on the floor and open it.
Ten years of Luca and me is in this box. Old ticket stubs, pictures, pucks, dried flowers, all represent our love and commitment to each other. Each item I pick up tells a different story, but all of them have the same ending: Luca. I drop my head in my hands and cry.
What am I going to do?
Am I strong enough?
Can I do this on my own?
I want this baby. I want Luca. I can’t sacrifice one for the other. I can’t because I’m too selfish. I’ll never love anyone but Luca. He’s my soulmate. I’m going to have his baby. It’s part of us.
I pick up a puck. It’s the first, of many, that he’s given me. It was from his first hat trick in the NHL. We were living in Indiana when Luca was with the Mustangs. He was only a rookie when it happened, but I remember the smile on his face when he handed it to me at the end of the game.
I was so proud of him.
I’m still proud of all his accomplishments in the hockey league. He pushed, clawed, and fought for his position with the Bucks. He deserved it. I would never take it away from him.
I’m not happy with the way things are right now. I hate that he isn’t here with me. I know I told him to leave. I know that it was my decision, but I would rather have him home.
How do I get him home?
How do I make him realize that he’d be a great father?
I put all the items back in the box and I put it away. I flip my computer on and stare at the wallpaper. It’s Luca and me this past year in Ireland. We’ve been there several times; it’s one of our favorite spots. The background is breathtaking. Luca is giving one of his rare smiles and I’m kissing his cheek. We were so happy. We were so in love. I wish I could show him this picture to remind him how happy we can be.
Show him?
Show him!
He’s showing me that he still cares by sending gifts...well...food to me. I need to show him that this baby is coming. I want him to part of this baby's life and he’s going to be no matter what he thinks.
~ ~ ~
“Mama, please, I know that you want to come back, but you don’t have to right now. I’m fine. I’m not working very hard and soon I’ll be off until my new job starts.” I roll my eyes at my phone. Mama has been calling me at least four times a day to make sure that I’m eating and resting. As much as I love her, she’s annoying the piss out of me.
“Hadley, don’t over do it. I mean that. I’ll hop on the first plane–”
“Mama. I know you will and it means so much to me that you want to be here with me, but I promise I’m fine right now.”
Mama sighs. “Okay, but call me when you get home. Make sure you have your pepper spray with you. Some man might try to kidnap you. There are crazy people out late at night.”
I look at my watch. It’s eleven in the morning. The sun is shining bright. I don’t argue. “I promise to be home before dark and I’ll lock all my doors.”
“Okay. Papa and I love you.”
“I love you both.” I hang up before she can start barking orders at me again.
None of us have discussed Luca since that night they came home with me. I spent the rest of that night crying in Mama’s arms. She never said anything, but held me and stroked my hair. That woman is a saint; I swear it.
“Game six is tonight.” Amy pops her head into my office. “Any special highlights if the Bucks win?”
I shake my head. I had to tell Amy about the baby and I did reveal what happened with Luca and I. Technically, Amy is really the only friend that I have. I know all the hockey wives/girlfriends, but none of us are that close. I never had a lot of friends because I was always focused on school and then on my career.
All I ever needed was Luca.
“If they win, they’ll move on, so at least have all the goal highlights and try to get some board hits. They seem to get the biggest reaction from fans.” I put more items in a box. Amy and I have been packing our offices the past week. I only have a few more days. My replacement will be here soon and I’m thankful to start my new job with THN.