You and Me Forever (Oh Captain, My Captain 6)

“Well, you care for her, you love her, you protect her, and you stand back to let her navigate her way through the world. That’s basically the same thing you’ll do for your child.”

“It’s completely different,” I argue, but Andre is shaking his head.

“Not really, Luca.” He thinks about it for a second. “Look, it’s like being a captain.”

He’s already lost me. “How?”

“Everything you need to be a captain, you’ll need to be a dad. You’re a mentor, you lead, you take charge when you need to, and you’re there for your fans and us. We get on your nerves sometimes and we look up to you. The only difference is you won’t change our diapers and you don’t come home to us running around and screaming. It’s different, but the principles are the same. Make sense?”

“Oddly enough, yeah. Thanks.” And it does. I actually feel a little better about things. Not a lot, but some.

“So what are you going to be?” Andre asks.

“Huh?”

“When she starts talking, what is she going to call you? What are you going to name her? I don’t think you’ve said.”

“Oh. Her name will be Valeria.” I pause to take a deep breath before I answer his other question. “I don’t know what she’ll call me. I call my father ‘papa’. I don’t think I’d want to be called ‘daddy’.” I shake my head at the thought and frown. “There’s still plenty of time.”

“It’ll be here before you know it.”

The entire morning has been running through my head. It still bothers me that I can’t say Valeria without needing a moment to recollect myself. It’s not going to do me any good if I can’t say my daughter’s name.

Before practice, I decide to call Papa. Maybe he can help me. He doesn’t take long to answer.

“Hey, Papa. How are you? Are you busy?”

“I’m fine. I’m sitting here reading a book. Where are you?”

“I’m in Indiana. We’ve got a game here tonight. I wanted to talk to you.”

“Is Hadley okay? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?” He sounds a little panicked.

“Everyone is fine. I didn’t mean to worry you. I just...Hadley and I were fighting because she knows I’m still pretty panicked about the whole thing. I don’t know. I thought you could help.”

“Luca, tell me what you’re feeling. I told you how scared I was, but I have a feeling there is something you’r

e not saying.”

I’m quiet for a moment before I can gather the courage to tell him. “I know you said not to put this on her, and I’m not, but I can’t help but think about it more, especially since she’s going to have her name. It still hurts to even say it out loud.”

“Oh, son.” He sounds so sad and it breaks my heart. “It still hurts me, too. But do you really think that if Valeria was alive, she wouldn’t be thrilled to have her niece carry her name? I know that she would.”

“She would be excited,” I agree.

“You’re right. She would be. Luca, maybe I didn’t say this enough, but let me say it again. Your mama and I don’t blame you for Valeria. Not one single moment since that tragic accident happened did I think it was because of you. I know you did everything to save her. I know you would have switched places with her if it meant she would live. I’m proud of you, Luca. I’m proud of the seven years I had with Valeria. I can’t wait for my time with Little Valeria. You are going to make an amazing father. I know it.”

His words sink in, and I’m so glad I called him. “Thanks, Papa. I should go. I’ll call you soon.”

“We’ll be there in about two weeks. Your mama is already packed and I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to drag her away once Little Valeria comes. So, make sure you prepare Hadley.”

I laugh. “I will. I’m really glad you’re coming, too. I know Hadley is as well.”

“I love you, Luca. See you soon.”

Talking to Papa has relieved some of my anxiety. I knew they didn’t blame me, but I did. It means a lot that after what happened, after I took part in him losing his little girl, that he still believes I’ll be a good father.

I survived a few minutes alone with twins, and they survived, so there’s something good. During practice, my mind is elsewhere. For the first time, I can picture myself as a father. I could teach Valeria Russian and watch Dora with her. If she talks fast enough or animated enough, Hadley won’t be able to make out what she's saying, which can be fun.