“It’s not fine!” he yells at me. “I’ve been worried regardless. This is something you should tell me no matter what. Are you not going to tell me when you go into labor because you don’t want me to worry? Damn it, Hadley!” He jumps from his seat and stares me down.
“Now, who’s being silly?” Who the hell does he think he is yelling at me like that? “You damn well know I’ll tell you when I go into labor. I thought it was Valeria moving around a lot. If you didn’t notice, this is the first time I’ve been pregnant, so I didn’t know what the fuck the pains were. The doctor said not to worry, so I’m not. Stop yelling at me!” I raise my voice at him.
“You should have told me.” He shakes his head. “God, ten weeks?” And there’s the panic in his eyes as the color drains from his face.
“See why I didn’t tell you about the pains? Your face says it all. You’re already on the verge of jumping off the cliff away from fatherhood.” I can hear how mean my tone is, but I don’t back down. I’m tired of this. He wants to run then he needs to tell me now.
“I’m not going anywhere. Maybe I wouldn’t have this look on my face if you would tell me what the hell is going on when it happens. Waiting only makes it worse.”
“I didn’t tell you because you haven’t had a nightmare in over a month. God forbid if I should look out for your well-being. Maybe if you would talk to me instead of being a stubborn Russian ass, we wouldn’t have these shouting matches.” The rage in my voice echoes off the walls.
“I haven’t talked to you because I have nothing to say. I’m here and I’m going to be here.”
“You better be because I don’t want our daughter to have a part-time daddy that only wants to be around when he feels like it. There’s still a lot to talk about between now and when she comes, but you never want to talk.” I throw my hands up in the air. There I said it. I want him all in with Little Valeria. I want him here with me every step of the way.
“What is there to talk about? Everything else will get handled one way or another. There’s nothing ‘part-time’ about this. Either I’m here or I’m not, and I’ve already told you which one I am. I wouldn’t do that to her.”
There it is. The rage has now made its appearance. “How do I know for sure? How do I know that when I wake up from my C-Section, your ass hasn’t taken off? I don’t, Luca, because you’re still scared and that scares me. Can’t you see that?” The tears begin to build behind my eyes as I tell him my biggest fear.
“I’m always going to be scared, Hadley, but if I wasn’t willing to fight, like I have every single day since I came back, then I would have left already. I wouldn’t leave you at a time like that either. Can’t you see I’m obviously not going anywhere? I’ve never lied to you before and I’m not going to start now.”
“Fine. Great. Thanks for all your insight, but I’ll just have to wait and see because I’m still worried. Now, I have work to do and I know you need to get packed to leave again in the morning.” I wipe the tears harshly from my cheeks and leave the room without looking back at him.
~ ~ ~
Luca is gone when I wake up. I either didn’t set my alarm or shut it off in my sleep because I'm late to work. Thankfully, I have no meetings and really don’t miss anything.
All day long, I replay our fight in my head. I get mad because he’s stubborn; well what the hell am I? He’s never lied to me, and he is trying, but my fear is still there. I can’t handle giving birth to our daughter and him running away. I can’t do it. There’s no way.
Luca: Landed in Indiana.
I stare at my phone from his text. He might still be mad at me, but he understands me enough that I’d worry if I didn’t hear from him. Just like he does to me.
Amy buys me lunch, but these damn pains are so bad, I can’t even think about eating. I keep taking deep breaths and rubbing my belly, but there’s no relief. Fuck, if this is a small preview of child labor, I’m glad that I’m having a C-section because I sure as hell couldn’t make through anything natural.
“Hadley, you look as pale. What’s wrong?”
“Fucking Braxton Hicks,” I growl.
Amy tilts her head. “Should I know him?”
“It’s not a him. It’s a pain.” I take a deeper breath.
“Are you in labor?” Now, she pales.
“No, it’s fake labor.” I think.
“Anything I can do?”
“Could you grab me a glass of water?”
She nods and I stand up from my desk chair and walk around the room. The pains are serious now and I feel a sudden gush between my legs. I stop and look down and see a stream of thick, red blood stream down my leg right before I pass out.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Luca
This morning, Andre called, needing a ride because his car wasn’t cranking and he rather not hassle his wife with taking him because she’d have to shuffle the twins into the car and she was already ill with him. When I arrive, he isn’t quite ready. I find myself in the living room with the twins.